Proverbs Living

Many times when our lives are filled with busyness, I find myself with little time to sit quietly and read the scriptures. I know how vital reading the Word is to my daily life, so on those busy days I try to read a Proverb or two. A long time ago, I had a leader in my life show me that there is a Proverb written for each day of the month. So, since today is the 26th, I would read chapter 26 of Proverbs. It seems that no matter how many times I read Proverbs, there is always some new gem of wisdom that I find. Especially when raising so many little blessings.

The other day I was reading Proverbs 15. I was amazed at how many wonderful verses there were to help our children grow in the love and wisdom of Christ. It seemed to me that almost the whole chapter was devoted to how we want to discipline our children and how we want them to respond to our discipline. I read scriptures written hundreds or even thousands of years ago, and they fit the exact circumstance that we need in our home today......what an awesome God we serve.

Let's look at 15:1 for a moment: "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Wow, isn't that true. When we give or receive a harsh word the simple discussion we were having turns into a heated debate. Most likely an unnecessary heated debate. How different would our exchange have been if one or both of us could have maintained a soft answer? This is also seen is verse 18.

Now jump to 15:5, 15:10 and 15:32.  When we read these, we have verses that may help our children to understand the importance of listening to their parent's input. Many young people, especially teens feel the need to do the complete opposite of what their parent told them. These verses could help them see the foolishness in that. All teens need to work on becoming more independent and making their own choices, but that can be done while respectfully considering what their father or mother has said. Doing the complete opposite is a bit extreme. Helping teens to see they can make their own choice while still obeying their parents is a very important step in growing up.

Verses 2, 7 and 28 talk about holding our tongues and thinking before we speak. I know that is something we discuss all the time in our home. Just because you think it, doesn't mean it is wise for you to say it. Imagine how different our homes and lives would be if people chose to hold their tongues more often. I desire for our children to be like verse 7 and to spread knowledge not folly. An acronym I am sure you have heard of is THINK. Is what you are saying: T- true; H- helpful; I- important; N- necessary; and K- kind? I try to have our children say yes to at least 4 of the letters before they start spewing crazy details. Please, don't misunderstand me, this doesn't apply to every little thing the children are going to tell me; I love hearing about their day or an idea they have, but this is helpful when they are explaining an argument or are about to tattle or when they are just being mean to one of their siblings.

As you can see, reading a Proverb a day can be a great resource when raising your family. Let me encourage you to revisit the Proverbs if it has been awhile since you have read them. You never know what gem you will find to help you and your children live this blessed life you have been given.

End Of Detour

I had an opportunity recently to attend a women's/mom's mini retreat while our children were attending a local Vacation Bible School. It was very nice to spend five mornings with moms just sharing, encouraging and learning more about Christ. I made some new friends and connected with some old ones. There were many tasks that could have been completed at home in the time I spent at this retreat, but it was really great for my heart to rest with these ladies.

One day between speakers we were chatting at our table. A friend next to me was explaining how the road leading from her home to her work was now under construction and there was now a detour attempting to direct her on a new route. She continued to explain how her trip went the very first time she took the detour. I still remember the laughter in her voice as she detailed for us the way she entered the detour's first turn just to be greeted by a sign that read "End of Detour." "What?" she said, "how can this be the end of the detour? I just started and I am no where near where I want to be going!" It was quite comical, our whole table got a good laugh from the story.

How many times has God placed us on a journey where the detour ended, and we were no where near where we thought we were going? How many times have I thought this journey was just beginning, and there in front of me was an "End of Detour" sign? Honestly, I think this has happened hundreds of times during my life.

Here are some of the "end of detour" signs that have jumped into my path just when I thought a new journey was beginning, not ending. Let's start when Jim and I got married, I was sure we were at the beginning of a wonderful time and soon we would have some wonderful little ones to help make our family complete......God certainly had different plans and those six years waiting for children seemed like an extremely long time to wait at a detour. Or, what about the time we moved to a new state to start working in a new ministry just to have the leadership change and our help be no longer needed.....really, why did we move all this way just to be unemployed and only weeks from living on the streets? My heart still aches for the time when we excitedly told our family and friends we were expecting another blessing, just to be faced with a miscarriage days later. I for one can say that I don't always appreciate these "end of detour" signs.

