Those of you who read this blog regularly, know that about 2 years ago we added two children to our family. We have celebrated, cried, argued and rejoiced for these children. But, today I am here to say that I need to take a moment to be brutally honest. I had NO idea what we were signing up for!
You may have noticed that I haven't written any posts in quite some time. Our family dynamic just got to the point where writing my thoughts was not a priority, or maybe not even a possibility. In my opinion "LIFE" simply consumed me.
I am not going to write specifics about our children, but some general observations about them and others like them that have left me questioning and confessing that "I had NO idea."
It truly boggles my mind to know that there are so many children in the Foster Care system and other systems like it. These children have most likely been bouncing around the government system for a long time. I have a very hard time wrapping my mind around how it must feel to be young and have no permanent home. They need a home. They need to know that someone loves them. They need to know that they are important.
When we were asked to take in these children, our family had several conversations about what might happen and what would be the best choice to make. Do we add two more children to our already seemingly large family? How will this change our immediate family? How will having two additional children impact our extended family and friends? And so on, and so on.
I never once thought, "what if they hate it here?" or "what if they are too difficult to deal with?" After all, I am offering a loving home; a wonderful Christian environment and more opportunities than they have ever seen. Besides, in all the movies and shows we ever see the adoptive or foster children always adjust wonderfully to their new family and grow to be strong loving adults. Everything would be great, what was there to worry about?
We were required to go through the foster parent certification process in order to have the children join our family. During the process, it became abundantly clear that there were going to be some new things happening in our home. The foster parent guidelines specifically speak about children whom still have bathroom accidents into their teen years; children that are years behind in their schooling; children that have consistent nightmares; children that have anxiety induced behavior outbursts for seemingly no reason; children that physically and sexually hurt other children; and many other extremely sad situations. I felt so naive, all I was offering was a loving Christian home.
So, you might be wondering what we were thinking. Why in the world would we bring such potential danger into our home, especially when we have young children of our own? James 1:27. That is really all I can say, James 1:27. There are other verses as well, but God calls us to look after the fatherless. How could we just walk away? What would we be saying to our own children? What would the two foster children think? Just another "parent" that had no interest in taking the time to love them. We couldn't say no. We knew they belonged with us. They ARE our family!
There isn't a day that goes by that we don't have some sort of minor struggle. However, that goes for all of our children. There is always someone who is forgetting to turn off the light, someone who is hurting someone's feelings, someone who isn't doing their best on their homework, someone who is _____ you can fill in the blank, I am sure you have struggles in your home too. Sometimes we have a pretty big struggle, and we find ourselves traveling down extremely unfamiliar paths, but guess what.....God is always with us. Even when I fall flat on my face and handle the situation completely wrong, He is with us. He is clearly providing us the strength that we need to make it to the end of each day with a smile and a bit of hope for tomorrow. He never ceases to amaze me.
I know you may find this shocking, but it is clearly one of the greatest, worst, most exciting and scariest decisions we have ever made. None of our lives will ever be the same again. It might be difficult to understand, but it is completely humbling to me to see how God has prepared us and is using His grace and mercy to mold each and every one of us. I still have no idea. No idea what each day will bring, no idea what new joy or struggle is around the corner, no idea where this path is going to take us next. No matter how hard I try, I still have no idea what each day will bring.
I try to be encouraging with my posts, but this is a challenging topic to be overly encouraging with. That said, I would love to encourage you to pray about adding this amazing adventure to your family. There are more than 100,000 foster children in the US alone that are waiting to be adopted. That number only includes children in the foster care system and in the US. There are many more waiting with private ministries and in the impoverished countries around the world. You have no idea what amazing adventure God has in store for you and the children He has prepared for you.
I have no idea, you have no idea, the children have no idea......but God in His infinite wisdom knows exactly what is ahead. I pray that you will embrace James 1:27 and completely rock your current world and the world of some incredible children.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Friday, June 26, 2015
Fatherless, Moving Forward
This past weekend it was Father's Day here in the United States. It is usually a nice time for us to celebrate the Dads that make a difference in our lives everyday. In our family we usually celebrate by cooking one of my husband's favorite meals, leaving the house so he can take a nap, and giving him a home made spa treatment. The children love getting a chance to pick a simple gift and give dad the special attention he deserves. It is a fun idea.
Although our Father's Day weekend was a time of fun and activities, I have noticed that many are not celebrating this day. It was first brought to my attention in worship. The Pastor was sharing a sermon about fathers and the great influence they have on their children. He was helping us all to see how we have a responsibility to take our faith and knowledge of Christ's amazing love and share it with the children we come in contact with. The sermon had just begun when a gentlemen stood up and walked out of the service declaring, "I didn't have a father." We spoke after the service, and he didn't seem interested in hearing the details of the sermon, he just wanted to keep declaring, "I didn't have a father." In the evening, my social media page was filled with similar statements. Father's Day is a tough day for many.
On one hand, I can completely relate to these sentiments. I have never met my father. He left before I was born and I have no idea where he might be. When I was in college I was able to find his mother, my grandmother. She wrote to me for several months, but then she told me she couldn't write any longer (I think my father told her to stop). I am also assuming that she has passed away because I am not able to find her any longer. It is sad, I wish I had an opportunity to know them both.
This lack of a father in my life has helped to shape who I am. I knew that I did not want my children growing up without a father, so I was very picky about whom I felt God was leading me to marry. I also developed a heart for children that were in the same situation. Children without fathers have many emotional gaps in their lives. This is one reason that we have added two fatherless children to our family. Our desire is to help them see a different definition of family and help them see how they can break the cycle of fatherlessness that they were born from. (They are the 3rd generation in their biological family to have a fatherless home)
However, the fact that I am fatherless does not define who I am! I now have the greatest father ever, the Heavenly Father. He is the most amazing father that anyone could ask for. He created me, He showers me with blessings and He loves me unconditionally. He knows my needs, my secrets, my deepest dreams and He cares for my every need. He is your Heavenly Father too! I encourage you to claim His love if you are struggling with not having an earthly father.
I would also love to encourage you to reach out to others. If your family is blessed to have both a mother and a father, reach out to a family or two who does not. Children NEED to have time with both a mother and a father. Maybe you know a family where the father has died, left or was never involved at all. Take a moment, get to know the family and invest in those children. Maybe they would love to go fishing with you or even just out for ice cream. Fathers don't need to do anything special, it is special just spending time together. I was truly blessed to have a wonderful Grandfather and some fun loving Uncles that invested time in my life; it made an incredible difference for me. You don't need to invest a ton of time, even just three or four times a year will make a wonderful difference.
It is abundantly clear to me, after the reactions from this past weekend that there are many hurting people in our world today. Many of them are hurting because they don't have an earthly father involved in their lives. We can do something about this, let us share the love and knowledge of Christ with those God has placed in our path. There are over 40 verses in the Bible about fatherless people, and almost every verse is telling us that we need to care for them and help them to live their lives to the full potential God has intended for them. I pray that we will all have the courage to start a new relationship with a fatherless child and share God's amazing love with them!
Although our Father's Day weekend was a time of fun and activities, I have noticed that many are not celebrating this day. It was first brought to my attention in worship. The Pastor was sharing a sermon about fathers and the great influence they have on their children. He was helping us all to see how we have a responsibility to take our faith and knowledge of Christ's amazing love and share it with the children we come in contact with. The sermon had just begun when a gentlemen stood up and walked out of the service declaring, "I didn't have a father." We spoke after the service, and he didn't seem interested in hearing the details of the sermon, he just wanted to keep declaring, "I didn't have a father." In the evening, my social media page was filled with similar statements. Father's Day is a tough day for many.
On one hand, I can completely relate to these sentiments. I have never met my father. He left before I was born and I have no idea where he might be. When I was in college I was able to find his mother, my grandmother. She wrote to me for several months, but then she told me she couldn't write any longer (I think my father told her to stop). I am also assuming that she has passed away because I am not able to find her any longer. It is sad, I wish I had an opportunity to know them both.
