Let It Go

I am absolutely loving this nice weather we are finally having. The kids are able to ride their bikes, run through the grass and just have fun. It seems that each week we are blessed with a family picnic, end of the year party, or gathering of some sort. I just love this time of year.

One thing I have noticed in this season of gatherings is how different we as parents treat this outside time. I feel that sunscreen is important for our kiddos, so we lather up, while there are many others that don't. Our boys are always playing with sticks, so it doesn't bother me when they find sticks at the park, but other parents have a no stick policy. I think it is wonderful how each family has it's own way of showing love to their children.

Even though we each have our own expectations and thoughts on what is best, I would like to encourage us all to look at how tightly we are holding on to our children. One of our biggest responsibilities is to help prepare them for when they are away from us. I hate seeing my children get older sometimes. I want them to stay snuggly and cute and just little. But, I know it is best for them to start trying things own their own, to make their own choices and to handle problems on their own.

I am the mom that waits to see what my son will do when he gets stuck on the playground. I am close enough to help if things get serious, but I really want him to figure this out on his own. I am the mom that let's my children stay home alone when I am running a 15 minute errand (not all of them, and not all at once, but when they are ready I have no problem giving them this opportunity) I am the mom that will allow her daughter to cook a dish for the party we are having. I am even the mom that let her 11 year old cut her hair. (It is only hair, it will grow back!) 

These small little things help our children grow and develop. They allow them to "check out" who they really are. Providing moments for our children to thrive or fail in a protected environment will give them the courage to try again. Failing is scary. Failing in front of our friends and family can sometimes be even scarier. But, if we are providing opportunities for them to develop their independence all through their childhood, they will learn what they need to succeed. You may even be shocked by what they are able to accomplish!

A word of caution....don't fall into the traps. I see two traps when allowing our children to thrive or fail that will reverse any good work that has been done. First, stepping in. I know it is hard, but restrain yourself. If they are not going to seriously injure themselves, ALLOW THEM TO FAIL! Our children will learn very little about themselves and their God given talents if we are always stepping in. They will be ok, you will be ok. Actually they will be better than ok, because we will have given them the chance to grow and develop as an individual. Think back to all, the times you failed as a child. I can't speak for you, but my failures helped me to grow as much or even more than my successes. Allow your child that same gift. The second trap I see a lot is shaming. We need to refrain from shaming our children when they fail. When we shame our children we are no longer providing the safe environment to try new things. Shaming children stifles their desire to try new things and doesn't allow them to learn from their failures, which is vitally important. Our children need to be allowed to fail without being shamed. I make mistakes each and everyday, I am really glad that most of the time no one is watching to point it out to me.

What are your plans for this weekend? Can you work some opportunities for growth and independence development into your weekend? I know it will be challenging, but let's start to let go. Each day let us work to allow our kiddos to make their own choices and try more things on their own in a safe and shame free environment. You will be so proud of them and amazed at all they can do!

Things of Value

Have you ever taken a hike with a young child? I love the way they see things so differently than I. They find treasures along the path, maybe it is a colorful leaf that has fallen or a funny shaped stick or a shiny rock. These items have value in their eyes. These are precious, and they will let you know that when you try to tell them that these dirty items are not coming in the car with you. I am sure we were like this when we were young. We found value in the simple things, what happened?

I have been thinking about value a lot lately. What makes something valuable? Who gets to decide what is more valuable than something else? If you have a child older than 10, you know what I am talking about. Visualize this situation with me....two shirts, both the same color, shape, style and size, but one cost twice as much as the other and is sought after by all tween age girls. Have you been there? Who decided that the shirt with the small round logo was the BEST? These situations bug me and I try to get our children to see the value in spending our money wisely, and find something's true value, but that is not really what I want to focus on today.

I would like to focus more on who decides that some people are more valuable than others. Who decides that this person has much value, while this one does not? Why do we listen to those who devalue others? More importantly, who gets to decide whom is more valuable than someone else? 

