Those of you who read this blog regularly, know that about 2 years ago we added two children to our family. We have celebrated, cried, argued and rejoiced for these children. But, today I am here to say that I need to take a moment to be brutally honest. I had NO idea what we were signing up for!
You may have noticed that I haven't written any posts in quite some time. Our family dynamic just got to the point where writing my thoughts was not a priority, or maybe not even a possibility. In my opinion "LIFE" simply consumed me.
I am not going to write specifics about our children, but some general observations about them and others like them that have left me questioning and confessing that "I had NO idea."
It truly boggles my mind to know that there are so many children in the Foster Care system and other systems like it. These children have most likely been bouncing around the government system for a long time. I have a very hard time wrapping my mind around how it must feel to be young and have no permanent home. They need a home. They need to know that someone loves them. They need to know that they are important.
When we were asked to take in these children, our family had several conversations about what might happen and what would be the best choice to make. Do we add two more children to our already seemingly large family? How will this change our immediate family? How will having two additional children impact our extended family and friends? And so on, and so on.
I never once thought, "what if they hate it here?" or "what if they are too difficult to deal with?" After all, I am offering a loving home; a wonderful Christian environment and more opportunities than they have ever seen. Besides, in all the movies and shows we ever see the adoptive or foster children always adjust wonderfully to their new family and grow to be strong loving adults. Everything would be great, what was there to worry about?
We were required to go through the foster parent certification process in order to have the children join our family. During the process, it became abundantly clear that there were going to be some new things happening in our home. The foster parent guidelines specifically speak about children whom still have bathroom accidents into their teen years; children that are years behind in their schooling; children that have consistent nightmares; children that have anxiety induced behavior outbursts for seemingly no reason; children that physically and sexually hurt other children; and many other extremely sad situations. I felt so naive, all I was offering was a loving Christian home.
So, you might be wondering what we were thinking. Why in the world would we bring such potential danger into our home, especially when we have young children of our own? James 1:27. That is really all I can say, James 1:27. There are other verses as well, but God calls us to look after the fatherless. How could we just walk away? What would we be saying to our own children? What would the two foster children think? Just another "parent" that had no interest in taking the time to love them. We couldn't say no. We knew they belonged with us. They ARE our family!
There isn't a day that goes by that we don't have some sort of minor struggle. However, that goes for all of our children. There is always someone who is forgetting to turn off the light, someone who is hurting someone's feelings, someone who isn't doing their best on their homework, someone who is _____ you can fill in the blank, I am sure you have struggles in your home too. Sometimes we have a pretty big struggle, and we find ourselves traveling down extremely unfamiliar paths, but guess what.....God is always with us. Even when I fall flat on my face and handle the situation completely wrong, He is with us. He is clearly providing us the strength that we need to make it to the end of each day with a smile and a bit of hope for tomorrow. He never ceases to amaze me.
I know you may find this shocking, but it is clearly one of the greatest, worst, most exciting and scariest decisions we have ever made. None of our lives will ever be the same again. It might be difficult to understand, but it is completely humbling to me to see how God has prepared us and is using His grace and mercy to mold each and every one of us. I still have no idea. No idea what each day will bring, no idea what new joy or struggle is around the corner, no idea where this path is going to take us next. No matter how hard I try, I still have no idea what each day will bring.
I try to be encouraging with my posts, but this is a challenging topic to be overly encouraging with. That said, I would love to encourage you to pray about adding this amazing adventure to your family. There are more than 100,000 foster children in the US alone that are waiting to be adopted. That number only includes children in the foster care system and in the US. There are many more waiting with private ministries and in the impoverished countries around the world. You have no idea what amazing adventure God has in store for you and the children He has prepared for you.
I have no idea, you have no idea, the children have no idea......but God in His infinite wisdom knows exactly what is ahead. I pray that you will embrace James 1:27 and completely rock your current world and the world of some incredible children.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Friday, June 26, 2015
Fatherless, Moving Forward
This past weekend it was Father's Day here in the United States. It is usually a nice time for us to celebrate the Dads that make a difference in our lives everyday. In our family we usually celebrate by cooking one of my husband's favorite meals, leaving the house so he can take a nap, and giving him a home made spa treatment. The children love getting a chance to pick a simple gift and give dad the special attention he deserves. It is a fun idea.
