Let It Go

I am absolutely loving this nice weather we are finally having. The kids are able to ride their bikes, run through the grass and just have fun. It seems that each week we are blessed with a family picnic, end of the year party, or gathering of some sort. I just love this time of year.

One thing I have noticed in this season of gatherings is how different we as parents treat this outside time. I feel that sunscreen is important for our kiddos, so we lather up, while there are many others that don't. Our boys are always playing with sticks, so it doesn't bother me when they find sticks at the park, but other parents have a no stick policy. I think it is wonderful how each family has it's own way of showing love to their children.

Even though we each have our own expectations and thoughts on what is best, I would like to encourage us all to look at how tightly we are holding on to our children. One of our biggest responsibilities is to help prepare them for when they are away from us. I hate seeing my children get older sometimes. I want them to stay snuggly and cute and just little. But, I know it is best for them to start trying things own their own, to make their own choices and to handle problems on their own.

I am the mom that waits to see what my son will do when he gets stuck on the playground. I am close enough to help if things get serious, but I really want him to figure this out on his own. I am the mom that let's my children stay home alone when I am running a 15 minute errand (not all of them, and not all at once, but when they are ready I have no problem giving them this opportunity) I am the mom that will allow her daughter to cook a dish for the party we are having. I am even the mom that let her 11 year old cut her hair. (It is only hair, it will grow back!) 

These small little things help our children grow and develop. They allow them to "check out" who they really are. Providing moments for our children to thrive or fail in a protected environment will give them the courage to try again. Failing is scary. Failing in front of our friends and family can sometimes be even scarier. But, if we are providing opportunities for them to develop their independence all through their childhood, they will learn what they need to succeed. You may even be shocked by what they are able to accomplish!

A word of caution....don't fall into the traps. I see two traps when allowing our children to thrive or fail that will reverse any good work that has been done. First, stepping in. I know it is hard, but restrain yourself. If they are not going to seriously injure themselves, ALLOW THEM TO FAIL! Our children will learn very little about themselves and their God given talents if we are always stepping in. They will be ok, you will be ok. Actually they will be better than ok, because we will have given them the chance to grow and develop as an individual. Think back to all, the times you failed as a child. I can't speak for you, but my failures helped me to grow as much or even more than my successes. Allow your child that same gift. The second trap I see a lot is shaming. We need to refrain from shaming our children when they fail. When we shame our children we are no longer providing the safe environment to try new things. Shaming children stifles their desire to try new things and doesn't allow them to learn from their failures, which is vitally important. Our children need to be allowed to fail without being shamed. I make mistakes each and everyday, I am really glad that most of the time no one is watching to point it out to me.

What are your plans for this weekend? Can you work some opportunities for growth and independence development into your weekend? I know it will be challenging, but let's start to let go. Each day let us work to allow our kiddos to make their own choices and try more things on their own in a safe and shame free environment. You will be so proud of them and amazed at all they can do!

Things of Value

Have you ever taken a hike with a young child? I love the way they see things so differently than I. They find treasures along the path, maybe it is a colorful leaf that has fallen or a funny shaped stick or a shiny rock. These items have value in their eyes. These are precious, and they will let you know that when you try to tell them that these dirty items are not coming in the car with you. I am sure we were like this when we were young. We found value in the simple things, what happened?

I have been thinking about value a lot lately. What makes something valuable? Who gets to decide what is more valuable than something else? If you have a child older than 10, you know what I am talking about. Visualize this situation with me....two shirts, both the same color, shape, style and size, but one cost twice as much as the other and is sought after by all tween age girls. Have you been there? Who decided that the shirt with the small round logo was the BEST? These situations bug me and I try to get our children to see the value in spending our money wisely, and find something's true value, but that is not really what I want to focus on today.

I would like to focus more on who decides that some people are more valuable than others. Who decides that this person has much value, while this one does not? Why do we listen to those who devalue others? More importantly, who gets to decide whom is more valuable than someone else? 

This week one of our kids was setting up races and games to challenge the other children. Sounds fine, until we discovered that only the little ones were allowed to be part of the challenge. So, this child was basically guaranteeing that they would always win and the little ones would always loose. When investigating the situation a bit more, we discovered that the driving force behind these activities was the need to feel important and valued. Our child has noticed that they are not fast or skilled athletically like their school friends. In their mind, that translated to not being as valuable as others in their class. It broke my heart. 

I read an article a few weeks ago that basically proclaimed that I was "mindless," "infantile," and a "masochist." At first, I was very angry and frustrated that women whom spend their energy yelling that we have a choice, resort to name calling when I choose to make a different choice than them. But after my anger subsided, I began to think about my value. My value is not determined by a group of feminists who truly know nothing about me or what I do. To be perfectly honest with you, I don't think any of those ladies would last more than 1 day doing my "job," much less making our home run successfully year after year. I had fallen into the same trap as my child. I was allowing someone else determine what made me valuable.

At the time when Paul was writing to the church in Ephesus, there were many that had lost their value. The Roman Empire had decided and enforced, that the Jews were of lesser value than the Romans. The Jews had decided that the Gentiles were of lesser value than them. Almost everyone had decide they were more valuable than the lepers. It seems that very few people had any true value. In Ephesians chapter 2 Paul assures us all that we are valuable. He uses one of my favorite phrases...."But God!" But God chose those with no perceived value and raised them up and seated them in the heavenly places in Christ. Later in the same chapter, Paul tells us that we "are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit." I don't know about you, but I think a dwelling place for God is pretty valuable!

We all need to know that we have value. Unfortunately we seem to live in a society that spends more time telling us we are not valuable. They tell us we are not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, athletic enough or we don't have the right type of home, job, car or friends. I am here to proclaim, that these things do not determine ones value.

My child may not be athletic, but they are valuable because they are fearfully and wonderfully made. They are valuable because they were knit together by God in their mother's womb. They are valuable because they are a precious gift from God for me and our family. In the same way, I may not work at a fortune 500 company, but I am still valuable because I am part of the chosen people and God's special possession. I am valuable because God has declared me to be. I am valuable because I am investing in the precious children that God has blessed us with each and everyday.

Let me encourage you today to stop listening to the world around us. I pray that you and your children will find your value in the promises and love of God. No matter what hardships you are currently facing or names that are being thrown your way, YOU ARE a precious child of God that has been blessed with many talents and abilities. He loves you, calls you His own and desires for you to know that YOU are VALUABLE!

Here are some of the scripture verses I referenced in today's post: 1Peter 2:9; Psalm 139:13-14; Ephesians 2:22; Ephesians 2:4 and 6; Matthew 10:21; Matthew 12:12; and John 10:3.