This week one of our kids was setting up races and games to challenge the other children. Sounds fine, until we discovered that only the little ones were allowed to be part of the challenge. So, this child was basically guaranteeing that they would always win and the little ones would always loose. When investigating the situation a bit more, we discovered that the driving force behind these activities was the need to feel important and valued. Our child has noticed that they are not fast or skilled athletically like their school friends. In their mind, that translated to not being as valuable as others in their class. It broke my heart. 

I read an article a few weeks ago that basically proclaimed that I was "mindless," "infantile," and a "masochist." At first, I was very angry and frustrated that women whom spend their energy yelling that we have a choice, resort to name calling when I choose to make a different choice than them. But after my anger subsided, I began to think about my value. My value is not determined by a group of feminists who truly know nothing about me or what I do. To be perfectly honest with you, I don't think any of those ladies would last more than 1 day doing my "job," much less making our home run successfully year after year. I had fallen into the same trap as my child. I was allowing someone else determine what made me valuable.

At the time when Paul was writing to the church in Ephesus, there were many that had lost their value. The Roman Empire had decided and enforced, that the Jews were of lesser value than the Romans. The Jews had decided that the Gentiles were of lesser value than them. Almost everyone had decide they were more valuable than the lepers. It seems that very few people had any true value. In Ephesians chapter 2 Paul assures us all that we are valuable. He uses one of my favorite phrases...."But God!" But God chose those with no perceived value and raised them up and seated them in the heavenly places in Christ. Later in the same chapter, Paul tells us that we "are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit." I don't know about you, but I think a dwelling place for God is pretty valuable!

We all need to know that we have value. Unfortunately we seem to live in a society that spends more time telling us we are not valuable. They tell us we are not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, athletic enough or we don't have the right type of home, job, car or friends. I am here to proclaim, that these things do not determine ones value.

My child may not be athletic, but they are valuable because they are fearfully and wonderfully made. They are valuable because they were knit together by God in their mother's womb. They are valuable because they are a precious gift from God for me and our family. In the same way, I may not work at a fortune 500 company, but I am still valuable because I am part of the chosen people and God's special possession. I am valuable because God has declared me to be. I am valuable because I am investing in the precious children that God has blessed us with each and everyday.

Let me encourage you today to stop listening to the world around us. I pray that you and your children will find your value in the promises and love of God. No matter what hardships you are currently facing or names that are being thrown your way, YOU ARE a precious child of God that has been blessed with many talents and abilities. He loves you, calls you His own and desires for you to know that YOU are VALUABLE!

Here are some of the scripture verses I referenced in today's post: 1Peter 2:9; Psalm 139:13-14; Ephesians 2:22; Ephesians 2:4 and 6; Matthew 10:21; Matthew 12:12; and John 10:3.

Hanging WithThe Expert

Take a moment with me and think of a gift that God has given one of your children, or given you. Maybe they can play an instrument, draw, sing, dance, act or play a sport better than most. You are doing what you can to help them develop their gift. I can assume that you are taking them to lessons/practices, encouraging them and possibly even signing them up for a camp or other exciting opportunity. We are doing the same and excited to see how God is going to use these gifts in our children to glorify Him.

Please take another moment and imagine that your child now has been granted the opportunity to spend a day with the expert in their field. Our oldest daughter would love to spend a day learning from Misty May, our next daughter from Yo-Yo Ma, while our youngest daughter would faint at the possibility to work with Gabby Douglas. I am sure you get the idea. Your child has the chance to spend a day with the expert.

You mark the calendar, you save the fee and you are ready for the special day. Your child meets the expert, spends some time with them and shows them what they can do. How do you think you and/or your child might react if the expert, after watching/listening to your child, simply looked at your child and said "that is great?" "That is great, you are doing just fine. There really is no reason for you to strive to get better."

I know that I would be disappointed. I would be frustrated that we had come to the event expecting to learn, improve, grow....and nothing happened. I might even think it was a waste of our time. Why? Because I know that there is always something to learn. I know that we can always get better at a craft or activity we are working at, we wanted to become more like the expert. There is truly always something that we can learn.

I want to switch gears now. Let us stop thinking of a tangible talent or gift, and now begin to consider our faith. What if instead of focusing on the talent, we looked a little closer at our relationship with Christ. Is our faith something that we are looking to develop and grow?

