Have a play day!

Play, in my opinion is underrated. I believe if you watch your children free play from a safe distance, (so they don't know you are watching), you will see my point.

I am defining free play as the time when children are playing without any direction from an adult, not a sport, or an established game, but a time when they are free to play in anyway they desire. When this happens amazing growth is happening with your child.

Problem solving....seems like many "experts" are talking about problem solving these days and the need for schools to teach children how to problem solve. I disagree. When a child is taught how to problem solve, then they aren't really problem solving, but simply following another's example. When children are allowed to free play without any interference from adults they develop true problem solving skills. As they build, create and discover, they make modifications to help change their "play" into something more meaningful. In today's society, children are learning that problems need to be solved instantly. If a child is having troubles problem solving in their free play it is ok to give them a small amount of guidance, but be careful that you don't start problem solving for them. For example, if your child wants to modify his creation so that he can pull it across the floor, help him think of a variety of ways that this might be accomplished and then let them discover what works best on their own. The phrase, "what can you do about that?" is a common one in our home. When a child comes to us with a problem solving issue, that is neither severe nor life threatening, you will often hear us say something like, "how frustrating, what do you think you can do to change it?" We want the child to know that we have heard their concern, but also want to encourage them to tackle this problem on their own.

When children wrestle or engage in more physical play, they learn about their own strength and how that strength can impact those around them. One does not know that it hurts when you hit someone until that person tells you. I am amazed at our almost 3 year old. He and his 6 year old brother wrestle all the time. (It actually drives me nuts :-) I always feel they are playing too rough. However, you should see our little guy with babies! He is so gentle. He has learned at this young age when it is appropriate to play rough and when it is necessary to play gentle. If we didn't allow the boys to free play in a rough way, we would still be trying to teach him. (It took our older son much longer to learn this concept because he didn't have any other boys to wrestle with, and the girls weren't interested.)

These are just two great benefits of free play. If you do your own research you will find lots of studies on play and how it helps children develop. Play is really a vital part of development. Here are some other great benefits I have found in my research:
-building skills    
-social skills
-emotional skills
-language skills (key component of reading comprehension)
-thinking skills (a component of problem solving)
-nurturing skills (a form of empathy)
-imagination skills (key component of reading comprehension)

-loosing gracefully (a form of empathy)

-putting others before you (a form of empathy)

-compromise 

-sharing

-creativity

-self entertainment/ intrinsic motivation (great for building resistance to peer pressure)
-delayed gratification

If you have read my blog a few times over the years, you know that we have chosen to educate most of our children at home. It works great for us, but I do know that the choice isn't best for everyone. However,  wether your family chooses to educate at home or somewhere else, let me encourage you today to take some time to play. Play is something that is vanishing in our public schools (just look at our Kindergarten rooms) and really in the American society all together. It is a very sad thing to see. I predict that we will regret this trend.

Go have fun and let your children learn today through play :-)

Scaring Them Into Obedience

We don't rent movies very often, but this time we did. Our typical routine is that my husband and I will watch the movie once the children have gone to bed and then decide whether the children will be able to view the movie the next day. This is all in an attempt to help, our children guard their hearts and minds, and preserve their thoughts for the work of Jesus. As all parents know, this is not an easy task.

Well, for this particular movie, my husband started the dvd as we were gathering some drinks and blankets for a cozy evening together. This allowed the previews to begin. (I am not really one for watching previews) One of the previews was for a movie focused on the rapture and the end times. I actually needed to turn my own eyes away. This looked like a trailer for the next horror film. (I can't watch horror films, I think the last one I saw was in high school) I was shocked. I know that hell is real and that pain, grief, and fear are real, but putting it into movie form with the graphics and sound effects was just too much for me. I looked at my husband and said, "we won't be renting that one for the family." 

The night progressed, and we had a lovely time together watching our chosen film. 

However, the images from the trailer are still with me. I have been thinking about them and have been trying to get a grip on why they are bothering me so much. "Scare tactics," it occurred to me that I don't like scare tactics. I don't like scaring our children, or anyone else for that matter, into obedience.

In my opinion, this movie about the rapture is a scare tactic. A group of people decided that they are so passionate about reaching those that are lost, that they want to scare them into believing in Christ. (Let me specify here, not all movies about the rapture are like this, I am speaking about this one particular movie.....which I have only seen the trailer for)

I understand the strong desire to see people brought to Christ, and for all those we love to spend eternity in Heaven, but does scaring really work?