 Here is the tough part for me: when I reach a detour I am frustrated that I can't go the way I want to, and when I look down the path I want to take and see no reason for the detour it frustrates me even more. My very thoughts are, "Clearly there is really nothing wrong with this road, this detour is just a waste of my time!" Guess what happens when I refuse to take the detour and continue past the road closed sign. I find the road really is closed, and now I am stuck with little or no room to turn around, and I end up on the exact detour I was trying to avoid. Seriously, what was I thinking? Do I really think that I know better then the designer of this plan? Well, yes, sometimes I think I do. It is completely foolish, I know! But this sinful being wants what she wants and is not fond of detours. (Wow, now I sound like my five year old) However, when I truly look at these situations and the many more I didn't list, I can see the loving hand of God leading and directing our family.

I LOVE our journey, I love where God has taken us and the sometimes painful lessons He has taught us. It really is amazing to me. He clearly knows what we need before we even know we need it. God knew our marriage wasn't ready for children and we had many steps to complete before we were really ready to grow our family. He knew He was going to bless us beyond measure with seven children, I just needed to be patient. God also knew that another ministry down the road is where we needed to be. He used the first ministry to put us in the right spot, but I truly believe the entire reason we moved was for the second ministry and ultimately, for our current ministry. He knew the skills we would need to obtain and the trials we would need to grow through. 

I clearly don't know more than the designer of this path! Even though my life seems to be filled with too many "end of detour" signs, I know that God is in control. I may not be anywhere near where I thought I was going, that doesn't matter to me, just as long as I am exactly where God wants me to be.

I pray that no matter where you are in your journey, whether it is driving smoothly down the road, covering some rough terrain or stopped at a detour, that you are exactly where God wants you to be. If you are unsure, let me encourage you to take time to pray and read the Bible. I am positive that God has some great plans for you and your family!

It Starts With Me

"It starts with me." I hate those words, and I really dislike the word hate. But, I really hate those words. There are days like today that I need to embrace those words and pray for a brighter tomorrow.

Today was one of those days. A day that was filled with too much whining, too much tattling, too many toys on the floor, too much laundry in the basket, too many commitments on the calendar and too little food left from the last trip to the grocery store to make a good dinner. Today was one of those days when the frustrations of the day built upon each other and compounded until this mommy explodes and everyone gets yelled at whether they needed it or not. 

I know that if I want my children to use kind words, I need to model that behavior and use my kind words. I know that if I want our children to control their temper, then I need to control mine. I know, really. I have read more parenting books than the average person, I have more children than the average person, I have worked with more children than the average person.....I know. I truly know what is expected of me and what I SHOULD be doing. I know, it starts with me. So, why is it so hard to do what I know?

It starts with me. It starts with me in the Word. It starts with me allowing myself to be filled by Him. I need to allow my heart to be changed and my life transformed to become more like Christ, so that when I am dealing with our children He shines through to them. I want my children to see much less of my sinful being and much more of Christ and the love and grace He has to offer them. 

Today was a personal failure. Today my children saw the worst side of their mom. But, today is also a day when I can model repentance and ask forgiveness for my poor behavior. Today is a day when my children see that I am not perfect, and I don't expect them to be either. Although I may have failed today, I need to allow Jesus to turn this day around and show these precious blessings that He has given me, that they are loved. Even when I am mad or frustrated, I love them and He loves them. 

Tomorrow is a new day, and I pray that it starts with me sharing the love, joy and peace of Christ with every word I say! 

Driving The Bus, Or Along For The Ride?

I was listening to a speaker recently who stated that "church is not like riding on a bus. You are not meant to sit back passively while one person does all the work." Of course I loved this, and think that it is so true. However, I think this is true of a family as well. Too many times I meet with a mom and she feels like she is driving the bus while everyone else is just riding along, she feels like she is doing everything on her own. I often think that this is because our society seems to be pushing a "super mom" complex. 