Although our Father's Day weekend was a time of fun and activities, I have noticed that many are not celebrating this day. It was first brought to my attention in worship. The Pastor was sharing a sermon about fathers and the great influence they have on their children. He was helping us all to see how we have a responsibility to take our faith and knowledge of Christ's amazing love and share it with the children we come in contact with. The sermon had just begun when a gentlemen stood up and walked out of the service declaring, "I didn't have a father." We spoke after the service, and he didn't seem interested in hearing the details of the sermon, he just wanted to keep declaring, "I didn't have a father." In the evening, my social media page was filled with similar statements. Father's Day is a tough day for many.
On one hand, I can completely relate to these sentiments. I have never met my father. He left before I was born and I have no idea where he might be. When I was in college I was able to find his mother, my grandmother. She wrote to me for several months, but then she told me she couldn't write any longer (I think my father told her to stop). I am also assuming that she has passed away because I am not able to find her any longer. It is sad, I wish I had an opportunity to know them both.
This lack of a father in my life has helped to shape who I am. I knew that I did not want my children growing up without a father, so I was very picky about whom I felt God was leading me to marry. I also developed a heart for children that were in the same situation. Children without fathers have many emotional gaps in their lives. This is one reason that we have added two fatherless children to our family. Our desire is to help them see a different definition of family and help them see how they can break the cycle of fatherlessness that they were born from. (They are the 3rd generation in their biological family to have a fatherless home)
However, the fact that I am fatherless does not define who I am! I now have the greatest father ever, the Heavenly Father. He is the most amazing father that anyone could ask for. He created me, He showers me with blessings and He loves me unconditionally. He knows my needs, my secrets, my deepest dreams and He cares for my every need. He is your Heavenly Father too! I encourage you to claim His love if you are struggling with not having an earthly father.
I would also love to encourage you to reach out to others. If your family is blessed to have both a mother and a father, reach out to a family or two who does not. Children NEED to have time with both a mother and a father. Maybe you know a family where the father has died, left or was never involved at all. Take a moment, get to know the family and invest in those children. Maybe they would love to go fishing with you or even just out for ice cream. Fathers don't need to do anything special, it is special just spending time together. I was truly blessed to have a wonderful Grandfather and some fun loving Uncles that invested time in my life; it made an incredible difference for me. You don't need to invest a ton of time, even just three or four times a year will make a wonderful difference.
It is abundantly clear to me, after the reactions from this past weekend that there are many hurting people in our world today. Many of them are hurting because they don't have an earthly father involved in their lives. We can do something about this, let us share the love and knowledge of Christ with those God has placed in our path. There are over 40 verses in the Bible about fatherless people, and almost every verse is telling us that we need to care for them and help them to live their lives to the full potential God has intended for them. I pray that we will all have the courage to start a new relationship with a fatherless child and share God's amazing love with them!
Although our Father's Day weekend was a time of fun and activities, I have noticed that many are not celebrating this day. It was first brought to my attention in worship. The Pastor was sharing a sermon about fathers and the great influence they have on their children. He was helping us all to see how we have a responsibility to take our faith and knowledge of Christ's amazing love and share it with the children we come in contact with. The sermon had just begun when a gentlemen stood up and walked out of the service declaring, "I didn't have a father." We spoke after the service, and he didn't seem interested in hearing the details of the sermon, he just wanted to keep declaring, "I didn't have a father." In the evening, my social media page was filled with similar statements. Father's Day is a tough day for many.
On one hand, I can completely relate to these sentiments. I have never met my father. He left before I was born and I have no idea where he might be. When I was in college I was able to find his mother, my grandmother. She wrote to me for several months, but then she told me she couldn't write any longer (I think my father told her to stop). I am also assuming that she has passed away because I am not able to find her any longer. It is sad, I wish I had an opportunity to know them both.
