My Favorite Things

Do you know the song? Have you see the movie? I have seen The Sound Of Music, about twenty times or even more. It really is one of our family favorites.

A few weeks ago I was having a tough week. A schedule that was way too full, an irritating cold, some unexpected expenses and a crazy string of discipline issues at home just made me feel out of sorts and in need of a pick me up. I was waiting for a child to finish at an appointment and decided to take a nice walk around the block. It was finally spring and the weather was great. A gentle breeze, a partly cloudy sky and a comfortable temperature makes for great walks, at least in my book. 

As I rounded the second corner, it happened, the wonderful smell of fresh blooming lilacs engulfed me. I honestly had to stop and linger. I LOVE lilacs. I don't know why, but I always have. Just hanging out in the lilac breeze lifted my spirits and gave me an extra spring in my step. 

It made me think, maybe the old song from The Sound Of Music was more then just a fun piece. So I started listing MY favorite things.....not in song form, just a list:

-lilacs, obviously
-glances and waves our children give me when I drop them off at an activity
-when my husband holds my hand
-our little one pats me on the back when I pick him up, as if to say "there, there, mommy"
-watching dads play with their children at the park or in their yard
-seeing one of our children doing something they LOVE
-sunsets on the water or even a sunsetting behind you as you watch the water; it's awesome
-the quiet moments right after the children go to bed
-when one of our children yells, "thanks, you are the best mom ever!" especially when all I had to do was make pancakes for lunch.
-seeing our children praising God in worship
-a clock that says 12:34
-whisker rubs from my Grandfather (the thing I miss most about him)
-Dark Chocolate and raspberry snacks
-the smell and joy that comes when holding a newborn

You get the idea.

I have to tell you that after thinking about all these favorite things, and a few more, I felt truly blessed. I felt loved and was no longer in a bad mood. It is a strategy that I use often now. I am sure it is a little like counting your blessings :-)

If you are having a down day, let me encourage you to think of your favorite things. They are just some of the many blessings that God sends into your life to brighten your days. Enjoy making a list of your truly favorite things!

That Is Just How I Am.

"That is just how I am." It might be that I haven't been paying attention until recently, but I seem to be hearing that phrase more and more lately. And every time I hear it, my insides shout "NO!" Many times I want to tell them, "this is not who you are meant to be, this is whom you are choosing to be."

Recently a women from our community has asked me to mentor her. She has seen my life from the outside and believes she would be happier if she was more like me. I have explained to her that I am a mess, just like the rest of us, but I would be happy to walk along side her for awhile. So, the adventure began. We see each other at various events on a weekly basis, sometimes we meet outside of those events and sometimes she will call or text me when she feels she needs to talk. However, one of her favorite things to say when we are talking is, "that is just how I am."

This past weekend one of our daughters was invited to play in an orchestra workshop at the nearby college. They invite the top players from the area school districts for a day of learning that ends with a wonderful concert. In most orchestras you need to share a music stand with the person next to you. At this event you are often sharing a stand with someone you have never met before. Our daughter's stand mate this year was a self proclaimed mean person. During the event she said something about another group that was not nice, at which our daughter said, "that was kind of mean." She responded with, "yep, I am mean like that, it is just the way I am."

These are just two examples, I have many more. I understand that there has been a movement, at least in American society, to be more accepting of people and their unique differences. Overall, this is a good thing, we find less bias because of race, special needs, religious belief or economic situations. However, I think that many people are using this new movement as an excuse for their sin.

When I read the scriptures, I don't find any examples of believers that are content to be "just the way they are." When I look at scriptures I see people who desire to be forgiven, free and more like Christ. It is true that God loves us, and He loves us just the way we are. But it is also true that He loves us too much to leave us that way. He desires for us to "live lives to the full." Lives that are filled with joy, peace, good works and love. (John 10:10; Psalm 16:11; Acts 2:28; Acts 9:36) He desires for us to be a living example of His love, mercy and grace. (Acts 20:24; Titus 3:7; Isaiah 38:17; Jude 1:21) When we devote ourselves to the study of God's Word and to being a disciple of Christ, we are changing daily to become more and more like Him. We are not stuck in a sinful mold of "just the way I am."

