As our children get older and enjoy activities with friends outside of church or homeschooling, our family has many opportunities to discuss views and practices that our much different than our own. One topic that creeps its way into our home a couple of times a year is dating. It seems that many people outside our home are very preoccupied with finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
Our family has a basic understanding of courtship and we try to instill in our children the importance of growing strong in Christ and trusting Him to find your spouse. My husband and I have been blessed with 20 wonderful years of marriage and know that every marriage is filled with ups, downs and unexpected turns. We also know that a marriage that is based on a mutual relationship with Christ as your first love will be stronger than one based on lust for one another.
When we talk with our children about their friends dating situations, there are many subtopics that enter the conversation. Our children listen to their friends tell them how the boyfriend/girlfriend spreads lies about the other, or one pressures the other into being more intimate than is mutually consented, or how they lie to their parents about what they are doing, and on and on. The conversations make me so sad. These are young people, some are not even in high school yet. Their pain truly breaks my heart.
A few weeks ago my husband was listening to a talk by Mark Hall. He is the lead singer for Casting Crowns and the Youth Pastor at his home congregation. He was having a question and answer segment with youth all over the nation. One youth asked about dating and advice for finding a mate. His answer was simply genius and something I had never thought of before. He responded by saying that he believes the modern day dating culture we have is really nothing more than divorce practice. Wow! Is our society really teaching our youth how to get a divorce?
If you think about it, what we call dating today is all about selfishness, lust and status. When someone stops making us happy, stops looking the prettiest or gets cut from the basketball team, they are no longer worthy to be called our boyfriend/girlfriend. It seems like our young people believe that dating and marriage is all about fulfilling their own desires.....when in reality marriage is truly about fulfilling the needs of the other person. The Bible tells us that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. When looking at scripture, you will see that Christ died for the church. He sacrificed himself, acted unselfishly, and put the needs of others in front of His own. Do you see THAT anywhere in our dating system today?
I believe that Mark is 100% right. When children start dating at a young age, they are not focused on building a lasting relationship that will help both members become the best version of themselves, they are only focused on themselves and what the relationship can do for them. Children are being encouraged to date, give away part of their heart, judge the other person's short comings, decide the other person is not fulfilling their needs, break-up, and start all over again. It seems crazy to me, and I can't imagine why we as a culture think that this is a good idea. How do we expect young people to value marriage and be invested in their marriage, when this is the "training" they receive?
I am also wondering why there are so many people who feel it is important for young people to have a boyfriend/girlfriend when they are still in elementary school? Shouldn't we be more concerned with helping them develop strong friendships, their character, their own personality and seeking out the talents they have been given? One of my greatest irritations is when someone comes up to one of our children and asks them if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Our oldest is 13 for goodness sake! Why in the world are you asking my 5 year old if he has a girlfriend? He has a lot of growing to do before he will be ready to treat a girl as the princess she has been created to be. The last thing I want is for him to be focusing on developing a completely useless skill (attracting girls), when there are so many important skills for him to learn.
How do we talk to our kids about dating? We talk about the importance of a Godly marriage often. The value of allowing God to choose your mate, the characters that make-up a Godly mate and the give and take that is necessary for a successful marriage, are all things we discuss with all of our children. It seems that our modern day tv programs and movies provide us with amble opportunities to compare God's ways to the ways of Hollywood. We also take our children on dates. When Dad takes one of the girls on a date, he demonstrates how they should expect to be treated (opening doors, polite conversation, he puts their needs first), and they spend time talking together about the high standard the girls should expect. We do the same with the boys, demonstrating how they should treat a girl on a date and talking together about the high standard that has been set for them. This is a practice in dating that we hope will help our children develop the skills they need to discern whom their forever spouse will be.
Let me encourage you and your spouse to take sometime to talk about your children and dating. Pray about what might be the best way for you to help your children understand the importance of a Godly marriage. After all, your children will potentially be with their spouse longer than they were ever at home with you. I know we all desire to give our children as many skills as possible to help their marriage grow stronger each year and be the happiest time of their lives. I hope we all can help our children say "no" to divorce practice.
No comments:
Post a Comment