What if I tell you that you are invited to spend time with an expert in the faith field? This expert has agreed to meet with you and help you improve your faith walk. Would you mark your calendar? Would you be anxious with anticipation? Well, you HAVE been invited! Christ is the expert and He is available to meet with you each and everyday!

In conversations I have been having lately, it seems to me that many of us are looking at our quiet time with a negative slant. We think it is time we could use for something more important. I encourage you to look at it more like you are Hanging with the Expert. It is true that Christ loves you just as you are, but it is also true that He loves you too much to leave you that way. He like any expert will help you to see which areas of you life might need a little adjusting. He can help open your eyes to areas of your heart that need to be softened, or areas of sin that need to be cut out. What a privilege for us to be able to meet daily with such a loving and all knowing Savior! Your faith is a gift, and I pray that you will be excited about meeting with Him and developing your gift.

Enjoy your time hanging with the expert, He truly loves you too much to leave you exactly how you are!

God's Not Dead

There is a movie currently showing in the US entitled "God's Not Dead." It is a very interesting movie based on a challenge on a college campus. The professor declares that "God IS dead," and requires everyone in the class to make the same declaration. One student however is not willing to make such a declaration. He is a Christian and refuses to go along with this professor's demands. The professor than challenges him to prove that God exists, a challenge which the student reluctantly accepts. Along with this main storyline, there are several smaller story lines all dealing with how different people in the community are walking or not walking in faith.

As I was watching the film I put myself in each character's shoes. How would I have responded if my boyfriend would have said that? Would I have had the courage to stand up to my father? Would I have been willing to stand up in front of my class and discuss my faith? I would like to think that I would have handled all of those situations with nothing but renewed strength in Jesus, but I am really not sure.

I have also been thinking about how I might react to someone declaring that God IS dead. How do I KNOW that God is NOT dead? How do I pass this knowledge onto my children, so that they know that God is not dead?

How do I KNOW that God is NOT dead? Well, that is an easy one. God has been active in my life for as long as I can remember. I truly believe that He allowed unpredictable things to happen which caused us to leave two hours later than we were suppose to.....thus missing a multi car, multi death accident on the very road we would be driving. I have no doubt that He breathed life and health into our young child that was born not breathing and with no pulse. After ten minutes of medical personnel trying to get her to breathe on her own, she did and has no side affects whatsoever. The addition of our last two children can only be explained by a wonderful working of God's Hand. There have been so many challenges, roadblocks, roads never traveled before and legal situations that they should never have entered our doors. However, God made a way and they are here. They are part of our everyday, they are part of our family and they are part of our life. God has filled my life with many more situations like these, it is simply amazing! I am amazed by the love, mercy and grace God shows me and our family every single day!

Those are great experiences, but are they enough to help my children or others to believe that God is alive and well? I don't think so. My faith is very important to me, but that doesn't automatically transfer to others. If we are completely honest with ourselves, the Holy Spirit is the one who develops faith in a person. Anyone can read the Bible, but if the Holy Spirit isn't guiding them, they are simply reading words on a page. Anyone can go to church, but if the Holy Spirit isn't opening their heart and mind, they are just listening to random speeches and music. I need to admit that although I have great influence over our children and their faith, I have no control.

Our number one goal as a family, is to have our children come to saving faith in Jesus Christ, to know Him as their Savior, Redeemer and Friend. Since I have no real control over their faith development, I try to provide as many opportunities as possible for the Holy Spirit to work in their lives. Part of the plan includes attending Worship regularly, praying daily, having family devotions, and serving others.   We also encourage our children to have personal devotion time by providing them resources, asking questions and modeling the importance of this time. I know other families that utilize Christian summer camps, Christian music concerts, Christian magazines for children, Vacation Bible Schools, Awana clubs and youth groups. There are many great resources available for you and your family to help your child and others around you grow in their faith and KNOW that God is NOT dead, I think the key is consistency and being completely open on how God is working in your life everyday. God IS alive and well and working in your life on a daily basis, all you need to do is let others see His work in you.