Change is hard! Change is especially difficult for people who have chronic behaviors that are damaging to themselves and others. Change means that you will be walking an unfamiliar path and that can be scary. Allowing Christ to change your heart may mean He may change your friends or your habits, this can be uncomfortable. But think about it, what is the greater gift? A life of "just the way I am?" Or a little hard work and a life that is filled with God's amazing blessings?

I of course would encourage you to seek the latter. How do we change? Well, there is the tricky part, we can't really change ourselves. The best way is to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and produce the change that Christ desires for our lives. Spend time each day reading our Bible, spend time each day praying or having a conversation with God, and spending time each day thinking about the changes we think God desires for our lives. There is another tricky part, when we desire to allow the Holy Spirit to mold us, His work is never done. Each and everyday we will be changing from "just the way I am," to just the way Christ wants me to be. What a blessing to have a God that loves us so much!

I pray that as we allow Christ to work in our lives, we may encourage those around us to take these unfamiliar steps. May our desire to be more like Christ, give others the courage to let go of "just who they are," to become just whom God wants them to be.

Just Give Me Twenty Minutes

If I am going to be honest with you, I can admit that cleaning is NOT my favorite activity. Well, I actually don't mind cleaning when I have time, I just never seem to have time.....or make the time. One of our family's favorite movies has a line that is repeated throughout that states: "Homes are for free expression, not good impressions." I think we have embraced that saying. :-)

If I continue to be honest, I can admit that sometimes this free expression gets the best of me and I just want a clean home. So a few months ago we made a change. Each night we pause our activities about 20 minutes before bedtime to do a whole family cleaning sweep. We call it 20 minute cleaning. 

For this activity, we write down rooms that need to be picked up. The living room, kitchen and dining room are always on the list, but the other rooms make the list when they look like they need a bit of attention. Some rooms, like the playroom often have two pieces of paper, so two people are cleaning that room. Anyway, we write the rooms on small pieces of paper, fold them up and toss them into the air. Each member of the family grabs a piece of paper and is responsible for that room. (the three year old is allowed to help someone with their room and is not responsible for his own room)

There is a built in incentive. If you are able to completely pick up your room in less then the allotted 20 minutes (sometimes only 15 mins), you are encouraged to go and help someone who is still working. When your room is finished and you have helped someone else, you earn a sticker on our incentive chart. Sometimes the room you get is the messiest, so by the end there are many able to help you; sometimes you have the easiest room and have the opportunity to help others.

This means that 3-8 rooms are getting attention each and every evening. The number changes depending on how many people are home at the time. It is truly great to wake up and start each day with a nice, picked up home.

Here are some thoughts behind our process:
-I was noticing that people were not taking care of their own messes. With our chore chart people knew that child x was in charge of picking up the office, so since it wasn't their chore they would choose not to clean up. With 20 minute cleaning, you never know what room you will get, so cleaning up your mess now is often a good idea.
-I was looking for more ways for our children to help and encourage one another without my direction.
-I was really getting tired of picking up the entire home before going to bed. Some of my days are very long and there is often a lack of energy once the sun has set.
-Having help with picking up allows me more time to sit and invest in our marriage relationship.
-Since my husband and I each get a piece of paper also, we are able to model hard work and cooperation on an almost daily basis.
-good stewardship is not just about tithing, it is also about taking care of the items that God has blessed us with....in my mind this includes picking them up and putting them away.

Maybe this is not an area in your family that needs attention. It however, has worked great for our family, so I thought I would share the idea with all of you. You might be able to adapt it to fit a situation in your own home. Investing in your children's learning and giving them the opportunity to contribute to the family is always a winning situation for everyone. 

Where Were You On Easter Sunday?

I have been struggling with this post for some time, but I am finally ready to write my thoughts down.

This past Easter season, there was much discussion among our family and friends about where they would be and what is acceptable for an Easter Sunday event schedule. It seems like everyone had an opinion and most of them were feeling quite strongly about their opinions. I on the other hand, was wavering on my opinion.