This lack of a father in my life has helped to shape who I am. I knew that I did not want my children growing up without a father, so I was very picky about whom I felt God was leading me to marry. I also developed a heart for children that were in the same situation. Children without fathers have many emotional gaps in their lives. This is one reason that we have added two fatherless children to our family. Our desire is to help them see a different definition of family and help them see how they can break the cycle of fatherlessness that they were born from. (They are the 3rd generation in their biological family to have a fatherless home)
However, the fact that I am fatherless does not define who I am! I now have the greatest father ever, the Heavenly Father. He is the most amazing father that anyone could ask for. He created me, He showers me with blessings and He loves me unconditionally. He knows my needs, my secrets, my deepest dreams and He cares for my every need. He is your Heavenly Father too! I encourage you to claim His love if you are struggling with not having an earthly father.
I would also love to encourage you to reach out to others. If your family is blessed to have both a mother and a father, reach out to a family or two who does not. Children NEED to have time with both a mother and a father. Maybe you know a family where the father has died, left or was never involved at all. Take a moment, get to know the family and invest in those children. Maybe they would love to go fishing with you or even just out for ice cream. Fathers don't need to do anything special, it is special just spending time together. I was truly blessed to have a wonderful Grandfather and some fun loving Uncles that invested time in my life; it made an incredible difference for me. You don't need to invest a ton of time, even just three or four times a year will make a wonderful difference.
It is abundantly clear to me, after the reactions from this past weekend that there are many hurting people in our world today. Many of them are hurting because they don't have an earthly father involved in their lives. We can do something about this, let us share the love and knowledge of Christ with those God has placed in our path. There are over 40 verses in the Bible about fatherless people, and almost every verse is telling us that we need to care for them and help them to live their lives to the full potential God has intended for them. I pray that we will all have the courage to start a new relationship with a fatherless child and share God's amazing love with them!
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Travel Fun
It is summer and a great time for families to travel together on great adventures. There are lots of great places to go: trips to visit family, trips to area attraction or trips to national parks and monuments. I hope you have some fun trips planned for your family.
We recently took a road trip with the whole family. Road trips can be challenging, especially with children. Today, I would like to share with you some fun things that we do on our trips to keep the time moving quickly and the adventures positive. I like to think that our vacation begins the minute we start out of our driveway. I try to plan things that the whole family can be involved in, so we are making great memories together even when we are on the road. We do have a DVD player, but limit the number of movies we watch on each trip. I, of course, did not "invent" all of these ideas on my own, but I am happy to share the wisdom of my friends and our experiences with you.
Activity Bags:
-We have two different types of activity bags. We ask the children to pack their own activity bag (however, now that our family is so large, we ask them to share bags). These bags are filled with books, coloring stuff and other activities that can easily be done in the car. They keep their bags near them in the car and can access them when ever they are feeling bored.
-The second type of activity bags are items I keep with me. I have a few items in large zip lock bags or just in my bag that I pull out when everyone needs a little boost. These would be items the children will not be expecting or are new to them. On this last trip we had new sticker books, glow bracelets, fun snacks, chenille crafts and gel pens.
Audio CDs:
-We take the opportunity to listen to great audio CDs on long trips. We love "Adventures In Odyssey," "Jonathan Park," and classic literature books. We usually get these items from our local library. These are made for children, but are extremely interesting. My husband and I enjoy them just as much as the children. These also usually lead to some great discussions about faith, friendship and character.
Car Games:
-There are tons of car games available these days. It will only take a few moments on the internet and you will have more games then you could possibly need. Some of our favorites are road bingo, the alphabet game and guess the mileage. When discussing games with a friend, I discovered that our family's alphabet game is much different then the one others play, so I am going to share it with you.