Blessings....Round 1

You may recall that our family felt lead to take on a challenge to complete 52 different blessings this year. We are trying to give a blessing a week. I previously shared my plan and some grand ideas I had. Well, let's just say completing 52 different blessings has been quite a challenge, but we have been so blessed. It has been an awesome adventure! We are 1/4 of the way through our journey, so I thought I would take some time to post how things are going.

We had a VERY cold winter this year. It was more than 20 degrees below zero on several occasions. So our first project was to take warm muffins and hot chocolate to the crossing guards. These crossing guards are near every school and help to get the children of our community across the streets safely. It was so much fun to drive through the community and hand these wonderful adults something to warm them up. The gratefulness of the first crossing guard actually brought tears to my eyes. This was a very simple act, but it changed her world that day. After that first blessing it became apparent to me that we might actually be blessed more than those we are blessing.

That first blessing went great, but we have hit some snags and struggles along the way. My original plan was to involve at least 75% of the family in each blessing in order for it to count, I wanted to work once a month with an established organization and I wanted to bless those in the community around us. Well, those plans haven't always worked out exactly how I thought. We have found that many organizations don't accept children under a certain age or only accept volunteers during the school day hours, making it hard for us to meet the first two guidelines. I have also seen the need to bless those not only in our community, but also in our family. So, our guidelines needed to be adjusted a bit, but the idea is still the same. Take each week and choose one idea that you haven't done yet this year and have fun blessing someone else.

My favorite and our children's favorite blessing thus far is the day we handed out gift cards at our local discount store. It was amazing! We took the whole family this time and divided into three "teams." Each child choose a gift card from the store and used the $15 we had given them to load the cards at the check out. We instructed the children to think of people that might really need a $15 boost. One decided they would look for a mom with a lot of kids, one wanted to find a pregnant women and another wanted to find an elderly person....they had caught the vision. Our teams split up through out the store and the children began to look for a person to bless. They really struggled with this decision, I could tell they were worried about making "the wrong choice." We stopped and took a moment to pray: "God, please help us to see with your eyes and listen to our hearts as you guide us to the people you want to bless today." As we continued to walk through the store they continued to struggle. So, I told them that if they think they see someone, that they should pray in their mind and see if they have a peace about the idea. That seemed to work well for them. The teams were split up, so I didn't get to see each card be handed out, but I saw a few. There were two older couples that argued with us a little, but we insisted and they finally accepted. We did find a pregnant women, a single father and some others the kids had a heart for. My favorite however, was when our eight year old spotted a women with two carts of groceries. She walked up, handed her the card and said, "I would like you to have this." The women responded by asking "why?" Our daughter replied, "because God wants us to care for one another." As she was walking back towards me, my eyes met with another lady in the aisle. This women had overheard the conversation and with tears in her eyes she mouthed the words, "that was so sweet." We had blessed an additional person without even trying. Later in the store I saw this women telling her husband and children about the events she had overheard. Maybe they might even be inspired to give a blessing of their own.

Let me be honest, when I told our children last November that we were going to be completing weekly blessings, they were less than thrilled. But now, they ask me what we are going to be doing. They even give me feedback and have started coming up with ideas of their own. We are having a great time, growing closer together, making great memories and sharing God's blessings along the way. It is a great start to our year. Let me encourage you to take a challenge to bless others (maybe once a month or every other week) you will be amazed at how wonderful the experiences actually are. You and your children will not be disappointed!

Marriage Is A Strange Thing

Marriage is a strange thing. Two people leave all that they know, and start something completely new. They do this with excitement, anxiety, fear and exhilaration. One moves from being a single person, mostly concerned about the family of their childhood, maybe their college degree or possibly their first career, to being united with another person and start a family of their own. Before their wedding vows, there is nothing but a dream, and by the end of the ceremony, a family has begun. A unique family designed by God himself and lived out by man. Marriage is a strange thing.