This lack of a father in my life has helped to shape who I am. I knew that I did not want my children growing up without a father, so I was very picky about whom I felt God was leading me to marry. I also developed a heart for children that were in the same situation. Children without fathers have many emotional gaps in their lives. This is one reason that we have added two fatherless children to our family. Our desire is to help them see a different definition of family and help them see how they can break the cycle of fatherlessness that they were born from. (They are the 3rd generation in their biological family to have a fatherless home)
However, the fact that I am fatherless does not define who I am! I now have the greatest father ever, the Heavenly Father. He is the most amazing father that anyone could ask for. He created me, He showers me with blessings and He loves me unconditionally. He knows my needs, my secrets, my deepest dreams and He cares for my every need. He is your Heavenly Father too! I encourage you to claim His love if you are struggling with not having an earthly father.
I would also love to encourage you to reach out to others. If your family is blessed to have both a mother and a father, reach out to a family or two who does not. Children NEED to have time with both a mother and a father. Maybe you know a family where the father has died, left or was never involved at all. Take a moment, get to know the family and invest in those children. Maybe they would love to go fishing with you or even just out for ice cream. Fathers don't need to do anything special, it is special just spending time together. I was truly blessed to have a wonderful Grandfather and some fun loving Uncles that invested time in my life; it made an incredible difference for me. You don't need to invest a ton of time, even just three or four times a year will make a wonderful difference.
It is abundantly clear to me, after the reactions from this past weekend that there are many hurting people in our world today. Many of them are hurting because they don't have an earthly father involved in their lives. We can do something about this, let us share the love and knowledge of Christ with those God has placed in our path. There are over 40 verses in the Bible about fatherless people, and almost every verse is telling us that we need to care for them and help them to live their lives to the full potential God has intended for them. I pray that we will all have the courage to start a new relationship with a fatherless child and share God's amazing love with them!
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Travel Fun
It is summer and a great time for families to travel together on great adventures. There are lots of great places to go: trips to visit family, trips to area attraction or trips to national parks and monuments. I hope you have some fun trips planned for your family.
We recently took a road trip with the whole family. Road trips can be challenging, especially with children. Today, I would like to share with you some fun things that we do on our trips to keep the time moving quickly and the adventures positive. I like to think that our vacation begins the minute we start out of our driveway. I try to plan things that the whole family can be involved in, so we are making great memories together even when we are on the road. We do have a DVD player, but limit the number of movies we watch on each trip. I, of course, did not "invent" all of these ideas on my own, but I am happy to share the wisdom of my friends and our experiences with you.
Activity Bags:
-We have two different types of activity bags. We ask the children to pack their own activity bag (however, now that our family is so large, we ask them to share bags). These bags are filled with books, coloring stuff and other activities that can easily be done in the car. They keep their bags near them in the car and can access them when ever they are feeling bored.
-The second type of activity bags are items I keep with me. I have a few items in large zip lock bags or just in my bag that I pull out when everyone needs a little boost. These would be items the children will not be expecting or are new to them. On this last trip we had new sticker books, glow bracelets, fun snacks, chenille crafts and gel pens.
Audio CDs:
-We take the opportunity to listen to great audio CDs on long trips. We love "Adventures In Odyssey," "Jonathan Park," and classic literature books. We usually get these items from our local library. These are made for children, but are extremely interesting. My husband and I enjoy them just as much as the children. These also usually lead to some great discussions about faith, friendship and character.
Car Games:
-There are tons of car games available these days. It will only take a few moments on the internet and you will have more games then you could possibly need. Some of our favorites are road bingo, the alphabet game and guess the mileage. When discussing games with a friend, I discovered that our family's alphabet game is much different then the one others play, so I am going to share it with you.
Our alphabet game moves around the car and gives each person a chance to share their thoughts. If I start, I would have the letter A. I need to think about the letter A and decide the answer to three questions. Where would I like to go? How do I plan to get there? What am I going to buy? If I have A, I would say something like: I am going to take a trip to Australia, I am going to take an airplane and I am going to buy an apple. The next person now has the letter B. Maybe they will say they are going to Bobby's house, they are going to take a boat, and they are going to buy a ball. Then we move to the next person who has the letter C, and so on. The only rule is that your answers need to start with the letter you have been given. We do make some adaptations for very small children, as a word may sound like it starts with a K when actually it starts with a C; and for the letter X, each answer must have an X in the word, but does not need to start with X. We have a great deal of fun with this game. Try not to get caught up on logistics. It is ok if a child wants to go to Hawaii and get their by horse. They both start with H and the child did a good job to think of them. Some of those types of situations, really help to make the game funny and keeps the game moving.
Trip Tracker:
-This last trip, which was over 29 hours in the car, we used a trip tracker. Great idea! We took some time to look at the route we would be taking and printed the name of a city we would be passing through about every 30 to 45 minutes. One of our daughters took the names and attached a small piece of velcro to the back. She then attached the names of the cities around the top of the inside of the van in the order that we would be passing through or stopping at them. She also printed a picture of a van that looks just like ours. She attached velcro to that as well. The velcro van started under the city of our home town. As we traveled, we would move the van to the next city when we reached it. Each child was given the chance to move the velcro van a few times as it past by the area where they sat. It was great fun! The children new exactly how much farther we needed to go, how long it would be until we stopped and there we no times of asking "are we there yet?" We really love this idea and will certainly be using this activity again.
Every type of travel is an adventure. I pray that you and your family have an amazing time making memories together and making the most of your travel experiences!
We recently took a road trip with the whole family. Road trips can be challenging, especially with children. Today, I would like to share with you some fun things that we do on our trips to keep the time moving quickly and the adventures positive. I like to think that our vacation begins the minute we start out of our driveway. I try to plan things that the whole family can be involved in, so we are making great memories together even when we are on the road. We do have a DVD player, but limit the number of movies we watch on each trip. I, of course, did not "invent" all of these ideas on my own, but I am happy to share the wisdom of my friends and our experiences with you.
Activity Bags:
-We have two different types of activity bags. We ask the children to pack their own activity bag (however, now that our family is so large, we ask them to share bags). These bags are filled with books, coloring stuff and other activities that can easily be done in the car. They keep their bags near them in the car and can access them when ever they are feeling bored.
-The second type of activity bags are items I keep with me. I have a few items in large zip lock bags or just in my bag that I pull out when everyone needs a little boost. These would be items the children will not be expecting or are new to them. On this last trip we had new sticker books, glow bracelets, fun snacks, chenille crafts and gel pens.
Audio CDs:
-We take the opportunity to listen to great audio CDs on long trips. We love "Adventures In Odyssey," "Jonathan Park," and classic literature books. We usually get these items from our local library. These are made for children, but are extremely interesting. My husband and I enjoy them just as much as the children. These also usually lead to some great discussions about faith, friendship and character.
Car Games:
-There are tons of car games available these days. It will only take a few moments on the internet and you will have more games then you could possibly need. Some of our favorites are road bingo, the alphabet game and guess the mileage. When discussing games with a friend, I discovered that our family's alphabet game is much different then the one others play, so I am going to share it with you.
Our alphabet game moves around the car and gives each person a chance to share their thoughts. If I start, I would have the letter A. I need to think about the letter A and decide the answer to three questions. Where would I like to go? How do I plan to get there? What am I going to buy? If I have A, I would say something like: I am going to take a trip to Australia, I am going to take an airplane and I am going to buy an apple. The next person now has the letter B. Maybe they will say they are going to Bobby's house, they are going to take a boat, and they are going to buy a ball. Then we move to the next person who has the letter C, and so on. The only rule is that your answers need to start with the letter you have been given. We do make some adaptations for very small children, as a word may sound like it starts with a K when actually it starts with a C; and for the letter X, each answer must have an X in the word, but does not need to start with X. We have a great deal of fun with this game. Try not to get caught up on logistics. It is ok if a child wants to go to Hawaii and get their by horse. They both start with H and the child did a good job to think of them. Some of those types of situations, really help to make the game funny and keeps the game moving.
