The End Of The Rope

This is a brutally honest post, a reflection on how I have been feeling the last several days. I pray that if you are feeling similar, that you will know you are not alone. May God be glorified in your home, and may your heart and mind be filled with Christ Jesus!

The end of the rope

How did I get here?

The rope seems so long, strong and endless

But here is the end, the end, the end

I am not quite sure what to do

Let go, hang on, climb up,  

How much strength do I have left?

How much longer can I stay right here?

I think I'm scared

It is just as hard to let go, as to climb back up

But I can't just stay here, 

I must do something, but what? 

My head knows what to do.

It tells me that there will be troubles in this world,

But Christ has overcome the world

My heart isn't listening

My heart is heavy and broken

Trapped by an all consuming weight 

It doesn't see the Joy or Love the head sees

I don't think it can see at all these days

My head is telling my heart to lay down the burden

It is talking about an easy yoke and a burden that's light.

My heart can't see, it can't see the easy yoke, it can't see

My heart can't see here at the end of the rope

I must do something, do something

The end of the rope is scary, I shouldn't look at the end

The beginning of the rope is too high, I'll never make it there

Where should I look, what should I do?

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on a mid point

The mid point is still too high, I'm not strong enough to make it there

Fix my eyes, but fix my eyes where on the rope?

The rope is too challenging, I don't want to look at the rope

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes off the rope?

My mind is telling me to fix my eyes on Jesus

Fix my eyes on Jesus, not the rope?

Fixing my eyes on Him may help my heart see, even at the end of the rope, my heart might see

My head is right, fixing on Jesus does seem better

Fixing my eyes on Jesus hasn't changed that I am at the end of the rope

But now, I see Jesus at the end of the rope with me 

He is with me, He is lifting my heart

Fixing my eyes on Jesus, at the end of the rope, He helps my heart to see

He helps my heart to see at the end of the rope

My heart is still heavy, I am still a bit scared

But I know I am not alone at the end of my rope



*****It seems my words may have conveyed a sense of despair instead of the attitude of melancholy I intended. Please know that I am not suicidal or even depressed. I thought of sharing these words because so many people think that I and many others they see in church, don't have great struggles, or always have an easy life. We don't. We have high mountains and low valleys just like you. I know my words convey a sense of overwhelmed conditions, a place where I can not make it on my own. This however, is often the best place to be with your faith. I know without a doubt that God is holding me in His hand and guiding my steps. These are steps I could not take all on my own. When this struggle is over or when my heart is no longer heavy, I will be able to look back and know without a doubt that God is the one that brought me through this moment. I will know that He is working in my life and guiding me through, I will know because there is no way I could have made it through the struggle completely on my own. I will once again know without a doubt, that the God that is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, knows my name and cares for me! I pray that when these words ring true in your life, that you would also know how much He loves YOU!