This week my husband and I are celebrating our 20^th wedding anniversary. It seems absolutely crazy to me that we have been married for 20 years. We had a fairly traditional wedding: a church, a meal, special music, gifts, lots of family and friends. It was a wonderful day. When I look at the pictures, I am completely shocked by how young we were. At the time we didn’t think we were young at all, and we had it all under control. Oh, how foolish we were. Two youngsters in their twenties jumping full force into this unknown territory.

As I look back at our relationship there are several things that I believe helped us make it to where we are today….happily married and growing stronger each year. There is a strong possibility that our children will be getting married someday, here are a few things I share with them on a regular basis:

-be friends first: We enjoyed spending time together before we started a relationship. We found many things that we loved doing together, these are things we have been able to build on in our marriage. We still enjoy most of those things today.

-talk about everything: When Jim and I knew that God was leading us to marry one another we spent hours upon hours talking things through. We both came from “broken” homes and didn’t want that for our family or our children. We talked about everything we could think of: how to raise the children we might have; what denomination of the Christian church we would be; what certain Bible verses meant to us; what was acceptable and not acceptable in a marriage; would we use birth control and what type; what was the purity plan for our courtship; and anything else we could think of. These were not always fun talks. We argued, we disagreed, we brought in outside sources to defend our positions, we worked hard on trying to find common agreements to build this marriage upon. These talks were vitally important to the start of our marriage. Our first year of marriage was actually enjoyable because we had already battled through so many of the usual disagreements. 

-pray together: When we started allowing our relationship to move from a friendship to a courtship, we ended nearly every night that we were together in prayer. We prayed for our friends, family, and for our relationship. Being able to pray with someone draws you closer to them and really changes your relationship.

-don't be afraid to change: So many people give the advice to "stay true to yourself" or "never change who you are" and other such phrases. They somehow think that if you change, you have become weak or something different than you were created to be. Newsflash....we all change! Everyday, we change a little of who we are. Everything we learn, everything we experience and everyone we connect with changes us just a little. Instead of being afraid that you will be changing and compromising who you are, look to see if you are really just changing into a better you. I know 100% that I am a better person because of the impact Jim has had on my life. Now, I agree that changing to became the polar opposite of who you were is NOT good, but someone who truly loves you will love you for who you are, who you are becoming and who you will be. They will bring out the best in you and help you become a better version of yourself.

Marriage is a strange thing. However, as a glance over at our family watching a video together near by, I can honestly say "I wouldn't change a thing." I love being married, I love our family, and I love the adventures I see in front of us. Marriage might be a strange thing, but it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me!

I pray that God is blessing your marriage and that you have the joy of growing closer to your spouse each and everyday. May God grant you wisdom as you share your love of marriage with your children.

What Do We Do Now!?!

In two recent posts we were talking about family management. I mentioned activity bags in one post as a way to keep little ones busy while you are trying to accomplish things, like dinner. Today's post will talk about activity bags and give you all the information you need to make about 20 different activity bags. It will probably take you a decent amount of planning and prep to get these bags made, but once they are made you will get years of fun out of them. Enjoy your extra time and watching your little ones make new discoveries!

"Activity bags" is just a name that I call them. I have also seen them called "quiet bags" or "car bags." And, they don't need to be bags at all. I have seen them made from cloth bags, large zip lock style bags, shoe boxes and baskets. Whatever you decide to call them or make them with, doesn't matter. The idea is to have a pre-planned activity so that when you need your little one to be busy, you don't have to think about what to do, you simply grab an activity bag and you are set.

I feel there are some important things to remember when planning your activity bags. First, make sure they are age appropriate. Most of the bags I will describe can be made more simple or more challenging with little effort. Second, it is important that the items in the bags are not items they play with all the time. These need to be "special" items that they only get to use when it is activity bag time. Next, remember to rotate your bags. I have found that most bags can only be used 2 or 3 times before they need to return to the box for awhile. If you keep them in a box or large container, you can put the one you just used in the back of the box, replace the one the child was using with the one in front of the box. This means your child will have 40 days or so before they use that activity bag again. Finally, if you find that your child has no interest in the activity bag at all. Replace it. Think of something you know will hold your child's attention and use that for the activity bag instead. I truly hope you have fun making these for your child and that your find great reward in having planned these out ahead of time.