Trip Tracker:
-This last trip, which was over 29 hours in the car, we used a trip tracker. Great idea! We took some time to look at the route we would be taking and printed the name of a city we would be passing through about every 30 to 45 minutes. One of our daughters took the names and attached a small piece of velcro to the back. She then attached the names of the cities around the top of the inside of the van in the order that we would be passing through or stopping at them. She also printed a picture of a van that looks just like ours. She attached velcro to that as well. The velcro van started under the city of our home town. As we traveled, we would move the van to the next city when we reached it. Each child was given the chance to move the velcro van a few times as it past by the area where they sat. It was great fun! The children new exactly how much farther we needed to go, how long it would be until we stopped and there we no times of asking "are we there yet?" We really love this idea and will certainly be using this activity again.
Every type of travel is an adventure. I pray that you and your family have an amazing time making memories together and making the most of your travel experiences!
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Deep Roots
An important part of "Raising An Orchard" is having deep roots in God's Word. Deuteronomy 6:7 tells us that we need to teach the Word to our children. It tells us to talk to our children when we are at home, at night, in the morning and anywhere you go. Psalms 119:11 tells us to hide God's word in our hearts so that we might not sin against Him.
Last year, we took a challenge as a family to serve more, we met our goal of 52 weeks of blessing. This year we are taking a challenge to memorize God's Word. Our goal was to memorize a Bible verse each week. It is a huge challenge, but one we felt was extremely important. Well, it is about half way through the year, and I need to tell you that we have adjusted our original goal. We started memorizing a verse a week, but changed our plan to a verse every other week.
By taking two weeks to learn each verse we are able to not only learn the words the verse says, but the meaning behind the verse....which after all is the point. The adjustment in the plan has also given us an opportunity to review verses we have already learned. It has been a great journey thus far!
Let me encourage you to start memorizing scriptures with your family. Maybe you can memorize one verse a week or one verse a month, create a schedule that works best for your family. It is a great way to invest in your child's life!
By taking two weeks to learn each verse we are able to not only learn the words the verse says, but the meaning behind the verse....which after all is the point. The adjustment in the plan has also given us an opportunity to review verses we have already learned. It has been a great journey thus far!
Let me encourage you to start memorizing scriptures with your family. Maybe you can memorize one verse a week or one verse a month, create a schedule that works best for your family. It is a great way to invest in your child's life!
Friday, May 29, 2015
My Favorite Things
Do you know the song? Have you see the movie? I have seen The Sound Of Music, about twenty times or even more. It really is one of our family favorites.
A few weeks ago I was having a tough week. A schedule that was way too full, an irritating cold, some unexpected expenses and a crazy string of discipline issues at home just made me feel out of sorts and in need of a pick me up. I was waiting for a child to finish at an appointment and decided to take a nice walk around the block. It was finally spring and the weather was great. A gentle breeze, a partly cloudy sky and a comfortable temperature makes for great walks, at least in my book.
As I rounded the second corner, it happened, the wonderful smell of fresh blooming lilacs engulfed me. I honestly had to stop and linger. I LOVE lilacs. I don't know why, but I always have. Just hanging out in the lilac breeze lifted my spirits and gave me an extra spring in my step.
It made me think, maybe the old song from The Sound Of Music was more then just a fun piece. So I started listing MY favorite things.....not in song form, just a list:
-lilacs, obviously
-glances and waves our children give me when I drop them off at an activity
-when my husband holds my hand
-our little one pats me on the back when I pick him up, as if to say "there, there, mommy"
-watching dads play with their children at the park or in their yard
-seeing one of our children doing something they LOVE
-sunsets on the water or even a sunsetting behind you as you watch the water; it's awesome
-the quiet moments right after the children go to bed
-when one of our children yells, "thanks, you are the best mom ever!" especially when all I had to do was make pancakes for lunch.
-seeing our children praising God in worship
-a clock that says 12:34
-whisker rubs from my Grandfather (the thing I miss most about him)
-Dark Chocolate and raspberry snacks
-the smell and joy that comes when holding a newborn
You get the idea.
I have to tell you that after thinking about all these favorite things, and a few more, I felt truly blessed. I felt loved and was no longer in a bad mood. It is a strategy that I use often now. I am sure it is a little like counting your blessings :-)
If you are having a down day, let me encourage you to think of your favorite things. They are just some of the many blessings that God sends into your life to brighten your days. Enjoy making a list of your truly favorite things!
-glances and waves our children give me when I drop them off at an activity
-when my husband holds my hand
-our little one pats me on the back when I pick him up, as if to say "there, there, mommy"
-watching dads play with their children at the park or in their yard
-seeing one of our children doing something they LOVE
-sunsets on the water or even a sunsetting behind you as you watch the water; it's awesome
-the quiet moments right after the children go to bed
-when one of our children yells, "thanks, you are the best mom ever!" especially when all I had to do was make pancakes for lunch.
-seeing our children praising God in worship
-a clock that says 12:34
-whisker rubs from my Grandfather (the thing I miss most about him)
-Dark Chocolate and raspberry snacks
-the smell and joy that comes when holding a newborn
You get the idea.
I have to tell you that after thinking about all these favorite things, and a few more, I felt truly blessed. I felt loved and was no longer in a bad mood. It is a strategy that I use often now. I am sure it is a little like counting your blessings :-)
If you are having a down day, let me encourage you to think of your favorite things. They are just some of the many blessings that God sends into your life to brighten your days. Enjoy making a list of your truly favorite things!
Thursday, May 14, 2015
That Is Just How I Am.
"That is just how I am." It might be that I haven't been paying attention until recently, but I seem to be hearing that phrase more and more lately. And every time I hear it, my insides shout "NO!" Many times I want to tell them, "this is not who you are meant to be, this is whom you are choosing to be."
Recently a women from our community has asked me to mentor her. She has seen my life from the outside and believes she would be happier if she was more like me. I have explained to her that I am a mess, just like the rest of us, but I would be happy to walk along side her for awhile. So, the adventure began. We see each other at various events on a weekly basis, sometimes we meet outside of those events and sometimes she will call or text me when she feels she needs to talk. However, one of her favorite things to say when we are talking is, "that is just how I am."
This past weekend one of our daughters was invited to play in an orchestra workshop at the nearby college. They invite the top players from the area school districts for a day of learning that ends with a wonderful concert. In most orchestras you need to share a music stand with the person next to you. At this event you are often sharing a stand with someone you have never met before. Our daughter's stand mate this year was a self proclaimed mean person. During the event she said something about another group that was not nice, at which our daughter said, "that was kind of mean." She responded with, "yep, I am mean like that, it is just the way I am."
These are just two examples, I have many more. I understand that there has been a movement, at least in American society, to be more accepting of people and their unique differences. Overall, this is a good thing, we find less bias because of race, special needs, religious belief or economic situations. However, I think that many people are using this new movement as an excuse for their sin.
When I read the scriptures, I don't find any examples of believers that are content to be "just the way they are." When I look at scriptures I see people who desire to be forgiven, free and more like Christ. It is true that God loves us, and He loves us just the way we are. But it is also true that He loves us too much to leave us that way. He desires for us to "live lives to the full." Lives that are filled with joy, peace, good works and love. (John 10:10; Psalm 16:11; Acts 2:28; Acts 9:36) He desires for us to be a living example of His love, mercy and grace. (Acts 20:24; Titus 3:7; Isaiah 38:17; Jude 1:21) When we devote ourselves to the study of God's Word and to being a disciple of Christ, we are changing daily to become more and more like Him. We are not stuck in a sinful mold of "just the way I am."
Change is hard! Change is especially difficult for people who have chronic behaviors that are damaging to themselves and others. Change means that you will be walking an unfamiliar path and that can be scary. Allowing Christ to change your heart may mean He may change your friends or your habits, this can be uncomfortable. But think about it, what is the greater gift? A life of "just the way I am?" Or a little hard work and a life that is filled with God's amazing blessings?
I of course would encourage you to seek the latter. How do we change? Well, there is the tricky part, we can't really change ourselves. The best way is to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and produce the change that Christ desires for our lives. Spend time each day reading our Bible, spend time each day praying or having a conversation with God, and spending time each day thinking about the changes we think God desires for our lives. There is another tricky part, when we desire to allow the Holy Spirit to mold us, His work is never done. Each and everyday we will be changing from "just the way I am," to just the way Christ wants me to be. What a blessing to have a God that loves us so much!