Our alphabet game moves around the car and gives each person a chance to share their thoughts. If I start, I would have the letter A. I need to think about the letter A and decide the answer to three questions. Where would I like to go? How do I plan to get there? What am I going to buy? If I have A, I would say something like: I am going to take a trip to Australia, I am going to take an airplane and I am going to buy an apple. The next person now has the letter B. Maybe they will say they are going to Bobby's house, they are going to take a boat, and they are going to buy a ball. Then we move to the next person who has the letter C, and so on. The only rule is that your answers need to start with the letter you have been given. We do make some adaptations for very small children, as a word may sound like it starts with a K when actually it starts with a C; and for the letter X, each answer must have an X in the word, but does not need to start with X. We have a great deal of fun with this game. Try not to get caught up on logistics. It is ok if a child wants to go to Hawaii and get their by horse. They both start with H and the child did a good job to think of them. Some of those types of situations, really help to make the game funny and keeps the game moving.
Trip Tracker:
-This last trip, which was over 29 hours in the car, we used a trip tracker. Great idea! We took some time to look at the route we would be taking and printed the name of a city we would be passing through about every 30 to 45 minutes. One of our daughters took the names and attached a small piece of velcro to the back. She then attached the names of the cities around the top of the inside of the van in the order that we would be passing through or stopping at them. She also printed a picture of a van that looks just like ours. She attached velcro to that as well. The velcro van started under the city of our home town. As we traveled, we would move the van to the next city when we reached it. Each child was given the chance to move the velcro van a few times as it past by the area where they sat. It was great fun! The children new exactly how much farther we needed to go, how long it would be until we stopped and there we no times of asking "are we there yet?" We really love this idea and will certainly be using this activity again.
Every type of travel is an adventure. I pray that you and your family have an amazing time making memories together and making the most of your travel experiences!
We recently took a road trip with the whole family. Road trips can be challenging, especially with children. Today, I would like to share with you some fun things that we do on our trips to keep the time moving quickly and the adventures positive. I like to think that our vacation begins the minute we start out of our driveway. I try to plan things that the whole family can be involved in, so we are making great memories together even when we are on the road. We do have a DVD player, but limit the number of movies we watch on each trip. I, of course, did not "invent" all of these ideas on my own, but I am happy to share the wisdom of my friends and our experiences with you.
Activity Bags:
-We have two different types of activity bags. We ask the children to pack their own activity bag (however, now that our family is so large, we ask them to share bags). These bags are filled with books, coloring stuff and other activities that can easily be done in the car. They keep their bags near them in the car and can access them when ever they are feeling bored.
-The second type of activity bags are items I keep with me. I have a few items in large zip lock bags or just in my bag that I pull out when everyone needs a little boost. These would be items the children will not be expecting or are new to them. On this last trip we had new sticker books, glow bracelets, fun snacks, chenille crafts and gel pens.
Audio CDs:
-We take the opportunity to listen to great audio CDs on long trips. We love "Adventures In Odyssey," "Jonathan Park," and classic literature books. We usually get these items from our local library. These are made for children, but are extremely interesting. My husband and I enjoy them just as much as the children. These also usually lead to some great discussions about faith, friendship and character.
Car Games:
-There are tons of car games available these days. It will only take a few moments on the internet and you will have more games then you could possibly need. Some of our favorites are road bingo, the alphabet game and guess the mileage. When discussing games with a friend, I discovered that our family's alphabet game is much different then the one others play, so I am going to share it with you.
Our alphabet game moves around the car and gives each person a chance to share their thoughts. If I start, I would have the letter A. I need to think about the letter A and decide the answer to three questions. Where would I like to go? How do I plan to get there? What am I going to buy? If I have A, I would say something like: I am going to take a trip to Australia, I am going to take an airplane and I am going to buy an apple. The next person now has the letter B. Maybe they will say they are going to Bobby's house, they are going to take a boat, and they are going to buy a ball. Then we move to the next person who has the letter C, and so on. The only rule is that your answers need to start with the letter you have been given. We do make some adaptations for very small children, as a word may sound like it starts with a K when actually it starts with a C; and for the letter X, each answer must have an X in the word, but does not need to start with X. We have a great deal of fun with this game. Try not to get caught up on logistics. It is ok if a child wants to go to Hawaii and get their by horse. They both start with H and the child did a good job to think of them. Some of those types of situations, really help to make the game funny and keeps the game moving.