Here are some ideas we or others have used in the past:

-cookie sheet with magnets: include a small metal tray and an assortment of refrigerator magnets. Any magnets will work. Using the letter or number magnets with word cards to copy could be fun for preschool age children.
-shaving cream: shaving cream is wonderful to use for a type of finger painting. Depending on the type of counter or table you have, it can also be a great way to clean your counter.
-laminated paper and washable markers: by taking a piece of strong paper and covering it with laminant or contact paper, you make a surface that can be drawn on with washable markers and then wiped clean over and over.
-play dough: the key with using play dough is to make sure it isn't tough and you put cool toys in the bag. I like food shaped cutters and kitchen tools so that the child can pretend they are helping with dinner. This also works great with clay, moon sand and other moldable items.
-coloring sheets: sometimes a bag of coloring sheets is all you need. There are many free websites where you can find fun coloring pages of your child's favorite items and characters. Homemade crayons are also a great addition to this bag. Take the extra crayon pieces you have and melt them down in muffin tins. They make fun multi-colored crayon disks.
-black paper and chalk: this bag should include different sizes and shapes of black paper, it also needs chalk of different colors. I like using large sidewalk chalk for the youngest children.
-plastic bottles shakers: saving plastic water, soda and juice bottles along with their lids can be a great way to complete this next activity bag. Once you have 5 or so bottles collected, fill them about 1/3 of the way full with different objects that make noise when shaken. (rice, dried beans, tiny bells, water & oil, beads, just about anything)
-homemade search bottle(s): this is similar to the previous bag, however this time you are looking to save a larger bottle. Find 10-15 small items that can fit inside of the bottle. Once the items are in the bottle, fill the bottle with rice, leaving about 1 inch of space at the top. Make a list of items that your child is looking for in the bottle. They will enjoy turning the bottle in all directions looking for the hidden objects.
-legos: fill this bag with legos of the appropriate size or other blocks that the child can stack or connect. Including papers with building ideas or instructions might be a fun addition.
-cars with paper or rug roads: this bag contains cars with a simple road that you made on a few pieces of paper, you could also use a road designed rug.
-paddle locks and keys: this is a super simple bag, but it takes a little bit of preparation. Ask your friends and family if they have any small locks with keys. You can also look at rummage sales or stores to purchase them. Put all the keys on a large ring, push all the locks closed and place the items in the bag. Your child will love the mystery.
-handwriting tracer sheets: there are many free web sites that allow you to print handwriting sheets. You can make practice sheets that have simple lines for little ones, sheets with letters or their name, and sheets will full sentences or Bible verses for the older ones.
-construction practice: this bag needs a thick piece of styrofoam, preferably a piece of foam insulation about 1 foot square; some golf tees and a plastic hammer. The styrofoam acts as the wood, the golf tees are the nails and the child uses the hammer to practice their nailing skills. You can remove the tees and start all over.
-preschool apps: using technology and downloading a few games that your children can only play during activity time, could work great for your family.
-string with beads: choose beads that are good for your child's age and string or yarn for them to work with. For younger children you might want to use pipe cleaners or chenille rods (beads don't fall off), and for older ones you can make pattern cards and challenge them to copy the patterns.
-secret eggs: take several plastic eggs and place a different object in each egg. Allow the children to shake and listen to the eggs and try to guess what is in each egg. You could include a sheet with clues to help them.
-watercolor painting: just paint, brushes and papers in this bag. We love watercolors because they are easy to clean up and pretty inexpensive. For more creativity you can paint coffee filters and then use them to make paper flowers once they dry.
-tangrams: these colorful, plastic shapes can be used to make almost any 2D object. There are pattern cards you can purchase or print. If you have never worked with tangrams, they are one of our favorites!
-puzzles: another easy bag. Put some age appropriate puzzles in a bag and let them go.

These are just a few ideas. Think about your children. What do they like to do? What keeps their interest? Be creative and develop bags of your own. Have fun and enjoy each stage of your young ones life.

Praying for you today! May God truly bless you as you strive to raise children that love Him and bring you great joy!