The End Of The Rope

This is a brutally honest post, a reflection on how I have been feeling the last several days. I pray that if you are feeling similar, that you will know you are not alone. May God be glorified in your home, and may your heart and mind be filled with Christ Jesus!

The end of the rope

How did I get here?

The rope seems so long, strong and endless

But here is the end, the end, the end

I am not quite sure what to do

Let go, hang on, climb up,  

How much strength do I have left?

How much longer can I stay right here?

I think I'm scared

It is just as hard to let go, as to climb back up

But I can't just stay here, 

I must do something, but what? 

My head knows what to do.

It tells me that there will be troubles in this world,

But Christ has overcome the world

My heart isn't listening

My heart is heavy and broken

Trapped by an all consuming weight 

It doesn't see the Joy or Love the head sees

I don't think it can see at all these days

My head is telling my heart to lay down the burden

It is talking about an easy yoke and a burden that's light.

My heart can't see, it can't see the easy yoke, it can't see

My heart can't see here at the end of the rope

I must do something, do something

The end of the rope is scary, I shouldn't look at the end

The beginning of the rope is too high, I'll never make it there

Where should I look, what should I do?

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on a mid point

The mid point is still too high, I'm not strong enough to make it there

Fix my eyes, but fix my eyes where on the rope?

The rope is too challenging, I don't want to look at the rope

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes off the rope?

My mind is telling me to fix my eyes on Jesus

Fix my eyes on Jesus, not the rope?

Fixing my eyes on Him may help my heart see, even at the end of the rope, my heart might see

My head is right, fixing on Jesus does seem better

Fixing my eyes on Jesus hasn't changed that I am at the end of the rope

But now, I see Jesus at the end of the rope with me 

He is with me, He is lifting my heart

Fixing my eyes on Jesus, at the end of the rope, He helps my heart to see

He helps my heart to see at the end of the rope

My heart is still heavy, I am still a bit scared

But I know I am not alone at the end of my rope



*****It seems my words may have conveyed a sense of despair instead of the attitude of melancholy I intended. Please know that I am not suicidal or even depressed. I thought of sharing these words because so many people think that I and many others they see in church, don't have great struggles, or always have an easy life. We don't. We have high mountains and low valleys just like you. I know my words convey a sense of overwhelmed conditions, a place where I can not make it on my own. This however, is often the best place to be with your faith. I know without a doubt that God is holding me in His hand and guiding my steps. These are steps I could not take all on my own. When this struggle is over or when my heart is no longer heavy, I will be able to look back and know without a doubt that God is the one that brought me through this moment. I will know that He is working in my life and guiding me through, I will know because there is no way I could have made it through the struggle completely on my own. I will once again know without a doubt, that the God that is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, knows my name and cares for me! I pray that when these words ring true in your life, that you would also know how much He loves YOU!

Me No Like That!

With a family our size, it is extremely difficult to find meals, activities, or entertainment, that everyone will enjoy. Sometimes it is more than difficult, sometimes it is down right frustrating. I am certain that if you have two or more children, you know exactly what I am talking about. Some days that can't even agree on the show they are going to watch for quiet time. So begins the argument.

We have been spending a great deal of time lately looking at our choices. We are looking at how our choices affect others, how our choices affect us and what might be the best choice we can make. It is tough, it is tough to get them to look beyond what they WANT to what might be best. But, there is some amazing learning taking place. Let me try to explain.

In our home there is a time in the early morning when children can choose a show to watch. Typically the first person awake gets to pick the show. Well, the two year old isn't too fond of this idea. He ALWAYS wants to watch "Curious George," he thinks it should always be his pick. We have had plenty of disagreements over the morning shows. However, I am happy to say that after examining our decision making process we are now usually able to come up with some compromises that involve no loud voices and no tears. Using our words, we all talk about what we would like, then what we would accept, or if we are willing to complete a task during this show and then return to watch a show a bit later. We still have some rough mornings, but the majority of them see good compromises.