Here are some things that my friends or their families were dealing with this recent Easter Sunday.

-attending a professional baseball game

-a son playing in a basketball tournament

-a daughter playing in a volleyball tournament

-a child working at a local restaurant 

-a husband needing to work

-a home full of family guests
-a day spent traveling to or from relatives festivities

With each new situation that friends shared advice and opinions came flooding in. "Easter is sacred" and "no game is important enough to play on Easter" and "Easter worship is the most important service of the year" and so fourth. It seemed a bit strange to me, because I don't remember these debates happening in years prior. I personally have never given much thought to what others are doing on Easter.

I do recall the commandment, "Remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy." But, I think it is safe to say that the expectations with that command have certainly changed over the years. For example, if we continue to read in Exodus, chapter 31 tells us "those who do any work on that day must be cut off from their people." Well, that leaves every pastor, organist, worship leader, Sunday school teacher, usher and worship technician "cut off" from the body of believers. I could be wrong, but it seems silly to me to declare that all church workers are now excluded from the body. This verse in Exodus says, "any work." Therefore, anyone who gardens, does house cleaning, washes their car, or any of those weekend chores we have come so accustomed to doing; seems to me that they are excluded from the body too.

To be completely honest with you, I think there are many people today that have actually started to put church and/or attending  church in front of actually Worshipping God. In my opinion, they have made going to church as important or sometimes even more important than spending time developing their personal relationship with Christ. You know who I am talking about: they are the ones who seem to judge you when you are not in Sunday service, even though you were attending church at your Grandmother's church; the ones who complain every week about the songs, or scripture reading, because after all, the service is really about THEM, and what THEY need; and the ones whom seem to be at every service, every Bible study and every service event, yet seem to have NO JOY to share with others. Don't get me wrong, I know that attending Sunday worship, Bible study and serving others are all extremely important, but they are outward signs of a Faith that is bubbling out of us because the love we have for Christ and the love He has for us, is too large to contain. They are not things that can be FORCED on anyone.

Back to the Easter debate. This debate actually started for me my senior year in high school. I was an active member of our youth group, a Sunday school and VBS teacher, sang special music in church and rarely missed a Sunday worship service. However, when my mother decided that our family would be spending Easter Sunday at Estes Park instead of our home church, I faced negative consequences. You see, I was preparing to attend a Christian college the next fall and needed our pastor to sign some paper commenting on my church involvement in order to apply for some financial aid packages. He refused. He told me that he was concerned about people who missed church service at the height of the festival season. I honestly thought he was joking and laughed. But, he was serious. So I told him that he should be concerned about those who only attended at the height of the festival, and that I would get Vicar Ron to sign my papers. (which he did and I attended the college of my choice) It all worked out, but it is a situation that obviously left an impression.

So when the Easter debate returned to our own home this year, I was slow to make a judgement. What did I want our daughter to remember about this Easter? What did I want her to know? Where were my feelings coming from? Would we allow our daughter to be away from us on Easter? Tough, tough questions, or at least they were tough for me. :-)

I went to college to become a church worker, and although I am officially a stay-at-home mom now, I spent almost all of my working years as a church worker and will really always be a church worker at heart. Church workers see so many families with all of their joys and heartaches. I have seen youth decide to walk away from the Christ because of one fight with their parents over church. No matter what is going on in our children's lives, the number one priority for me is to help them spend eternity with Jesus. In my mind this Easter debate could have become our "one fight." So, I wanted to make sure that I thought long and hard about this Easter debate. Did I feel strongly enough either way to take a firm stand?

Well, not to spoil the ending, but we let our daughter go with her team and play in a National Qualifier this past Easter weekend. It was a tough decision. It was also tough fielding the criticism. The decision came down to a desire for our daughter to honor God no matter what she is doing. We want her being an disciple of Christ in school and out, in church and out, on the court and off. We want her to know that it is ok to Worship in an unfamiliar church that holds our same views of scripture. But, what really drove our decision is that we don't want her to feel guilty or shamed when she is grown and finds that she needs to work on Easter. (FYI, who do you think is making and serving all those Easter brunches that families attend.....people working on Easter) As she grows, there is a legitimate chance that she will need to work an Easter or two during college or as a young adult. She needs to know/test herself and her faith, and I would much rather her tackle these struggles under my care than when she is first starting to live on her own.