Trip Tracker:
-This last trip, which was over 29 hours in the car, we used a trip tracker. Great idea! We took some time to look at the route we would be taking and printed the name of a city we would be passing through about every 30 to 45 minutes. One of our daughters took the names and attached a small piece of velcro to the back. She then attached the names of the cities around the top of the inside of the van in the order that we would be passing through or stopping at them. She also printed a picture of a van that looks just like ours. She attached velcro to that as well. The velcro van started under the city of our home town. As we traveled, we would move the van to the next city when we reached it. Each child was given the chance to move the velcro van a few times as it past by the area where they sat. It was great fun! The children new exactly how much farther we needed to go, how long it would be until we stopped and there we no times of asking "are we there yet?" We really love this idea and will certainly be using this activity again.
Every type of travel is an adventure. I pray that you and your family have an amazing time making memories together and making the most of your travel experiences!
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Deep Roots
An important part of "Raising An Orchard" is having deep roots in God's Word. Deuteronomy 6:7 tells us that we need to teach the Word to our children. It tells us to talk to our children when we are at home, at night, in the morning and anywhere you go. Psalms 119:11 tells us to hide God's word in our hearts so that we might not sin against Him.
Last year, we took a challenge as a family to serve more, we met our goal of 52 weeks of blessing. This year we are taking a challenge to memorize God's Word. Our goal was to memorize a Bible verse each week. It is a huge challenge, but one we felt was extremely important. Well, it is about half way through the year, and I need to tell you that we have adjusted our original goal. We started memorizing a verse a week, but changed our plan to a verse every other week.
By taking two weeks to learn each verse we are able to not only learn the words the verse says, but the meaning behind the verse....which after all is the point. The adjustment in the plan has also given us an opportunity to review verses we have already learned. It has been a great journey thus far!
Let me encourage you to start memorizing scriptures with your family. Maybe you can memorize one verse a week or one verse a month, create a schedule that works best for your family. It is a great way to invest in your child's life!
By taking two weeks to learn each verse we are able to not only learn the words the verse says, but the meaning behind the verse....which after all is the point. The adjustment in the plan has also given us an opportunity to review verses we have already learned. It has been a great journey thus far!
Let me encourage you to start memorizing scriptures with your family. Maybe you can memorize one verse a week or one verse a month, create a schedule that works best for your family. It is a great way to invest in your child's life!
Friday, May 29, 2015
My Favorite Things
Do you know the song? Have you see the movie? I have seen The Sound Of Music, about twenty times or even more. It really is one of our family favorites.
A few weeks ago I was having a tough week. A schedule that was way too full, an irritating cold, some unexpected expenses and a crazy string of discipline issues at home just made me feel out of sorts and in need of a pick me up. I was waiting for a child to finish at an appointment and decided to take a nice walk around the block. It was finally spring and the weather was great. A gentle breeze, a partly cloudy sky and a comfortable temperature makes for great walks, at least in my book.
As I rounded the second corner, it happened, the wonderful smell of fresh blooming lilacs engulfed me. I honestly had to stop and linger. I LOVE lilacs. I don't know why, but I always have. Just hanging out in the lilac breeze lifted my spirits and gave me an extra spring in my step.
It made me think, maybe the old song from The Sound Of Music was more then just a fun piece. So I started listing MY favorite things.....not in song form, just a list:
-lilacs, obviously
-glances and waves our children give me when I drop them off at an activity
-when my husband holds my hand
-our little one pats me on the back when I pick him up, as if to say "there, there, mommy"
-watching dads play with their children at the park or in their yard
-seeing one of our children doing something they LOVE
-sunsets on the water or even a sunsetting behind you as you watch the water; it's awesome
-the quiet moments right after the children go to bed
-when one of our children yells, "thanks, you are the best mom ever!" especially when all I had to do was make pancakes for lunch.