We as a society have tried the scare tactics many times over the decades. There was the great sex scare. 

An unbelievable amount of strange ideas came from people trying to scare their children out of having sex before marriage. There even seems to be some underlying belief that sex is bad. Sex isn't bad, it is a wonderful gift from God. Something that is meant to be enjoyed with your spouse, and an important part of who we are as human beings. Scaring children out of sex has given us a sexual revolution that is not showing any signs of slowing. The "pendulum" has swing so far the other way, that now there are tv shows glorifying 14, 15, and 16 year olds having babies. It is so great that even Hollywood has pushed the limits and is proclaiming abuse and violence to be a normal part of the sexual experience. I would venture to say that now the trend is almost becoming one of scaring children into having sex. 

The schools are also trying to scare our children out of using drugs and other harmful behaviors. Even now our fifth grader (whom is not homeschooled), is writing a report on the dangers of smoking. Why? Because his group is going to convince one of their parents to stop smoking. A good thought, but rarely effective. He is looking at the black lungs, the list of harmful chemicals and many side effects. He is learning that smoking is bad. Why? "I don't know, it just is." Instead of dealing with the emotional issues that often lead to substance use, our society hopes that by scaring them enough, we will just convince them to stop. "Just stop feeling that way, it is BAD for you." 

How easy is it for you to stop your feelings?

I honestly believe that educating our children about all these negative behaviors and our attempts to teach them what to avoid is drawing them to it. We are sinful people, and it is easy for us to be intrigued by new and mysterious situations. Trying to scare people away from a situation may work for a handful of people, but I firmly believe the vast majority are just going to become more curious. There must be a better way to educate then simply trying to scare them.

I think the most common scare tactic in our home is the "listen or else," tactic. I truly try to avoid it, but sometimes it just slips out. I don't want our children obeying because they are scared I might "hurt" them in someway. I want them to obey because they know I love them and I always want what is best for them. What does the scare tactic really teach our children anyway? Listen to me now, or you will regret it! So, then what happens when they are not with you? What happens when there is no one there to scare them? They get curious, that is what.

I have seen it with our own children. "Little man, you need to put that down." No response. "Did you hear me? I said you need to put that down." No response. "If you don't put that down, you will need to take a time out." And a time out it is. Why? Because he was curious to see what would happen. Would I really stand my ground? Did I really need him to put that down? Did he really need to listen? Yes, yes he did. So why then not 30 seconds later does another child come and pick up the same item that he was asked to put down? She is curious. Do the same rules apply to her? Will the consequence be the same? Maybe she is older and more mature and she can handle it?

Have you seen this in your home? If this is how they act with simple instructions, when the reinforcement is almost immediate, how do you think they are going to react in other situations? They are curious. I don't believe scaring them is going to stop them from being curious. They don't believe the response is the same for each person, some children may think they are more mature or stronger or won't be fooled by the same traps as others. You and I know they are wrong, but as most moms know, there comes a time in a child's life when the parents seem to know very little. (or so the child thinks)

Why does God call us to obedience? Because He loves us! He knows that when we obey His commands we will live happier fuller lives. He also knows that when we choose to disobey, there will be natural consequences from our actions. He is not standing there with a big stick waiting to swat us when we disobey. He simply calls us to repent and to walk on His path once again. 

People are often talking about the model that Jesus left for us. He called people to repentance, he confronted the sin of others and he invited people to walk with Him and put their trust in His Father. I don't recall any 20 minute lectures on why what a person was doing was wrong. The situations seem more to me like .....this was a unhealthy choice, this is a better choice, you are forgiven, come follow me......(ok, that is quite simplistic, but you get the general idea)

It makes me wonder, what would happen if we applied those steps to our relationships. Instead of the whole, "you better listen or else" tactic, maybe we could approach the situation out of love and gentleness. ***side note, this will not work if we don't genuinely love the person, it also will take a very long time to work, or may not work at all with those that have mental instabilities like terrorists and hardened criminals; I am mostly referring to family, friends and coworkers here. I know that real evil exists and situations become more complicated then a sweet talk and a hug.***

Obedience is extremely important, especially for young children. Let me encourage you to try to help your children obey out of love and not fear. The love you have for your children is almost indescribable, don't let it be hidden by a scare tactic. The love Christ has for us is even greater than the love you have for your children (which boggles my mind!) lets follow His example. And as for the movie, I pray that the love that we have for our children (and Christ) will permeate our lives and help us to genuinely love one another. It is an old say, but the world truly will know we are Christians by our love!