I am not sure where this super mom complex came from, but it sure is prevalent and comes in many different forms. From talking with friends and other moms I meet, you are not doing an adequate job at being a mom unless you:

-grow your own produce (preferably organic)

-make your own bread and baked goods from scratch (preferably from grain you ground yourself)

-have all your children potty trained by the age of two and a half (using proper scientific terms of course)

-have children can read chapter books by age six

-have children are taking A.P. Courses by their sophomore year and at least four by their senior year
-have children who play an instrument and speak a foreign language fluently

The list is long, and I am sure you have your own criteria that has been thrown at you by the "super" mom arena. I encourage you to walk away from the super mom agenda and pray that God is leading you in a way that is best for you and your family. Who really cares what everyone else is doing? If God wanted all families to be the same, He would have made everyone with the same mom. I heard once, that when humans make ice they make a bunch of identical cubes, but when God makes ice He makes intricate snowflakes that are beautiful, varied and unique. The same goes for your family!

I must admit, that I can get caught up in this race for mom perfection at times also. It hits me when our schedule becomes too full and our family is eating strange meals in the car instead of homemade meals at home. I look at myself and think, "if I was more organized I would be able to juggle all of these needs and still make a great homemade meal. But I failed, and now we are eating thrown together cheese quesidillas from the toaster oven." I look at our children and think, "they deserve better." I have successfully fallen into the super mom trap.

What I have found, is that when I feel like I am driving the bus and everyone else is just along for the ride, it might actually be my fault. The majority of the time I have managed to put on my "super mom" cape and have taken too much on myself. I have found that it is essential for me to involve my family, so they don't feel like they are just along for the ride and I don't burn out. I have found that our children are really great at helping when our schedule looks like it is going to explode. They enjoy feeling needed and love the positive reinforcement that comes from accomplishing an important task.

When things seem to be getting too busy for me, I have found that making a very detailed list is extremely helpful for our family. I make the list very detailed and filled with necessary activities that only take 5 or 10 minutes to complete. If it takes longer than that, I divide it into two tasks. When I am positive the list is complete I count up the tasks needing attention. I then divide the list by the number of people able to help. For example, if there are 17 things on the list and 6 people are helping, the youngest child picks 2 tasks and everyone else picks 3 tasks. Then you get moving.
Now because the list is made up of things that can be completed in 10 minutes, we are getting 17 things done in 30 minutes or less. (there is always a treat or small prize waiting for those who finish by the 30 minute deadline) I am amazed at what we can accomplish!

You may have noticed that I said the children "pick" their tasks. This is an essential step! When I allow the children to choose the things from the list they are going to help with, they are a great deal more willing to help. I always choose last. To be completely honest, these 17 things on the list are all things I could do, and the children are helping me a great deal, so I am happy to take the left over chores that no one else wants. I love any little thing that helps my children become willing to help!

Spending a few minutes getting my detailed list ready, usually gives me hours to spend with my family or accomplishing whatever our overloaded schedule is asking for. Although I may have started the day feeling like I was driving the bus and everyone else was just along for the ride, I have ended the day remembering that we are a family that loves and supports one another and that there is no need for a "super mom" cape today.

May God bless your day as you try to juggle the many tasks your schedule is throwing at you! I pray that you will enjoy having your whole family help you and not feel like you are "driving the bus."

That's A Keeper!

We did a great deal of fishing on our recent vacation. It was wonderful! Many of the children really got into fishing and have found a new hobby. We were able to keep many of the fish the children caught. However, there was a limit on some of the lakes we were at and so some of the fish needed to be put back into the lake. The children learned the term, "that's a keeper."

That's a keeper is a cute phrase when fishing, but not when dealing with our little ones. We have one child, in particular, that is continually questioning their worth. It seems to me that they are asking themselves if they are a keeper. To be completely honest with you, I am running out of ideas for how to help them see the truth. They are a precious child of God. They are valuable because God made them that way! We tell them this all the time, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in.

I have seen the destruction that girls and boys do to themselves when they don't think they are valuable. My classrooms and youth groups have always had a few children that are so broken they see themselves as worthless. It is so sad! 

Here is my fear.... if we can not get all of our children to understand that they are a precious gift from God, I know that we will be in for a very long journey. I have seen these feelings of unworthiness lead to addictions with drugs, alcohol, gambling and/or sexual intimacy. These are not roads I want our children to experience. I know that God has a better plan for their lives. It is imperative that we help our children to see that they are valuable, precious and loved.   