-seeing our children praising God in worship
-a clock that says 12:34
-whisker rubs from my Grandfather (the thing I miss most about him)
-Dark Chocolate and raspberry snacks
-the smell and joy that comes when holding a newborn
You get the idea.
I have to tell you that after thinking about all these favorite things, and a few more, I felt truly blessed. I felt loved and was no longer in a bad mood. It is a strategy that I use often now. I am sure it is a little like counting your blessings :-)
If you are having a down day, let me encourage you to think of your favorite things. They are just some of the many blessings that God sends into your life to brighten your days. Enjoy making a list of your truly favorite things!
-glances and waves our children give me when I drop them off at an activity
-when my husband holds my hand
-our little one pats me on the back when I pick him up, as if to say "there, there, mommy"
-watching dads play with their children at the park or in their yard
-seeing one of our children doing something they LOVE
-sunsets on the water or even a sunsetting behind you as you watch the water; it's awesome
-the quiet moments right after the children go to bed
-when one of our children yells, "thanks, you are the best mom ever!" especially when all I had to do was make pancakes for lunch.
-seeing our children praising God in worship
-a clock that says 12:34
-whisker rubs from my Grandfather (the thing I miss most about him)
-Dark Chocolate and raspberry snacks
-the smell and joy that comes when holding a newborn
You get the idea.
I have to tell you that after thinking about all these favorite things, and a few more, I felt truly blessed. I felt loved and was no longer in a bad mood. It is a strategy that I use often now. I am sure it is a little like counting your blessings :-)
If you are having a down day, let me encourage you to think of your favorite things. They are just some of the many blessings that God sends into your life to brighten your days. Enjoy making a list of your truly favorite things!
Thursday, May 14, 2015
That Is Just How I Am.
"That is just how I am." It might be that I haven't been paying attention until recently, but I seem to be hearing that phrase more and more lately. And every time I hear it, my insides shout "NO!" Many times I want to tell them, "this is not who you are meant to be, this is whom you are choosing to be."
Recently a women from our community has asked me to mentor her. She has seen my life from the outside and believes she would be happier if she was more like me. I have explained to her that I am a mess, just like the rest of us, but I would be happy to walk along side her for awhile. So, the adventure began. We see each other at various events on a weekly basis, sometimes we meet outside of those events and sometimes she will call or text me when she feels she needs to talk. However, one of her favorite things to say when we are talking is, "that is just how I am."
This past weekend one of our daughters was invited to play in an orchestra workshop at the nearby college. They invite the top players from the area school districts for a day of learning that ends with a wonderful concert. In most orchestras you need to share a music stand with the person next to you. At this event you are often sharing a stand with someone you have never met before. Our daughter's stand mate this year was a self proclaimed mean person. During the event she said something about another group that was not nice, at which our daughter said, "that was kind of mean." She responded with, "yep, I am mean like that, it is just the way I am."
These are just two examples, I have many more. I understand that there has been a movement, at least in American society, to be more accepting of people and their unique differences. Overall, this is a good thing, we find less bias because of race, special needs, religious belief or economic situations. However, I think that many people are using this new movement as an excuse for their sin.
When I read the scriptures, I don't find any examples of believers that are content to be "just the way they are." When I look at scriptures I see people who desire to be forgiven, free and more like Christ. It is true that God loves us, and He loves us just the way we are. But it is also true that He loves us too much to leave us that way. He desires for us to "live lives to the full." Lives that are filled with joy, peace, good works and love. (John 10:10; Psalm 16:11; Acts 2:28; Acts 9:36) He desires for us to be a living example of His love, mercy and grace. (Acts 20:24; Titus 3:7; Isaiah 38:17; Jude 1:21) When we devote ourselves to the study of God's Word and to being a disciple of Christ, we are changing daily to become more and more like Him. We are not stuck in a sinful mold of "just the way I am."