The great thing she and many of us need to remember is that more and more churches are now having services on Saturdays or during the week. There are Bible studies offered throughout our community on almost everyday of the week. Our own personal Bibles are available to us all day, everyday. Our faith and hers is something that we need to live out Everyday, Everywhere and to Everyone. Spending time in Worship needs to be a priority! The rigidness of when and where, in my opinion, needs to be left to personal conviction. What is most important is the fact that Christ died for all of us, and that He is Risen. He is Risen indeed, Alleluia!!

Have a play day!

Play, in my opinion is underrated. I believe if you watch your children free play from a safe distance, (so they don't know you are watching), you will see my point.

I am defining free play as the time when children are playing without any direction from an adult, not a sport, or an established game, but a time when they are free to play in anyway they desire. When this happens amazing growth is happening with your child.

Problem solving....seems like many "experts" are talking about problem solving these days and the need for schools to teach children how to problem solve. I disagree. When a child is taught how to problem solve, then they aren't really problem solving, but simply following another's example. When children are allowed to free play without any interference from adults they develop true problem solving skills. As they build, create and discover, they make modifications to help change their "play" into something more meaningful. In today's society, children are learning that problems need to be solved instantly. If a child is having troubles problem solving in their free play it is ok to give them a small amount of guidance, but be careful that you don't start problem solving for them. For example, if your child wants to modify his creation so that he can pull it across the floor, help him think of a variety of ways that this might be accomplished and then let them discover what works best on their own. The phrase, "what can you do about that?" is a common one in our home. When a child comes to us with a problem solving issue, that is neither severe nor life threatening, you will often hear us say something like, "how frustrating, what do you think you can do to change it?" We want the child to know that we have heard their concern, but also want to encourage them to tackle this problem on their own.

When children wrestle or engage in more physical play, they learn about their own strength and how that strength can impact those around them. One does not know that it hurts when you hit someone until that person tells you. I am amazed at our almost 3 year old. He and his 6 year old brother wrestle all the time. (It actually drives me nuts :-) I always feel they are playing too rough. However, you should see our little guy with babies! He is so gentle. He has learned at this young age when it is appropriate to play rough and when it is necessary to play gentle. If we didn't allow the boys to free play in a rough way, we would still be trying to teach him. (It took our older son much longer to learn this concept because he didn't have any other boys to wrestle with, and the girls weren't interested.)

These are just two great benefits of free play. If you do your own research you will find lots of studies on play and how it helps children develop. Play is really a vital part of development. Here are some other great benefits I have found in my research:
-building skills    
-social skills
-emotional skills
-language skills (key component of reading comprehension)
-thinking skills (a component of problem solving)
-nurturing skills (a form of empathy)
-imagination skills (key component of reading comprehension)

-loosing gracefully (a form of empathy)

-putting others before you (a form of empathy)

-compromise 

-sharing

-creativity

-self entertainment/ intrinsic motivation (great for building resistance to peer pressure)
-delayed gratification

If you have read my blog a few times over the years, you know that we have chosen to educate most of our children at home. It works great for us, but I do know that the choice isn't best for everyone. However,  wether your family chooses to educate at home or somewhere else, let me encourage you today to take some time to play. Play is something that is vanishing in our public schools (just look at our Kindergarten rooms) and really in the American society all together. It is a very sad thing to see. I predict that we will regret this trend.

Go have fun and let your children learn today through play :-)

Scaring Them Into Obedience

We don't rent movies very often, but this time we did. Our typical routine is that my husband and I will watch the movie once the children have gone to bed and then decide whether the children will be able to view the movie the next day. This is all in an attempt to help, our children guard their hearts and minds, and preserve their thoughts for the work of Jesus. As all parents know, this is not an easy task.

