How Is Our Response?

When reading a parenting book by Dr. Becky Bailey a few years back, I came to the conclusion that she was trying to tell me: How I respond to a situation is actually more important than the situation itself. This was truly eye opening for me. Let me explain.

We all know that when dealing with nature our response will teach our children how they should react. When playing outside, we have the choice to say, "Kids come look at this cool caterpillar!" or "Yuck, look at the gross caterpillar!" Our reaction greatly influences our child's ability to enjoy and learn from the situation. Same thing when we find spiders, snakes and other creatures that might make us shutter. We are teaching our children by how we respond.

The same relationship between our response and their learning occurs when we react to a situation. When our child is "pushing our buttons," how we respond teaches our child how to respond when others our irritating them. I know we have all seen it, when a child speaks with another child and repeats the exact words we said to them the day before. Our responses are teaching more than we think.

Here is the tough part for me....balancing my responses. When my daughter comes down the stairs wearing less clothing than I feel is appropriate, my response is very important. I need to try and remember that she is growing older and would like to make her own decisions while balancing our family guidelines and knowing that the little ones are watching to see how easily boundaries are moved. One situation can make future similar situations easier or it can make each future situation more difficult.

I find that many times when my children are doing something they know will need correction, that they are looking for my response. Is today the day that I teach them the correct way to speak to others, the proper way to explain their needs and keep the established boundary lines held tight? Or, is today the day that I have lost all patience and I forget that my response is truly more important than the situation at hand. A few hours from now, my child is not even going to remember why we had a "fight," but she is going to remember the harsh words I spoke or the harmful tone that I used. She will remember and in a few days will use that same tone and maybe even some of the same words with her younger sibling when her patience is gone.....and the spiral of harsh words begins. It is really that easy.

In our home, and many of the Christian homes we interact with, there is a "rule" that children are to listen to their parents. I like this rule! However, this "rule" often gives parents the idea that when children don't listen they are challenging the parents authority. This is often not the case. The majority of the time a young child has simply not learned how to react properly to a situation. Let me encourage us all, as Christian parents, to start stepping back and look at our response and the situation. Have we really taken the time to teach our child what they should be doing in this circumstance? Or, are we just expecting them to KNOW how to "behave?" Are our children responding to the situation the same way we have in the past? Are we willing to take the time to teach them a better response to their circumstances?

Teaching our children takes a great deal of time, and I certainly get it wrong just as often as I get it right, but I know that it is important. I know that my response is really more important than the conflict and that every act of disobedience is a wonderful learning opportunity for us all. May God shower us with His wisdom and fill us with His words as we strive to raise children that will be a blessing to His Kingdom!