Change is hard! Change is especially difficult for people who have chronic behaviors that are damaging to themselves and others. Change means that you will be walking an unfamiliar path and that can be scary. Allowing Christ to change your heart may mean He may change your friends or your habits, this can be uncomfortable. But think about it, what is the greater gift? A life of "just the way I am?" Or a little hard work and a life that is filled with God's amazing blessings?
I of course would encourage you to seek the latter. How do we change? Well, there is the tricky part, we can't really change ourselves. The best way is to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and produce the change that Christ desires for our lives. Spend time each day reading our Bible, spend time each day praying or having a conversation with God, and spending time each day thinking about the changes we think God desires for our lives. There is another tricky part, when we desire to allow the Holy Spirit to mold us, His work is never done. Each and everyday we will be changing from "just the way I am," to just the way Christ wants me to be. What a blessing to have a God that loves us so much!
I pray that as we allow Christ to work in our lives, we may encourage those around us to take these unfamiliar steps. May our desire to be more like Christ, give others the courage to let go of "just who they are," to become just whom God wants them to be.
Recently a women from our community has asked me to mentor her. She has seen my life from the outside and believes she would be happier if she was more like me. I have explained to her that I am a mess, just like the rest of us, but I would be happy to walk along side her for awhile. So, the adventure began. We see each other at various events on a weekly basis, sometimes we meet outside of those events and sometimes she will call or text me when she feels she needs to talk. However, one of her favorite things to say when we are talking is, "that is just how I am."
This past weekend one of our daughters was invited to play in an orchestra workshop at the nearby college. They invite the top players from the area school districts for a day of learning that ends with a wonderful concert. In most orchestras you need to share a music stand with the person next to you. At this event you are often sharing a stand with someone you have never met before. Our daughter's stand mate this year was a self proclaimed mean person. During the event she said something about another group that was not nice, at which our daughter said, "that was kind of mean." She responded with, "yep, I am mean like that, it is just the way I am."
These are just two examples, I have many more. I understand that there has been a movement, at least in American society, to be more accepting of people and their unique differences. Overall, this is a good thing, we find less bias because of race, special needs, religious belief or economic situations. However, I think that many people are using this new movement as an excuse for their sin.
When I read the scriptures, I don't find any examples of believers that are content to be "just the way they are." When I look at scriptures I see people who desire to be forgiven, free and more like Christ. It is true that God loves us, and He loves us just the way we are. But it is also true that He loves us too much to leave us that way. He desires for us to "live lives to the full." Lives that are filled with joy, peace, good works and love. (John 10:10; Psalm 16:11; Acts 2:28; Acts 9:36) He desires for us to be a living example of His love, mercy and grace. (Acts 20:24; Titus 3:7; Isaiah 38:17; Jude 1:21) When we devote ourselves to the study of God's Word and to being a disciple of Christ, we are changing daily to become more and more like Him. We are not stuck in a sinful mold of "just the way I am."
Change is hard! Change is especially difficult for people who have chronic behaviors that are damaging to themselves and others. Change means that you will be walking an unfamiliar path and that can be scary. Allowing Christ to change your heart may mean He may change your friends or your habits, this can be uncomfortable. But think about it, what is the greater gift? A life of "just the way I am?" Or a little hard work and a life that is filled with God's amazing blessings?
I of course would encourage you to seek the latter. How do we change? Well, there is the tricky part, we can't really change ourselves. The best way is to allow the Holy Spirit to work in us and produce the change that Christ desires for our lives. Spend time each day reading our Bible, spend time each day praying or having a conversation with God, and spending time each day thinking about the changes we think God desires for our lives. There is another tricky part, when we desire to allow the Holy Spirit to mold us, His work is never done. Each and everyday we will be changing from "just the way I am," to just the way Christ wants me to be. What a blessing to have a God that loves us so much!