Well, for this particular movie, my husband started the dvd as we were gathering some drinks and blankets for a cozy evening together. This allowed the previews to begin. (I am not really one for watching previews) One of the previews was for a movie focused on the rapture and the end times. I actually needed to turn my own eyes away. This looked like a trailer for the next horror film. (I can't watch horror films, I think the last one I saw was in high school) I was shocked. I know that hell is real and that pain, grief, and fear are real, but putting it into movie form with the graphics and sound effects was just too much for me. I looked at my husband and said, "we won't be renting that one for the family." 

The night progressed, and we had a lovely time together watching our chosen film. 

However, the images from the trailer are still with me. I have been thinking about them and have been trying to get a grip on why they are bothering me so much. "Scare tactics," it occurred to me that I don't like scare tactics. I don't like scaring our children, or anyone else for that matter, into obedience.

In my opinion, this movie about the rapture is a scare tactic. A group of people decided that they are so passionate about reaching those that are lost, that they want to scare them into believing in Christ. (Let me specify here, not all movies about the rapture are like this, I am speaking about this one particular movie.....which I have only seen the trailer for)

I understand the strong desire to see people brought to Christ, and for all those we love to spend eternity in Heaven, but does scaring really work?

We as a society have tried the scare tactics many times over the decades. There was the great sex scare. 

An unbelievable amount of strange ideas came from people trying to scare their children out of having sex before marriage. There even seems to be some underlying belief that sex is bad. Sex isn't bad, it is a wonderful gift from God. Something that is meant to be enjoyed with your spouse, and an important part of who we are as human beings. Scaring children out of sex has given us a sexual revolution that is not showing any signs of slowing. The "pendulum" has swing so far the other way, that now there are tv shows glorifying 14, 15, and 16 year olds having babies. It is so great that even Hollywood has pushed the limits and is proclaiming abuse and violence to be a normal part of the sexual experience. I would venture to say that now the trend is almost becoming one of scaring children into having sex. 

The schools are also trying to scare our children out of using drugs and other harmful behaviors. Even now our fifth grader (whom is not homeschooled), is writing a report on the dangers of smoking. Why? Because his group is going to convince one of their parents to stop smoking. A good thought, but rarely effective. He is looking at the black lungs, the list of harmful chemicals and many side effects. He is learning that smoking is bad. Why? "I don't know, it just is." Instead of dealing with the emotional issues that often lead to substance use, our society hopes that by scaring them enough, we will just convince them to stop. "Just stop feeling that way, it is BAD for you." 

How easy is it for you to stop your feelings?

I honestly believe that educating our children about all these negative behaviors and our attempts to teach them what to avoid is drawing them to it. We are sinful people, and it is easy for us to be intrigued by new and mysterious situations. Trying to scare people away from a situation may work for a handful of people, but I firmly believe the vast majority are just going to become more curious. There must be a better way to educate then simply trying to scare them.

I think the most common scare tactic in our home is the "listen or else," tactic. I truly try to avoid it, but sometimes it just slips out. I don't want our children obeying because they are scared I might "hurt" them in someway. I want them to obey because they know I love them and I always want what is best for them. What does the scare tactic really teach our children anyway? Listen to me now, or you will regret it! So, then what happens when they are not with you? What happens when there is no one there to scare them? They get curious, that is what.

I have seen it with our own children. "Little man, you need to put that down." No response. "Did you hear me? I said you need to put that down." No response. "If you don't put that down, you will need to take a time out." And a time out it is. Why? Because he was curious to see what would happen. Would I really stand my ground? Did I really need him to put that down? Did he really need to listen? Yes, yes he did. So why then not 30 seconds later does another child come and pick up the same item that he was asked to put down? She is curious. Do the same rules apply to her? Will the consequence be the same? Maybe she is older and more mature and she can handle it?