I pray that as we allow Christ to work in our lives, we may encourage those around us to take these unfamiliar steps. May our desire to be more like Christ, give others the courage to let go of "just who they are," to become just whom God wants them to be.
Recently a women from our community has asked me to mentor her. She has seen my life from the outside and believes she would be happier if she was more like me. I have explained to her that I am a mess, just like the rest of us, but I would be happy to walk along side her for awhile. So, the adventure began. We see each other at various events on a weekly basis, sometimes we meet outside of those events and sometimes she will call or text me when she feels she needs to talk. However, one of her favorite things to say when we are talking is, "that is just how I am."
This past weekend one of our daughters was invited to play in an orchestra workshop at the nearby college. They invite the top players from the area school districts for a day of learning that ends with a wonderful concert. In most orchestras you need to share a music stand with the person next to you. At this event you are often sharing a stand with someone you have never met before. Our daughter's stand mate this year was a self proclaimed mean person. During the event she said something about another group that was not nice, at which our daughter said, "that was kind of mean." She responded with, "yep, I am mean like that, it is just the way I am."
These are just two examples, I have many more. I understand that there has been a movement, at least in American society, to be more accepting of people and their unique differences. Overall, this is a good thing, we find less bias because of race, special needs, religious belief or economic situations. However, I think that many people are using this new movement as an excuse for their sin.
When I read the scriptures, I don't find any examples of believers that are content to be "just the way they are." When I look at scriptures I see people who desire to be forgiven, free and more like Christ. It is true that God loves us, and He loves us just the way we are. But it is also true that He loves us too much to leave us that way. He desires for us to "live lives to the full." Lives that are filled with joy, peace, good works and love. (John 10:10; Psalm 16:11; Acts 2:28; Acts 9:36) He desires for us to be a living example of His love, mercy and grace. (Acts 20:24; Titus 3:7; Isaiah 38:17; Jude 1:21) When we devote ourselves to the study of God's Word and to being a disciple of Christ, we are changing daily to become more and more like Him. We are not stuck in a sinful mold of "just the way I am."
Change is hard! Change is especially difficult for people who have chronic behaviors that are damaging to themselves and others. Change means that you will be walking an unfamiliar path and that can be scary. Allowing Christ to change your heart may mean He may change your friends or your habits, this can be uncomfortable. But think about it, what is the greater gift? A life of "just the way I am?" Or a little hard work and a life that is filled with God's amazing blessings?
I of course would encourage you to seek the latter. How do we change? Well, there is the tricky part, we can't really change ourselves. The best way is to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and produce the change that Christ desires for our lives. Spend time each day reading our Bible, spend time each day praying or having a conversation with God, and spending time each day thinking about the changes we think God desires for our lives. There is another tricky part, when we desire to allow the Holy Spirit to mold us, His work is never done. Each and everyday we will be changing from "just the way I am," to just the way Christ wants me to be. What a blessing to have a God that loves us so much!
I pray that as we allow Christ to work in our lives, we may encourage those around us to take these unfamiliar steps. May our desire to be more like Christ, give others the courage to let go of "just who they are," to become just whom God wants them to be.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Just Give Me Twenty Minutes
If I am going to be honest with you, I can admit that cleaning is NOT my favorite activity. Well, I actually don't mind cleaning when I have time, I just never seem to have time.....or make the time. One of our family's favorite movies has a line that is repeated throughout that states: "Homes are for free expression, not good impressions." I think we have embraced that saying. :-)
If I continue to be honest, I can admit that sometimes this free expression gets the best of me and I just want a clean home. So a few months ago we made a change. Each night we pause our activities about 20 minutes before bedtime to do a whole family cleaning sweep. We call it 20 minute cleaning.
For this activity, we write down rooms that need to be picked up. The living room, kitchen and dining room are always on the list, but the other rooms make the list when they look like they need a bit of attention. Some rooms, like the playroom often have two pieces of paper, so two people are cleaning that room. Anyway, we write the rooms on small pieces of paper, fold them up and toss them into the air. Each member of the family grabs a piece of paper and is responsible for that room. (the three year old is allowed to help someone with their room and is not responsible for his own room)
There is a built in incentive. If you are able to completely pick up your room in less then the allotted 20 minutes (sometimes only 15 mins), you are encouraged to go and help someone who is still working. When your room is finished and you have helped someone else, you earn a sticker on our incentive chart. Sometimes the room you get is the messiest, so by the end there are many able to help you; sometimes you have the easiest room and have the opportunity to help others.
This means that 3-8 rooms are getting attention each and every evening. The number changes depending on how many people are home at the time. It is truly great to wake up and start each day with a nice, picked up home.
Here are some thoughts behind our process:
-I was noticing that people were not taking care of their own messes. With our chore chart people knew that child x was in charge of picking up the office, so since it wasn't their chore they would choose not to clean up. With 20 minute cleaning, you never know what room you will get, so cleaning up your mess now is often a good idea.
-I was looking for more ways for our children to help and encourage one another without my direction.
-I was really getting tired of picking up the entire home before going to bed. Some of my days are very long and there is often a lack of energy once the sun has set.
-Having help with picking up allows me more time to sit and invest in our marriage relationship.
-Since my husband and I each get a piece of paper also, we are able to model hard work and cooperation on an almost daily basis.
-good stewardship is not just about tithing, it is also about taking care of the items that God has blessed us with....in my mind this includes picking them up and putting them away.
Maybe this is not an area in your family that needs attention. It however, has worked great for our family, so I thought I would share the idea with all of you. You might be able to adapt it to fit a situation in your own home. Investing in your children's learning and giving them the opportunity to contribute to the family is always a winning situation for everyone.
There is a built in incentive. If you are able to completely pick up your room in less then the allotted 20 minutes (sometimes only 15 mins), you are encouraged to go and help someone who is still working. When your room is finished and you have helped someone else, you earn a sticker on our incentive chart. Sometimes the room you get is the messiest, so by the end there are many able to help you; sometimes you have the easiest room and have the opportunity to help others.
This means that 3-8 rooms are getting attention each and every evening. The number changes depending on how many people are home at the time. It is truly great to wake up and start each day with a nice, picked up home.
Here are some thoughts behind our process:
-I was noticing that people were not taking care of their own messes. With our chore chart people knew that child x was in charge of picking up the office, so since it wasn't their chore they would choose not to clean up. With 20 minute cleaning, you never know what room you will get, so cleaning up your mess now is often a good idea.
-I was looking for more ways for our children to help and encourage one another without my direction.
-I was really getting tired of picking up the entire home before going to bed. Some of my days are very long and there is often a lack of energy once the sun has set.
-Having help with picking up allows me more time to sit and invest in our marriage relationship.
-Since my husband and I each get a piece of paper also, we are able to model hard work and cooperation on an almost daily basis.
-good stewardship is not just about tithing, it is also about taking care of the items that God has blessed us with....in my mind this includes picking them up and putting them away.
Maybe this is not an area in your family that needs attention. It however, has worked great for our family, so I thought I would share the idea with all of you. You might be able to adapt it to fit a situation in your own home. Investing in your children's learning and giving them the opportunity to contribute to the family is always a winning situation for everyone.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Where Were You On Easter Sunday?
I have been struggling with this post for some time, but I am finally ready to write my thoughts down.
This past Easter season, there was much discussion among our family and friends about where they would be and what is acceptable for an Easter Sunday event schedule. It seems like everyone had an opinion and most of them were feeling quite strongly about their opinions. I on the other hand, was wavering on my opinion.
Here are some things that my friends or their families were dealing with this recent Easter Sunday.
-attending a professional baseball game
-a son playing in a basketball tournament
-a daughter playing in a volleyball tournament
-a child working at a local restaurant
-a husband needing to work
-a home full of family guests
-a day spent traveling to or from relatives festivities
-a day spent traveling to or from relatives festivities
With each new situation that friends shared advice and opinions came flooding in. "Easter is sacred" and "no game is important enough to play on Easter" and "Easter worship is the most important service of the year" and so fourth. It seemed a bit strange to me, because I don't remember these debates happening in years prior. I personally have never given much thought to what others are doing on Easter.
