Recently I was part of a discussion with a group of younger single women, the prominent question was, "How do you know who you should marry?" This seems to be a hot topic for those in their late teens and 20's. I have found that it is also very controversial. The ladies I was talking with had very different opinions on how they should find a man to marry. You might be thinking you don't have any daughters or that they are still too young to talk about marriage, let me encourage you to keep reading as it is never too early to be talking about a Godly marriage and your sons need to know this information just as much as your daughters. Here is a glimpse into our conversation:
"I keep being told that I need to be patient and God will make it clear to me. Really? How is He going to make it clear and how is being patient going to help? Don't I need to be actively seeking?"
"Why do so many people talk about purity in dating? Isn't intimacy an important part of marriage? How are you going to know if you are compatible with someone if you don't have sex before you are married?"
"Where am I suppose to meet this person? Am I only suppose to go to church? What about parties and bars? Or am I just suppose to sit at home and wait?"
The questions or more frustrated statements went on and on. I listened to many of the responses and felt extremely glad that I was no longer in this situation. But, then I thought of my daughters and I found myself empathizing with them. I shared some of my thoughts.
It seems to me that many of us have forgotten that we are a people "set apart" from this world and chosen by God to walk with Him daily. Scripture tells us to "wait on the Lord," and that God always has our best interests at heart and that He sees a much bigger picture than we do. You may not like my responses, but I believe they are Biblical and thoughts God wants you to remember.
Why is God calling you to be patient? There could be many reasons: maybe you need to develop a closer walk with Christ; maybe your chosen spouse needs to finish part of their journey; maybe one of you is about to go through a trial and if you met now you would not see that you were meant to be together; maybe this....maybe that....there are hundreds of reasons why God is asking you to wait. When we read scripture we see that God is faithful and just, that He fulfills are heart's desire and that He will do things that draw us closer to Him. God's timing is not our own, but His timing is always best. If we are truly trusting God, than we need to truly trust Him in this area of our life as well. Completely trust Him, because He may be calling you to a life of singleness. We need to learn to be content in every circumstance, because there is a chance you may never get married and you need to know that no matter what, God's best plan for your life is far better than anything you can manipulate on your own.
As for intimacy, the Bible is clear, stay pure. Seek Christ and purity in all situations. The Word warns against stirring up desires that can not be righteously fulfilled. It is clear that sex and intimacy are meant for marriage. Your sexual desires are a wonderful part of God's plan. The desires are there to strengthen your marriage, to build a bond between you and your spouse. The Bible says, "and the two shall become one flesh." This is literally what happens during intercourse, the two become one.....one physically, one emotionally, not two but one. If you are choosing to allow yourself to be intimate with other people besides your spouse, you are becoming one with them. Let me have you think of a situation: take for example two wooden toys, now use some strong glue and glue the toys side by side, wait for the glue to dry and a bond to be formed, now pull the two toys about. What happens is that the toys actually break. Parts of wood that were once on one piece are now permanently adhered to the other piece and vice versa. They will never be the same! This is exactly what happens when you choose to be intimate outside of marriage. Pieces of you will be left behind and you will never be the same again! (please understand that God's grace is there for you if you have already made mistakes and you desire to repent, but it is God's best plan for you to stay pure when waiting for marriage)
These comments were understood, but there is still the looming question of "how do you know?" This one is hard to explain, because you just know. As you spend time in the Word and draw closer to God and walk daily with Christ, you develop a strong relationship with Him. You begin to think a little more like Him, you begin to want a little more time with Him and you want the same things that He wants. God uses this time that you are devoting to Him to help lead and guide you through His Word. When you look at this potential spouse and study God's Word, do they fit together? Are they a person of integrity? Are they a person that challenges and inspires you to grow closer to Christ? Are they a person that puts Christ first, you second and themselves last? Are they the type of person that gives you the desire to put their needs in front of your own? There is not a magic formula. If you want to know what God is trying to tell you, then you need to spend time with Him and listen for the answer.
I love my husband and the over twenty years we have been together have been a wonderful blessing! However, if I was not walking with God and seeking His will, I never would have married him. He was not what I was looking for. He was not the type of man I thought I needed. He would not have been my first choice. Praise God that His ways are higher than mine and that He knows what I need more than I do. I am certain that I would be divorced and/or miserable if I would have made my own choice. It is not always easy waiting on the Lord, but it is always best!
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