I wonder if our society hasn't hurt our children with all of their emphasis on self-esteem. What do our children learn when they play games where no one ever wins? What are they learning when everyone is rewarded the same no matter how hard some try? Sure it is hard to see your child upset when they loose or don't get picked for a certain team, but those are situations we can learn from. These are situations where are children get to learn more about themselves. 

When I was younger, I learned that I could NOT play softball. It wasn't fun knowing that I wasn't good at something, but it encouraged me to try something else and find something I am good at, truly good at. I discovered a real talent that many others didn't have. This real talent helped me see God's plan for my life and gave me hope for my future. 

A recent example from our family comes from our second child. She seems to constantly be comparing herself to her older sister. Her older sister is always better at everything, or so she tells me. I literally spent five minutes talking to her the other day and listing all the things that she could do better than her sister. She hadn't thought of any of them. You know why?  Because they aren't things her sister does. She was comparing herself directly to her sister. It took someone from the outside to show her the unique gifts she has. Her sister doesn't play an instrument, isn't nearly as patient as she is and plays a completely different sport. Most outsiders wouldn't even think of comparing the two because they are too different. It's like apples and oranges.

One of my goals is to find the one thing that each one of our children excels at and then invest in that child in their gifted area. While providing opportunities for the child to grow and develop, we are praying that God will guide us in a way that will help our children prepare for what He has in store for them. My child may be the most amazing artist in the world, but our desire is that she would use this gift to bring glory and honor to Christ. After all, He is the one that gave her the gift. My hope and prayer is that when our children see how God has blessed them and given them the ability to bless other, they will always know that they are worth keeping.

I believe we all have a strong desire to know that we are "a keeper."  But, I also believe that if we try to find our value or worth outside of Christ and His desires for our life, we will always be searching for something or someone else to make us feel important. No matter who you are or who your children are, God made you precious, valuable and worthy! He has great plans for your life and the lives of your children. Don't let anything or anyone tell you any differently!

Frivolous Prayers

I went to a Christian University, I took the theology courses, have a Christian education degree and have been to many conferences and studies. I KNOW that prayer is all about aligning our hearts with God, and not bending His will to ours. However, I also know that God is my Heavenly Father and He cares about our needs and even many of our wants. He knows the hairs on our heads and when we seek Him, He will give us the desires of our heart.

I have had many people with advanced degrees and more blog followers than I, tell me that prayer is about changing our hearts and advancing the Kingdom, not about my personal little needs. We should be using our prayer time to focus on the least, the needy and the oppressed. I don't disagree, I do pray for these things also.  I do not presume to know more than these scholars, I can just tell you what I have experienced in my life. I know that God hears my prayers and somehow He even hears what those more educated than I, would call frivolous prayers.

Our family does not have the resources to take many vacations or elaborate trips. However, God always provides in amazing ways and it is important to us as a family to spend special times together whenever possible.  A short time ago our family was blessed with the opportunity to take a week and head to the north woods. We were given a cabin on the lake for a week of outdoor fun. Everyone had been looking forward to it for months.

As the time came to pack and prepare I began watching the weather forecasts for the time and place we were heading. I kid you not, every time I checked, the websites said it would rain everyday of our vacation. I was becoming discouraged. We all packed plenty of clothes to last us these cold rainy days. I began to pray daily for our trip. I prayed for safe travel, great bonding time and for no rain to fall between the hours of ten in the morning and six in the evening. I knew it was a long shot, but I figured I would ask. 

Each day on our trip when we awoke the weather man said it was going to rain sometime during the day. One day they were even calling for severe weather in the afternoon. You may choose not to believe me, but I am telling you that it never rained between the hours of ten and six. It was completely amazing. My uncle, whose cabin we were using, even laughed at me when I told him it wouldn't rain between ten and six. He looked at the sky, shrugged his shoulders and chuckled. But, I was right, it didn't rain until much later. It rained almost every day of our trip, sometimes in the early morning and sometimes in the late evening, but never when we were out having fun.