I do recall the commandment, "Remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy." But, I think it is safe to say that the expectations with that command have certainly changed over the years. For example, if we continue to read in Exodus, chapter 31 tells us "those who do any work on that day must be cut off from their people." Well, that leaves every pastor, organist, worship leader, Sunday school teacher, usher and worship technician "cut off" from the body of believers. I could be wrong, but it seems silly to me to declare that all church workers are now excluded from the body. This verse in Exodus says, "any work." Therefore, anyone who gardens, does house cleaning, washes their car, or any of those weekend chores we have come so accustomed to doing; seems to me that they are excluded from the body too.
To be completely honest with you, I think there are many people today that have actually started to put church and/or attending church in front of actually Worshipping God. In my opinion, they have made going to church as important or sometimes even more important than spending time developing their personal relationship with Christ. You know who I am talking about: they are the ones who seem to judge you when you are not in Sunday service, even though you were attending church at your Grandmother's church; the ones who complain every week about the songs, or scripture reading, because after all, the service is really about THEM, and what THEY need; and the ones whom seem to be at every service, every Bible study and every service event, yet seem to have NO JOY to share with others. Don't get me wrong, I know that attending Sunday worship, Bible study and serving others are all extremely important, but they are outward signs of a Faith that is bubbling out of us because the love we have for Christ and the love He has for us, is too large to contain. They are not things that can be FORCED on anyone.
Back to the Easter debate. This debate actually started for me my senior year in high school. I was an active member of our youth group, a Sunday school and VBS teacher, sang special music in church and rarely missed a Sunday worship service. However, when my mother decided that our family would be spending Easter Sunday at Estes Park instead of our home church, I faced negative consequences. You see, I was preparing to attend a Christian college the next fall and needed our pastor to sign some paper commenting on my church involvement in order to apply for some financial aid packages. He refused. He told me that he was concerned about people who missed church service at the height of the festival season. I honestly thought he was joking and laughed. But, he was serious. So I told him that he should be concerned about those who only attended at the height of the festival, and that I would get Vicar Ron to sign my papers. (which he did and I attended the college of my choice) It all worked out, but it is a situation that obviously left an impression.
So when the Easter debate returned to our own home this year, I was slow to make a judgement. What did I want our daughter to remember about this Easter? What did I want her to know? Where were my feelings coming from? Would we allow our daughter to be away from us on Easter? Tough, tough questions, or at least they were tough for me. :-)
I went to college to become a church worker, and although I am officially a stay-at-home mom now, I spent almost all of my working years as a church worker and will really always be a church worker at heart. Church workers see so many families with all of their joys and heartaches. I have seen youth decide to walk away from the Christ because of one fight with their parents over church. No matter what is going on in our children's lives, the number one priority for me is to help them spend eternity with Jesus. In my mind this Easter debate could have become our "one fight." So, I wanted to make sure that I thought long and hard about this Easter debate. Did I feel strongly enough either way to take a firm stand?
Well, not to spoil the ending, but we let our daughter go with her team and play in a National Qualifier this past Easter weekend. It was a tough decision. It was also tough fielding the criticism. The decision came down to a desire for our daughter to honor God no matter what she is doing. We want her being an disciple of Christ in school and out, in church and out, on the court and off. We want her to know that it is ok to Worship in an unfamiliar church that holds our same views of scripture. But, what really drove our decision is that we don't want her to feel guilty or shamed when she is grown and finds that she needs to work on Easter. (FYI, who do you think is making and serving all those Easter brunches that families attend.....people working on Easter) As she grows, there is a legitimate chance that she will need to work an Easter or two during college or as a young adult. She needs to know/test herself and her faith, and I would much rather her tackle these struggles under my care than when she is first starting to live on her own.
The great thing she and many of us need to remember is that more and more churches are now having services on Saturdays or during the week. There are Bible studies offered throughout our community on almost everyday of the week. Our own personal Bibles are available to us all day, everyday. Our faith and hers is something that we need to live out Everyday, Everywhere and to Everyone. Spending time in Worship needs to be a priority! The rigidness of when and where, in my opinion, needs to be left to personal conviction. What is most important is the fact that Christ died for all of us, and that He is Risen. He is Risen indeed, Alleluia!!
I do recall the commandment, "Remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy." But, I think it is safe to say that the expectations with that command have certainly changed over the years. For example, if we continue to read in Exodus, chapter 31 tells us "those who do any work on that day must be cut off from their people." Well, that leaves every pastor, organist, worship leader, Sunday school teacher, usher and worship technician "cut off" from the body of believers. I could be wrong, but it seems silly to me to declare that all church workers are now excluded from the body. This verse in Exodus says, "any work." Therefore, anyone who gardens, does house cleaning, washes their car, or any of those weekend chores we have come so accustomed to doing; seems to me that they are excluded from the body too.
To be completely honest with you, I think there are many people today that have actually started to put church and/or attending church in front of actually Worshipping God. In my opinion, they have made going to church as important or sometimes even more important than spending time developing their personal relationship with Christ. You know who I am talking about: they are the ones who seem to judge you when you are not in Sunday service, even though you were attending church at your Grandmother's church; the ones who complain every week about the songs, or scripture reading, because after all, the service is really about THEM, and what THEY need; and the ones whom seem to be at every service, every Bible study and every service event, yet seem to have NO JOY to share with others. Don't get me wrong, I know that attending Sunday worship, Bible study and serving others are all extremely important, but they are outward signs of a Faith that is bubbling out of us because the love we have for Christ and the love He has for us, is too large to contain. They are not things that can be FORCED on anyone.
Back to the Easter debate. This debate actually started for me my senior year in high school. I was an active member of our youth group, a Sunday school and VBS teacher, sang special music in church and rarely missed a Sunday worship service. However, when my mother decided that our family would be spending Easter Sunday at Estes Park instead of our home church, I faced negative consequences. You see, I was preparing to attend a Christian college the next fall and needed our pastor to sign some paper commenting on my church involvement in order to apply for some financial aid packages. He refused. He told me that he was concerned about people who missed church service at the height of the festival season. I honestly thought he was joking and laughed. But, he was serious. So I told him that he should be concerned about those who only attended at the height of the festival, and that I would get Vicar Ron to sign my papers. (which he did and I attended the college of my choice) It all worked out, but it is a situation that obviously left an impression.
So when the Easter debate returned to our own home this year, I was slow to make a judgement. What did I want our daughter to remember about this Easter? What did I want her to know? Where were my feelings coming from? Would we allow our daughter to be away from us on Easter? Tough, tough questions, or at least they were tough for me. :-)
I went to college to become a church worker, and although I am officially a stay-at-home mom now, I spent almost all of my working years as a church worker and will really always be a church worker at heart. Church workers see so many families with all of their joys and heartaches. I have seen youth decide to walk away from the Christ because of one fight with their parents over church. No matter what is going on in our children's lives, the number one priority for me is to help them spend eternity with Jesus. In my mind this Easter debate could have become our "one fight." So, I wanted to make sure that I thought long and hard about this Easter debate. Did I feel strongly enough either way to take a firm stand?
Well, not to spoil the ending, but we let our daughter go with her team and play in a National Qualifier this past Easter weekend. It was a tough decision. It was also tough fielding the criticism. The decision came down to a desire for our daughter to honor God no matter what she is doing. We want her being an disciple of Christ in school and out, in church and out, on the court and off. We want her to know that it is ok to Worship in an unfamiliar church that holds our same views of scripture. But, what really drove our decision is that we don't want her to feel guilty or shamed when she is grown and finds that she needs to work on Easter. (FYI, who do you think is making and serving all those Easter brunches that families attend.....people working on Easter) As she grows, there is a legitimate chance that she will need to work an Easter or two during college or as a young adult. She needs to know/test herself and her faith, and I would much rather her tackle these struggles under my care than when she is first starting to live on her own.