We also have troubles sharing toys or items we want to play with. Again the hardest person to work with is the two year old, as he feels all the toys are his. In these situations we have asked the older children to find their little brother a similar toy or find a way to include him in their activity. This strategy works often, but sometimes we hear the phrase, "me no like that!" At that point, the real negotiating begins. If trading, taking turns or finding a similar toy doesn't work, we now have made some activity boxes that can usually completely distract him. He soon forgets what his brother has and is overjoyed with is pan of field corn kernels and small construction trucks.

These days are tough days with the two year old and his "me no like that," attitude. However, as I have been trying to work through these situations with him, I can clearly see the same attitude being displayed by some of the older members of our family and even some of our friends. I am wondering how do you get to be 14 or 25 or even 40 and still have a "me no like that," attitude. Did we not emphasize compromise when we had fewer children?

Let me encourage you to spend sometime emphasizing the need to compromise with our toys, shows and family activities. In my opinion our world has way too many people that want what they want when they want it. I have seen it at the grocery store, at the playground and even at church. People replace their good manners for fairly selfish demands, and see absolutely nothing wrong with it. I know that none of us want our children to grow up to become the "scene makers" at the store. Let's all work on teaching our children polite ways to say "no" and effective ways to move past the "me no like that" attitudes, I think we will truly enjoy the benefits of this hard work.

What's Your Story?

We had the opportunity to spend some quality time together at a Family Retreat last weekend. It was really nice! Great time to spend canoeing on the lake, gathering around the campfire, playing kickball, collecting rocks, connecting with other families and worshiping God together. If you find a family camp or retreat near you, I highly recommend you make time for it.

One of our sessions at the retreat was about stories. Our children hear and read tons of stories as they grow. Most of these stories are fiction or not true. This is different than most of the history of our world. Up until the last few decades, most stories being told by a family where true (or at least based on a true event) and told by family members around the table or at family gatherings. The times together were spent sharing Bible stories, fishing stories, stories about silly things Uncle Jimmy did when he was little, stories about how Grandpa and Grandma fell in love, and stories about how "life" use to be. You could trust the people telling you the stories and knew that even if there was a bit of exaggeration included for effect, the meaning of the story was true and part of your family's uniqueness.

Our session on stories encouraged all of us to think of true situations in our lives where we knew God had been present and demonstrated His great love for us. It was really interesting to hear what the children thought of as a special blessing from God. Many of our children needed to think for several minutes, but having my husband and I share stories first really helped them. Here is some of what we shared with each other:
     -My husband shared about a time when we were trying to buy "the perfect house," only for us to loose it because of a technicality. If we would have bought that house, our lives would be completely different now. (different job, different coach, different dance center, different church, etc.) God had a plan and that house was not part of it, even though we thought it was perfect. We are so glad we didn't get "the perfect house" now.
     -I shared a story about a time when we were trying to take a trip. I had an agenda and we NEEDED to leave by a certain time in order to meet my agenda. Well, we didn't, we were several hours late. I was so frustrated! However, as we journeyed on our trip we came to a deadly multi-car accident. An accident we probably would have been a part of if we would have left on time. I have never been so thankful to be running late. God had a different plan and I am thankful.
     -Our children shared stories about their dance class, their ability to join our family, their friendships and our church.
It was really a wonderful session. It was great to have the children think about how God is working in their lives and hear them tell the story.

Ok, that was fun, but what is the point really? Well, in our society today it is often difficult to talk to others about Christ and His amazing love. We often hear things like, "that is great if you want to believe that, but I don't believe in God;" or "you can't prove that their is a God;" or "God is just a myth, He isn't real." There are many things that people say about God and our faith. They even have research and science to back up their arguments. Many feel there is nothing we can say to people like this that will help them see the love of Christ. However, our session shared with us that NO ONE can argue with your story. Your story is true and it happen to you, so there is really nothing they can say to disqualify your statements. It is a great way to help others see the amazing things God is doing in the world around them. Stories are a great tool that God can use to help others learn about Him.

I think that we should think about our stories a couple of times a year, thinking of new stories each time. This will help our own children see the great things God is doing in their lives. It will help grow their faith and help them be prepared to share their stories with others. God is calling us to impact the world for His Kingdom, and now we can do that one story at a time.