I know what the skeptics are going to say, but I firmly believe that God provided for our family. We had an amazing time kayaking, swimming, boating and fishing. The mosquitos were heavy, but most days there was a nice breeze that helped to reduce their population in our area.  Each of our seven children got to have special adventures and we made many memories as a family. I seriously could not have asked for a better vacation. I am so thankful to God for His loving hand in our lives. I can almost not believe it myself. What an incredible blessing He gave us!

Our children pray frivolous prayers all the time, I do not discourage them. For example, at our previous home there was a store that would box their donuts and discount them in the evenings. One time I was at the store with one of our youngsters, as we are walking in she asked if we could get donuts. Now it wasn't on my list and we certainly didn't need them, but I told her if they were boxed and discounted that we could get some. The bakery was almost the first thing in the store. We approached the counter and saw that the donuts had not yet been boxed. She was very disappointed. So I told her we would get all the items on our list and then swing by the bakery section one more time before checking out. She was very pessimistic. I suggested that she pray about it. She did. Guess what, when we swung by the second time, there were donuts. It is an extremely simple pray, but it sure helped her faith. 

Frivolous prayers can also be a great way to show that God has something better planned for them. But, you need to remember the prayer so that several days later when a different answer comes you can point out how God worked the situation for their good. For example, one child of ours prayed for a specific coach and she did not get that coach. However, it is clear now that this coach she has is exactly what she needed. She has excelled in just a few weeks. Be sure to point these things out and take the time to talk about how God is working in her life, or she may never see it. 

Let me encourage you to pray even the prayers that seem frivolous. If it is not a completely selfish ambition and God can be glorified in the situation, I truly believe that He hears us and cares about us enough to answer. Never underestimate the power of a sincere, heartfelt prayer!

After writing this, I was reminded that it did rain on Sunday between ten and six. However, we had gone to an early dinner with Grammy and Grampy. We were inside a restaurant having a great time with our family. We were about an hour from the cabin, I don't know if it was raining there or not. My guess is that it wasn't. :-) 

Taking Life for Granted

Today our guest pastor told us of his oldest granddaughter that was born not breathing, no pulse. She was only expected to live a year and now is 14 years old. She has many challenges that she faces everyday and communicates mostly by blinking her eyes....twice for "yes" and once for "no." I began to cry right in the middle of his sermon.

You see, we have a daughter that was born not breathing, no pulse. Eight and a half years ago, our daughter Halie was born. I remember it like it was yesterday. We had gone in for a test, they didn't like what they saw and we needed to induce labor. After what seemed to be a normal labor she was born. Then it happened......the midwife's face changed expressions, the nurse moved very quickly, buttons were pushed, alarms were sounded, the room filled with professions and I laid in my bed and watched as our newborn daughter was poked, prodded and air was artificially pumped into her body.

The midwife came over to explain that our daughter had been born not breathing and with no pulse. She regained a pulse within the first minute, but she still wasn't breathing on her own. The midwife continued to move back and forth between me and our newborn. It was over 10 minutes. I only know this because as the professions are performing CPR, they yell out the time. Those were the longest 10 minutes of my life.

My husband and I spent those ten minutes praying. Praying together, praying individually, just praying. Praying that no matter what, God would be glorified. After all, He created Halie, she was really not our child, but His. After 10 minutes, she did start breathing on her own and then was taken to the NICU for tests and attention.

Until today's sermon, I never realized how different our lives could be. You see our Halie shows no signs of those first minutes of her life. She has no special needs, she is a happy and healthy eight year old. We have been blessed with a perfect little girl and I have taken that for granted. I have forgotten the true miracle she really is. The miracle that each and everyone of our children are.

You may not have had a traumatic birth experience or extreme situation with your child, but I know you know someone who has. You have heard their stories and have maybe even held their hand as they walked through it. Let me encourage you to hug your precious little one a bit closer today. Let me also encourage you to try and cherish each day that we have together. Let us not take the lives we have been given for granted.

Tonight as I get ready to head to bed and close my day with prayer, I remember the pastor and his family, and any family that I know that is living with a child that has been diagnosed with special needs. May we all truly realize how precious and amazing their lives are!