The great thing she and many of us need to remember is that more and more churches are now having services on Saturdays or during the week. There are Bible studies offered throughout our community on almost everyday of the week. Our own personal Bibles are available to us all day, everyday. Our faith and hers is something that we need to live out Everyday, Everywhere and to Everyone. Spending time in Worship needs to be a priority! The rigidness of when and where, in my opinion, needs to be left to personal conviction. What is most important is the fact that Christ died for all of us, and that He is Risen. He is Risen indeed, Alleluia!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Have a play day!
Play, in my opinion is underrated. I believe if you watch your children free play from a safe distance, (so they don't know you are watching), you will see my point.
I am defining free play as the time when children are playing without any direction from an adult, not a sport, or an established game, but a time when they are free to play in anyway they desire. When this happens amazing growth is happening with your child.
Problem solving....seems like many "experts" are talking about problem solving these days and the need for schools to teach children how to problem solve. I disagree. When a child is taught how to problem solve, then they aren't really problem solving, but simply following another's example. When children are allowed to free play without any interference from adults they develop true problem solving skills. As they build, create and discover, they make modifications to help change their "play" into something more meaningful. In today's society, children are learning that problems need to be solved instantly. If a child is having troubles problem solving in their free play it is ok to give them a small amount of guidance, but be careful that you don't start problem solving for them. For example, if your child wants to modify his creation so that he can pull it across the floor, help him think of a variety of ways that this might be accomplished and then let them discover what works best on their own. The phrase, "what can you do about that?" is a common one in our home. When a child comes to us with a problem solving issue, that is neither severe nor life threatening, you will often hear us say something like, "how frustrating, what do you think you can do to change it?" We want the child to know that we have heard their concern, but also want to encourage them to tackle this problem on their own.
When children wrestle or engage in more physical play, they learn about their own strength and how that strength can impact those around them. One does not know that it hurts when you hit someone until that person tells you. I am amazed at our almost 3 year old. He and his 6 year old brother wrestle all the time. (It actually drives me nuts :-) I always feel they are playing too rough. However, you should see our little guy with babies! He is so gentle. He has learned at this young age when it is appropriate to play rough and when it is necessary to play gentle. If we didn't allow the boys to free play in a rough way, we would still be trying to teach him. (It took our older son much longer to learn this concept because he didn't have any other boys to wrestle with, and the girls weren't interested.)
These are just two great benefits of free play. If you do your own research you will find lots of studies on play and how it helps children develop. Play is really a vital part of development. Here are some other great benefits I have found in my research:
-building skills
-social skills
-emotional skills
-language skills (key component of reading comprehension)
-thinking skills (a component of problem solving)
-nurturing skills (a form of empathy)
-imagination skills (key component of reading comprehension)
These are just two great benefits of free play. If you do your own research you will find lots of studies on play and how it helps children develop. Play is really a vital part of development. Here are some other great benefits I have found in my research:
-building skills
-social skills
-emotional skills
-language skills (key component of reading comprehension)
-thinking skills (a component of problem solving)
-nurturing skills (a form of empathy)
-imagination skills (key component of reading comprehension)
-loosing gracefully (a form of empathy)
-putting others before you (a form of empathy)
-compromise
-sharing
-creativity
-self entertainment/ intrinsic motivation (great for building resistance to peer pressure)
-delayed gratification
If you have read my blog a few times over the years, you know that we have chosen to educate most of our children at home. It works great for us, but I do know that the choice isn't best for everyone. However, wether your family chooses to educate at home or somewhere else, let me encourage you today to take some time to play. Play is something that is vanishing in our public schools (just look at our Kindergarten rooms) and really in the American society all together. It is a very sad thing to see. I predict that we will regret this trend.
Go have fun and let your children learn today through play :-)
-delayed gratification
If you have read my blog a few times over the years, you know that we have chosen to educate most of our children at home. It works great for us, but I do know that the choice isn't best for everyone. However, wether your family chooses to educate at home or somewhere else, let me encourage you today to take some time to play. Play is something that is vanishing in our public schools (just look at our Kindergarten rooms) and really in the American society all together. It is a very sad thing to see. I predict that we will regret this trend.
Go have fun and let your children learn today through play :-)
Friday, March 13, 2015
Scaring Them Into Obedience
We don't rent movies very often, but this time we did. Our typical routine is that my husband and I will watch the movie once the children have gone to bed and then decide whether the children will be able to view the movie the next day. This is all in an attempt to help, our children guard their hearts and minds, and preserve their thoughts for the work of Jesus. As all parents know, this is not an easy task.
Well, for this particular movie, my husband started the dvd as we were gathering some drinks and blankets for a cozy evening together. This allowed the previews to begin. (I am not really one for watching previews) One of the previews was for a movie focused on the rapture and the end times. I actually needed to turn my own eyes away. This looked like a trailer for the next horror film. (I can't watch horror films, I think the last one I saw was in high school) I was shocked. I know that hell is real and that pain, grief, and fear are real, but putting it into movie form with the graphics and sound effects was just too much for me. I looked at my husband and said, "we won't be renting that one for the family."
The night progressed, and we had a lovely time together watching our chosen film.
However, the images from the trailer are still with me. I have been thinking about them and have been trying to get a grip on why they are bothering me so much. "Scare tactics," it occurred to me that I don't like scare tactics. I don't like scaring our children, or anyone else for that matter, into obedience.
In my opinion, this movie about the rapture is a scare tactic. A group of people decided that they are so passionate about reaching those that are lost, that they want to scare them into believing in Christ. (Let me specify here, not all movies about the rapture are like this, I am speaking about this one particular movie.....which I have only seen the trailer for)
I understand the strong desire to see people brought to Christ, and for all those we love to spend eternity in Heaven, but does scaring really work?
We as a society have tried the scare tactics many times over the decades. There was the great sex scare.
An unbelievable amount of strange ideas came from people trying to scare their children out of having sex before marriage. There even seems to be some underlying belief that sex is bad. Sex isn't bad, it is a wonderful gift from God. Something that is meant to be enjoyed with your spouse, and an important part of who we are as human beings. Scaring children out of sex has given us a sexual revolution that is not showing any signs of slowing. The "pendulum" has swing so far the other way, that now there are tv shows glorifying 14, 15, and 16 year olds having babies. It is so great that even Hollywood has pushed the limits and is proclaiming abuse and violence to be a normal part of the sexual experience. I would venture to say that now the trend is almost becoming one of scaring children into having sex.
The schools are also trying to scare our children out of using drugs and other harmful behaviors. Even now our fifth grader (whom is not homeschooled), is writing a report on the dangers of smoking. Why? Because his group is going to convince one of their parents to stop smoking. A good thought, but rarely effective. He is looking at the black lungs, the list of harmful chemicals and many side effects. He is learning that smoking is bad. Why? "I don't know, it just is." Instead of dealing with the emotional issues that often lead to substance use, our society hopes that by scaring them enough, we will just convince them to stop. "Just stop feeling that way, it is BAD for you."
How easy is it for you to stop your feelings?
I honestly believe that educating our children about all these negative behaviors and our attempts to teach them what to avoid is drawing them to it. We are sinful people, and it is easy for us to be intrigued by new and mysterious situations. Trying to scare people away from a situation may work for a handful of people, but I firmly believe the vast majority are just going to become more curious. There must be a better way to educate then simply trying to scare them.
I think the most common scare tactic in our home is the "listen or else," tactic. I truly try to avoid it, but sometimes it just slips out. I don't want our children obeying because they are scared I might "hurt" them in someway. I want them to obey because they know I love them and I always want what is best for them. What does the scare tactic really teach our children anyway? Listen to me now, or you will regret it! So, then what happens when they are not with you? What happens when there is no one there to scare them? They get curious, that is what.
I have seen it with our own children. "Little man, you need to put that down." No response. "Did you hear me? I said you need to put that down." No response. "If you don't put that down, you will need to take a time out." And a time out it is. Why? Because he was curious to see what would happen. Would I really stand my ground? Did I really need him to put that down? Did he really need to listen? Yes, yes he did. So why then not 30 seconds later does another child come and pick up the same item that he was asked to put down? She is curious. Do the same rules apply to her? Will the consequence be the same? Maybe she is older and more mature and she can handle it?