I pray that as we allow Christ to work in our lives, we may encourage those around us to take these unfamiliar steps. May our desire to be more like Christ, give others the courage to let go of "just who they are," to become just whom God wants them to be.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Just Give Me Twenty Minutes
If I am going to be honest with you, I can admit that cleaning is NOT my favorite activity. Well, I actually don't mind cleaning when I have time, I just never seem to have time.....or make the time. One of our family's favorite movies has a line that is repeated throughout that states: "Homes are for free expression, not good impressions." I think we have embraced that saying. :-)
If I continue to be honest, I can admit that sometimes this free expression gets the best of me and I just want a clean home. So a few months ago we made a change. Each night we pause our activities about 20 minutes before bedtime to do a whole family cleaning sweep. We call it 20 minute cleaning.
For this activity, we write down rooms that need to be picked up. The living room, kitchen and dining room are always on the list, but the other rooms make the list when they look like they need a bit of attention. Some rooms, like the playroom often have two pieces of paper, so two people are cleaning that room. Anyway, we write the rooms on small pieces of paper, fold them up and toss them into the air. Each member of the family grabs a piece of paper and is responsible for that room. (the three year old is allowed to help someone with their room and is not responsible for his own room)
There is a built in incentive. If you are able to completely pick up your room in less then the allotted 20 minutes (sometimes only 15 mins), you are encouraged to go and help someone who is still working. When your room is finished and you have helped someone else, you earn a sticker on our incentive chart. Sometimes the room you get is the messiest, so by the end there are many able to help you; sometimes you have the easiest room and have the opportunity to help others.
This means that 3-8 rooms are getting attention each and every evening. The number changes depending on how many people are home at the time. It is truly great to wake up and start each day with a nice, picked up home.
Here are some thoughts behind our process:
-I was noticing that people were not taking care of their own messes. With our chore chart people knew that child x was in charge of picking up the office, so since it wasn't their chore they would choose not to clean up. With 20 minute cleaning, you never know what room you will get, so cleaning up your mess now is often a good idea.
-I was looking for more ways for our children to help and encourage one another without my direction.
-I was really getting tired of picking up the entire home before going to bed. Some of my days are very long and there is often a lack of energy once the sun has set.
-Having help with picking up allows me more time to sit and invest in our marriage relationship.
-Since my husband and I each get a piece of paper also, we are able to model hard work and cooperation on an almost daily basis.
-good stewardship is not just about tithing, it is also about taking care of the items that God has blessed us with....in my mind this includes picking them up and putting them away.
Maybe this is not an area in your family that needs attention. It however, has worked great for our family, so I thought I would share the idea with all of you. You might be able to adapt it to fit a situation in your own home. Investing in your children's learning and giving them the opportunity to contribute to the family is always a winning situation for everyone.
There is a built in incentive. If you are able to completely pick up your room in less then the allotted 20 minutes (sometimes only 15 mins), you are encouraged to go and help someone who is still working. When your room is finished and you have helped someone else, you earn a sticker on our incentive chart. Sometimes the room you get is the messiest, so by the end there are many able to help you; sometimes you have the easiest room and have the opportunity to help others.
This means that 3-8 rooms are getting attention each and every evening. The number changes depending on how many people are home at the time. It is truly great to wake up and start each day with a nice, picked up home.
Here are some thoughts behind our process:
-I was noticing that people were not taking care of their own messes. With our chore chart people knew that child x was in charge of picking up the office, so since it wasn't their chore they would choose not to clean up. With 20 minute cleaning, you never know what room you will get, so cleaning up your mess now is often a good idea.
-I was looking for more ways for our children to help and encourage one another without my direction.
-I was really getting tired of picking up the entire home before going to bed. Some of my days are very long and there is often a lack of energy once the sun has set.
-Having help with picking up allows me more time to sit and invest in our marriage relationship.
-Since my husband and I each get a piece of paper also, we are able to model hard work and cooperation on an almost daily basis.
-good stewardship is not just about tithing, it is also about taking care of the items that God has blessed us with....in my mind this includes picking them up and putting them away.
Maybe this is not an area in your family that needs attention. It however, has worked great for our family, so I thought I would share the idea with all of you. You might be able to adapt it to fit a situation in your own home. Investing in your children's learning and giving them the opportunity to contribute to the family is always a winning situation for everyone.
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