Have you seen this in your home? If this is how they act with simple instructions, when the reinforcement is almost immediate, how do you think they are going to react in other situations? They are curious. I don't believe scaring them is going to stop them from being curious. They don't believe the response is the same for each person, some children may think they are more mature or stronger or won't be fooled by the same traps as others. You and I know they are wrong, but as most moms know, there comes a time in a child's life when the parents seem to know very little. (or so the child thinks)

Why does God call us to obedience? Because He loves us! He knows that when we obey His commands we will live happier fuller lives. He also knows that when we choose to disobey, there will be natural consequences from our actions. He is not standing there with a big stick waiting to swat us when we disobey. He simply calls us to repent and to walk on His path once again. 

People are often talking about the model that Jesus left for us. He called people to repentance, he confronted the sin of others and he invited people to walk with Him and put their trust in His Father. I don't recall any 20 minute lectures on why what a person was doing was wrong. The situations seem more to me like .....this was a unhealthy choice, this is a better choice, you are forgiven, come follow me......(ok, that is quite simplistic, but you get the general idea)

It makes me wonder, what would happen if we applied those steps to our relationships. Instead of the whole, "you better listen or else" tactic, maybe we could approach the situation out of love and gentleness. ***side note, this will not work if we don't genuinely love the person, it also will take a very long time to work, or may not work at all with those that have mental instabilities like terrorists and hardened criminals; I am mostly referring to family, friends and coworkers here. I know that real evil exists and situations become more complicated then a sweet talk and a hug.***

Obedience is extremely important, especially for young children. Let me encourage you to try to help your children obey out of love and not fear. The love you have for your children is almost indescribable, don't let it be hidden by a scare tactic. The love Christ has for us is even greater than the love you have for your children (which boggles my mind!) lets follow His example. And as for the movie, I pray that the love that we have for our children (and Christ) will permeate our lives and help us to genuinely love one another. It is an old say, but the world truly will know we are Christians by our love!

I Am A Fixer

I am a fixer. Are you a fixer? I think most moms are. When there is a fight over a toy we bring calm to the situation. When there is a scraped knee we fix it with band aids and love. When there is a crushed spirit we fix it with hugs and tissues. We bring meals to those having surgery. We watch our girlfriends' children when she needs a hand. We help at the church when they are in a bind. I am a fixer.

Do you know what frustrates this fixer? Not being able to fix it! I absolutely hate it when I can't fix something. It is hard for me to come to grips that I can't fix the situation. But, no amount of baking, reasoning or organizing is going to fix an extremely complicated situation.  

I have come to learn that there are just some things that can't be fixed with baking, hugs and planning. Especially when the heart is broken. A hug might help for a moment, they might be thankful for a nice meal, but their heart is still aching.

Recently our circle of friends was hit hard by a shocking tragedy. Our hearts are broken, and I can not fix it. I baked some treats, I gave some hugs, and I served some coffee, but it is still not fixed. Even several days later, our hearts are still aching. I am sure several months from now our hearts will still be aching.

In the midst of this tragedy, the Pastor spoke these words to us all, "be still.......be still and know that I am God." Wow, how simple. Why do I make it so complicated? I was lifting up many things in prayer, but being still was not in my thought process. I am a fixer, being still is not really part of my plan.

It makes me wonder, how often is God asking me to "be still" and I am too busy playing the role of "the fixer" to realize it. How often? I am reminded of the verses in Luke 10 when Jesus is over at the home of Martha and Mary. Martha was "distracted by all of the preparations," while Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet. In my mind, Martha is a fixer. She is very busy making sure that her guests have everything they need. She is allowing others to listen to the words of Jesus. She however, becomes a bit overwhelmed by all her work and possibly by a desire to sit and listen too. She is frustrated by her sister's lack of help, but Jesus tells her that Mary has made a better choice. Mary was able to "be still." She was able to put aside the distractions of the world and sit still.

I actually love being a fixer! It makes me feel good to help others, to bless others and to use the talents God has given me to make others smile. I really have a hard time being still. I can always think of something else that needs to be done. But Jesus reminds me in Luke 10 that few things are needed, really only one. Him. 

As we continue to work through our days, let me encourage all of us fixers to set aside some time to be still. I know it is challenging, with so many things that can be fixed. But Jesus is asking us to sit at His feet, set aside the distractions of our day, and bask in His presence. I promise to try, if you do!