Have you seen this in your home? If this is how they act with simple instructions, when the reinforcement is almost immediate, how do you think they are going to react in other situations? They are curious. I don't believe scaring them is going to stop them from being curious. They don't believe the response is the same for each person, some children may think they are more mature or stronger or won't be fooled by the same traps as others. You and I know they are wrong, but as most moms know, there comes a time in a child's life when the parents seem to know very little. (or so the child thinks)
I have seen it with our own children. "Little man, you need to put that down." No response. "Did you hear me? I said you need to put that down." No response. "If you don't put that down, you will need to take a time out." And a time out it is. Why? Because he was curious to see what would happen. Would I really stand my ground? Did I really need him to put that down? Did he really need to listen? Yes, yes he did. So why then not 30 seconds later does another child come and pick up the same item that he was asked to put down? She is curious. Do the same rules apply to her? Will the consequence be the same? Maybe she is older and more mature and she can handle it?
Have you seen this in your home? If this is how they act with simple instructions, when the reinforcement is almost immediate, how do you think they are going to react in other situations? They are curious. I don't believe scaring them is going to stop them from being curious. They don't believe the response is the same for each person, some children may think they are more mature or stronger or won't be fooled by the same traps as others. You and I know they are wrong, but as most moms know, there comes a time in a child's life when the parents seem to know very little. (or so the child thinks)
Why does God call us to obedience? Because He loves us! He knows that when we obey His commands we will live happier fuller lives. He also knows that when we choose to disobey, there will be natural consequences from our actions. He is not standing there with a big stick waiting to swat us when we disobey. He simply calls us to repent and to walk on His path once again.
People are often talking about the model that Jesus left for us. He called people to repentance, he confronted the sin of others and he invited people to walk with Him and put their trust in His Father. I don't recall any 20 minute lectures on why what a person was doing was wrong. The situations seem more to me like .....this was a unhealthy choice, this is a better choice, you are forgiven, come follow me......(ok, that is quite simplistic, but you get the general idea)
It makes me wonder, what would happen if we applied those steps to our relationships. Instead of the whole, "you better listen or else" tactic, maybe we could approach the situation out of love and gentleness. ***side note, this will not work if we don't genuinely love the person, it also will take a very long time to work, or may not work at all with those that have mental instabilities like terrorists and hardened criminals; I am mostly referring to family, friends and coworkers here. I know that real evil exists and situations become more complicated then a sweet talk and a hug.***
Obedience is extremely important, especially for young children. Let me encourage you to try to help your children obey out of love and not fear. The love you have for your children is almost indescribable, don't let it be hidden by a scare tactic. The love Christ has for us is even greater than the love you have for your children (which boggles my mind!) lets follow His example. And as for the movie, I pray that the love that we have for our children (and Christ) will permeate our lives and help us to genuinely love one another. It is an old say, but the world truly will know we are Christians by our love!
Obedience is extremely important, especially for young children. Let me encourage you to try to help your children obey out of love and not fear. The love you have for your children is almost indescribable, don't let it be hidden by a scare tactic. The love Christ has for us is even greater than the love you have for your children (which boggles my mind!) lets follow His example. And as for the movie, I pray that the love that we have for our children (and Christ) will permeate our lives and help us to genuinely love one another. It is an old say, but the world truly will know we are Christians by our love!
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
I Am A Fixer
I am a fixer. Are you a fixer? I think most moms are. When there is a fight over a toy we bring calm to the situation. When there is a scraped knee we fix it with band aids and love. When there is a crushed spirit we fix it with hugs and tissues. We bring meals to those having surgery. We watch our girlfriends' children when she needs a hand. We help at the church when they are in a bind. I am a fixer.
Do you know what frustrates this fixer? Not being able to fix it! I absolutely hate it when I can't fix something. It is hard for me to come to grips that I can't fix the situation. But, no amount of baking, reasoning or organizing is going to fix an extremely complicated situation.
I have come to learn that there are just some things that can't be fixed with baking, hugs and planning. Especially when the heart is broken. A hug might help for a moment, they might be thankful for a nice meal, but their heart is still aching.
Recently our circle of friends was hit hard by a shocking tragedy. Our hearts are broken, and I can not fix it. I baked some treats, I gave some hugs, and I served some coffee, but it is still not fixed. Even several days later, our hearts are still aching. I am sure several months from now our hearts will still be aching.
In the midst of this tragedy, the Pastor spoke these words to us all, "be still.......be still and know that I am God." Wow, how simple. Why do I make it so complicated? I was lifting up many things in prayer, but being still was not in my thought process. I am a fixer, being still is not really part of my plan.
It makes me wonder, how often is God asking me to "be still" and I am too busy playing the role of "the fixer" to realize it. How often? I am reminded of the verses in Luke 10 when Jesus is over at the home of Martha and Mary. Martha was "distracted by all of the preparations," while Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet. In my mind, Martha is a fixer. She is very busy making sure that her guests have everything they need. She is allowing others to listen to the words of Jesus. She however, becomes a bit overwhelmed by all her work and possibly by a desire to sit and listen too. She is frustrated by her sister's lack of help, but Jesus tells her that Mary has made a better choice. Mary was able to "be still." She was able to put aside the distractions of the world and sit still.
I actually love being a fixer! It makes me feel good to help others, to bless others and to use the talents God has given me to make others smile. I really have a hard time being still. I can always think of something else that needs to be done. But Jesus reminds me in Luke 10 that few things are needed, really only one. Him.
As we continue to work through our days, let me encourage all of us fixers to set aside some time to be still. I know it is challenging, with so many things that can be fixed. But Jesus is asking us to sit at His feet, set aside the distractions of our day, and bask in His presence. I promise to try, if you do!
Monday, January 26, 2015
Quick To Listen.....Slow To Become Angry
"Dear brothers and sisters, take not of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James 1:19
Wow, this verse has just been beating my behind this month. We have memorized it as a family, as part of our 2015 family adventure, but I think it is hitting me more than our children. Almost everyday I find myself being reminded of those words, after I had forgotten.
I know that this verse needs to completely work its way into my life, before I can expect it to work into the lives of my children. Children learn from example and from experience. I can lecture them and have chats with them, but their learning is most impacted by things they experience. This is way schools try to have as many "hands-on" activities as possible, especially at the elementary level. My children are learning a ton more from my actions than my words. I know that, you know that, so why is it so hard to live my life each and everyday in a way that is helpful and positively impactful to them?
I know that I am a busy mom, but is it really that hard to stop and listen to the ENTIRE story about why the juice is spilt on the table? "I know, you and your bother were fooling around and you knocked it over. It was an accident, I get it, just clean it up." But if I don't model listening, why should they take the time to listen? We practice listening to one another at meal times and during devotions, but isn't it just as important to listen when I am busy? This is a huge struggle for me!
I need to work on my listening skills. However, the second part of the verse is even more crippling to me. "Slow to become angry." Many will tell me often, how much patience I have and how great I am with our children. I usually graciously accept the compliment, but inside I am thinking, "if you only knew." I truly wish that my patience would last forever, but when it comes to telling you the 15th time to do something, the very thing I asked you 15 times to do yesterday, my patience moves out and anger moves in. It is not pretty.
Some will tell me that I have a right to be angry because our children should listen and obey. They are right about one thing, our children should listen and obey and that is why it is one of the first things our children learn. However, they are children, they are still learning and they are so distracted. I get distracted, I forget, and I am often preoccupied by something that is seemingly more important to me. Why do I expect a different level of focus from my children than I expect from myself?
What would I tell my son if he yelled at his sister for tapping her pencil on the table incessantly? I would tell him to use your words. There is no reason to scream at someone. What do I tell my daughter when she pushes her brother for not listening? I tell her to use her words. I am pretty consistent with telling our children that they need to control their anger, use their words and find more productive ways to demonstrate their frustration. So, why is it so hard for me? My sinful nature, my selfishness and some times even my need for perfection gets in my way.
