One thing I have noticed in this season of gatherings is how different we as parents treat this outside time. I feel that sunscreen is important for our kiddos, so we lather up, while there are many others that don't. Our boys are always playing with sticks, so it doesn't bother me when they find sticks at the park, but other parents have a no stick policy. I think it is wonderful how each family has it's own way of showing love to their children.
Even though we each have our own expectations and thoughts on what is best, I would like to encourage us all to look at how tightly we are holding on to our children. One of our biggest responsibilities is to help prepare them for when they are away from us. I hate seeing my children get older sometimes. I want them to stay snuggly and cute and just little. But, I know it is best for them to start trying things own their own, to make their own choices and to handle problems on their own.
I am the mom that waits to see what my son will do when he gets stuck on the playground. I am close enough to help if things get serious, but I really want him to figure this out on his own. I am the mom that let's my children stay home alone when I am running a 15 minute errand (not all of them, and not all at once, but when they are ready I have no problem giving them this opportunity) I am the mom that will allow her daughter to cook a dish for the party we are having. I am even the mom that let her 11 year old cut her hair. (It is only hair, it will grow back!)
These small little things help our children grow and develop. They allow them to "check out" who they really are. Providing moments for our children to thrive or fail in a protected environment will give them the courage to try again. Failing is scary. Failing in front of our friends and family can sometimes be even scarier. But, if we are providing opportunities for them to develop their independence all through their childhood, they will learn what they need to succeed. You may even be shocked by what they are able to accomplish!
A word of caution....don't fall into the traps. I see two traps when allowing our children to thrive or fail that will reverse any good work that has been done. First, stepping in. I know it is hard, but restrain yourself. If they are not going to seriously injure themselves, ALLOW THEM TO FAIL! Our children will learn very little about themselves and their God given talents if we are always stepping in. They will be ok, you will be ok. Actually they will be better than ok, because we will have given them the chance to grow and develop as an individual. Think back to all, the times you failed as a child. I can't speak for you, but my failures helped me to grow as much or even more than my successes. Allow your child that same gift. The second trap I see a lot is shaming. We need to refrain from shaming our children when they fail. When we shame our children we are no longer providing the safe environment to try new things. Shaming children stifles their desire to try new things and doesn't allow them to learn from their failures, which is vitally important. Our children need to be allowed to fail without being shamed. I make mistakes each and everyday, I am really glad that most of the time no one is watching to point it out to me.
What are your plans for this weekend? Can you work some opportunities for growth and independence development into your weekend? I know it will be challenging, but let's start to let go. Each day let us work to allow our kiddos to make their own choices and try more things on their own in a safe and shame free environment. You will be so proud of them and amazed at all they can do!
No comments:
Post a Comment