So as our family accepts this adventure to memorize a verse a week for the 2015 calendar year, I find myself dwelling on our first verse. I chose the verse to help our children understand how we should be treating each other. I think God chose this verse to help me see that I need to work on it first. :-) I just love how God works, and how He gently teaches me and molds my heart.
Wow, this verse has just been beating my behind this month. We have memorized it as a family, as part of our 2015 family adventure, but I think it is hitting me more than our children. Almost everyday I find myself being reminded of those words, after I had forgotten.
I know that this verse needs to completely work its way into my life, before I can expect it to work into the lives of my children. Children learn from example and from experience. I can lecture them and have chats with them, but their learning is most impacted by things they experience. This is way schools try to have as many "hands-on" activities as possible, especially at the elementary level. My children are learning a ton more from my actions than my words. I know that, you know that, so why is it so hard to live my life each and everyday in a way that is helpful and positively impactful to them?
I know that I am a busy mom, but is it really that hard to stop and listen to the ENTIRE story about why the juice is spilt on the table? "I know, you and your bother were fooling around and you knocked it over. It was an accident, I get it, just clean it up." But if I don't model listening, why should they take the time to listen? We practice listening to one another at meal times and during devotions, but isn't it just as important to listen when I am busy? This is a huge struggle for me!
I need to work on my listening skills. However, the second part of the verse is even more crippling to me. "Slow to become angry." Many will tell me often, how much patience I have and how great I am with our children. I usually graciously accept the compliment, but inside I am thinking, "if you only knew." I truly wish that my patience would last forever, but when it comes to telling you the 15th time to do something, the very thing I asked you 15 times to do yesterday, my patience moves out and anger moves in. It is not pretty.
Some will tell me that I have a right to be angry because our children should listen and obey. They are right about one thing, our children should listen and obey and that is why it is one of the first things our children learn. However, they are children, they are still learning and they are so distracted. I get distracted, I forget, and I am often preoccupied by something that is seemingly more important to me. Why do I expect a different level of focus from my children than I expect from myself?
What would I tell my son if he yelled at his sister for tapping her pencil on the table incessantly? I would tell him to use your words. There is no reason to scream at someone. What do I tell my daughter when she pushes her brother for not listening? I tell her to use her words. I am pretty consistent with telling our children that they need to control their anger, use their words and find more productive ways to demonstrate their frustration. So, why is it so hard for me? My sinful nature, my selfishness and some times even my need for perfection gets in my way.
So as our family accepts this adventure to memorize a verse a week for the 2015 calendar year, I find myself dwelling on our first verse. I chose the verse to help our children understand how we should be treating each other. I think God chose this verse to help me see that I need to work on it first. :-) I just love how God works, and how He gently teaches me and molds my heart.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
52 Weeks Have Come And Gone
Isaiah 58:10-11
if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
11
And the Lord will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
Toward
the end of 2013, I was reading these verses and felt convicted to do
more for my community, those in need and those I love. I challenged our
family to take a 52 week adventure for the 2014 calendar year. Our goal
would be to serve or bless a different person or group each week of the
year. We have nine people in our family and would aim to have at least
seven of them participate in each blessing. We would also strive to have
no repeat activities in our 52 weeks. The original plan was to follow
this four week pattern:
-one week of baking treats -one week of collecting or making something
-one week of helping an individual or group -one week of working with an organization
That
was the original plan, and we followed it for the most part, but as we
were taking this adventure, we found that it was also important for my
husband and I to bless our own children (ages 2-14). We took the four
extra weeks outside the above pattern to do something fun and special as
a family. There was also one week where we were unable to serve because
we had too many sick members of the family. We balanced that by
completing two blessings a different week.
Well,
2014 is over and it was honestly one of the best years our family has
ever had. We have always strived to serve together, but we typically
served about once a month. Changing our mindset from serving someone
every month to "blessing" someone every week, made a huge difference. It
has become a part of who we are. There have even been several times
when the children have been asking when we would get to complete the
blessing for the week. I would highly recommend you trying a similar
adventure with your family!
Here are some of my favorite projects we did this year:
-Wal-mart gift cards....we
took each child and gave them a gift card to hand to a random person in
the superstore. We asked them to pray and think about whom God might
want them to give this card to. It was truly amazing to watch our
children walk up to people, hand them a gift card and tell them that
they are sharing because Jesus has called us to bless others. It was
awesome!
-Cards....we
took the prayer list from the bulletin at church and made cards for the
people on the list. These simple cards made by a child's hand touched
these people so much that they sought us out and came to talk to us.
Many of them had tears in their eyes. It is amazing how God can use a
scribbled picture to bless His people.
-Kids Against Hunger....we
worked with the organization Kids Against Hunger to help pack several
thousand meals for the starving children in the world. This is a great
project that all the children could help with.
-Rescue Worker Recognition....each
year for the past several years, we have taken the time on 9/11 to make
treats and gift baskets for the Firemen, Police Officers and Emergency
Room workers that serve our community. It is always great to visit these
places and share our gratitude for all they do.
-Warm Cocoa and muffins.....last January when the temperatures were far below zero, we made hot cocoa and warm muffins. We loaded up the car and delivered them to all the crossing guards in the town. Great fun!
There is truly nothing overly special about our family. We have our challenges just like all of you. We are not wealthy by societal measures and have pretty busy schedules. Our family was just able to complete this adventure because we accepted the challenge. I pray that you would think about accepting the same challenge with your family. You will not regret it!
-Warm Cocoa and muffins.....last January when the temperatures were far below zero, we made hot cocoa and warm muffins. We loaded up the car and delivered them to all the crossing guards in the town. Great fun!
There is truly nothing overly special about our family. We have our challenges just like all of you. We are not wealthy by societal measures and have pretty busy schedules. Our family was just able to complete this adventure because we accepted the challenge. I pray that you would think about accepting the same challenge with your family. You will not regret it!
Coming
up with 52 different projects can be a bit overwhelming. I would
encourage you to look at the people and places in your community, as
they may be different than ours, but here are some ideas that we had.
This is more than 52, (we did not complete all of these) so find the
activities that are the best fit for you and your family. Most of all,
pray for those you serve and have lots of fun!!
Bake Treats (everyone loves getting homemade snacks):
ER workers Policemen Teachers Ministry Staff Mailman
Bus Driver or Transit Personnel Neighbors Construction Workers
Crossing Guards Library Workers or a place you go often Life guards or coaches
Firemen Meals on Wheels or Soup Kitchen
Collecting and Making (things your family can collect or make to bless others):
Blair's Foster Socks Operation Christmas Child Hats and Gloves
Food Pantry Blankets for NICU Pillowcase Dresses Toys for Tots
Angel Tree Pregnancy Crisis Center Picnic Table for Habitat for Humanity
Cards or notes for elderly, military or ill No Sew scarves No Sew blankets
Random Giving (just give to random people you run into....very fun!):
Flowers ….just because you’re loved Ice Cream Coupons Freezy Pops
Buy fast food for the person behind you cards for prayer list Gift Cards
Organizations to Volunteer for or with (be sure to call ahead and make arrangements):
Habitat for Humanity or their Restore sites Humane Society County Parks
Feed My Starving Children or Kids Against Hunger Christian Music Festival
Christian Camp Go on a Family Mission Trip NICU in hospital Nursing Home
VA or military organization Family Promise or Homeless Shelter Food Pantry
Crisis Pregnancy Center Reading to students at schools or library Soup Kitchen
Meals on Wheels Battered Women’s Shelter St. Vincent De Paul
Helping at your place of Worship (:
Usher Greet Bake snacks Teach Sunday School / VBS or Work in the Nursery
Sanitize Nursery and Sunday School Toys Purchase Needed Supplies
Help cut / glue or prep craft projects Run Sound or Technology equipment
Fold / stuff or help in the office Setting up tables and/or chairs
Random Cleaning (grab some cleaning wipes and trash bags):
fast food play land park bike trail water way / coastline
Neighborhood roads sanitizing school desks and chairs
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