We Can Do All Things

At least once a week someone will say to me, "I don't know how you can do it." It seems that having seven children ages 13 and under, is more than most people can imagine. When we add homeschooling and volunteer projects to our days, most people seem to decide they would not be able to survive our everyday schedule.

When the conversation includes "I don't know how you can do it," I typically respond with something like...."it is quite an adventure" or "some days are easier than others" or "it really isn't that bad." These are all true statements, but I was not happy with the impressions I was leaving with people. It is true that many days I am exhausted and that many days fill me with great joy, but each and everyday seems to bring unique challenges of it's own.

My husband and I were at a family event recently, and it seemed that every conversation included the phrase, "I don't know how you can do it." By the time the event was over, I had decided that I needed to develop a new strategy to respond to that statement. Philippians 4:13 came to mind...."I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" and 2 Timothy 1:7..."God does not give us a Spirit to make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."

I believe many times people look at me and think...."oh, that poor girl, she is caring for 7 children; how awful that must be." I pray that I never give that impression! I may be tired sometimes, my house may not be "show" ready, but I am so blessed to have this opportunity. I truly love our family and I love all 7 of the kiddos that God has placed in our home. It is simply amazing to me to see how God works through each one of them.

I admit, there are days, like today, when I just want to crash on the couch for an hour and take a nap; (there is nothing wrong with naps) but God has a higher calling for my days right now. He has given me the awesome opportunity to impact the lives of 8 amazing people. He has blessed me with the chance to help little ones see His numerous blessings, His unending love and His marvelous plan for our lives. The time I have with them as children is so short compared with the amount of time they will be adults and on their own.

Let me encourage you to claim Philippians 4:13 and remember on your most stressful days that you can do all things with Christ's strength. I hope you will join me as I try to remember that God has given me a Spirit of power, love and self-discipline. Let's all choose to rejoice in the little things, not sweat the minor things and allow the major victories and Christ's love to refresh us each and everyday!

Doing What You're Doing

The fall weather is amazing where we live and fall is my favorite season. We love to do outside activities in the fall....bike rides, pick pumpkins and apples, campfires, jumping in leaves and so much more.

We recently transitioned from carrying the youngest two kiddos in a pull behind trailer to having one in the trailer and one sit on a tag along bike behind my husband. It is an exciting transition and a great addition to our bike rides.

 Our last bike ride has given me pause for thought. As our family is going up and down the hills in our community, my husband would yell back to our son when he should stop peddling or start peddling. At one point along the trip the little man yells back, "I'm just doing what you're doing daddy!" He continued to yell out along the trip, "I'm peddling like you now" or "I'm waiting just like you."

What great phrases! How humbling to know that our children are watching our steps and trying to copy what we do. This can be great when they copy the positive things we do. I love when I see our children  helping, praying, singing, or sharing like we have modeled. However, it can be extremely eye opening when they copy the negative things we do. When they say phrases or words maybe we shouldn't say or act in a way we would of hoped they wouldn't. These times can be embarrassing for us and confusing for our children who may not know why we are angry at them for doing exactly what we have done.

Many years ago when I was teaching at a neighborhood Christian school a young girl said a swear word. The other children in line were shocked and told me about the offense right away. The girl had very strong feelings and was convinced she had said nothing wrong. "My dad says that word all the time, it is not a swear." I had the young girl whisper the word in my ear and indeed it was a swear word. I explained that she didn't know what she was saying and that she wouldn't say it anymore, and we went on with class. I still remember the hurt look on her face, she was crushed, confused, humbled and sad.

Let me encourage you today to take a look at your child's behaviors. Are they simply doing what you are doing? As parents, we are our child's first and most influential teacher. I pray that we all make decisions and give examples that are worthy of Christ's high calling on our lives. May we act in ways that bring God the glory when our little ones (or not so little ones) copy what we are doing.

Doesn't He Already Know?

I was having a discussion about prayer with a new friend recently. They are finding their prayer time to be very challenging and are having troubles knowing what to say. After talking for a bit, I discovered that their struggle comes from feeling silly for telling God things He already knows. "Doesn't He already know what I am going to say? Why should I have a conversation when I have nothing new to say?"

Hmmm. I had to think about that for a moment. I told them that prayer was important for our faith development and that it will get easier the more you do it. True statements, but they really didn't satisfy me. Why do I tell God stuff? Doesn't He already know? I continued to think about these questions for some time.

Then, it hit me. We were sitting at the table for dinner and sharing the details of our day with the other members of our family. It is so nice to share this time together, when we encourage and support one another through different steps of our day. As I was listening to each person's turn and asking questions so we would have more details, I realized that I already knew each thing that was being said. I was enjoying the conversation and loving the time we were spending together even though they were not sharing any new information with me.

I realized that I don't ask my children what happened in their day because I don't know, I ask them what has happened because I want to help them grow and I want to spend time with them. It is the same with God. He knows exactly what has happened in your day, but He is interested in your growth and spending time with you. He is filled with joy when you set aside time and put Him first in your life.

Let me encourage you to spend time talking with God like you would want your children to talk with you. I would also like to encourage you to spend time talking as a family each night if you don't already. These are precious moments that go by so quickly, please take the time to cherish each and everyday....I know that God cherishes each and every time you stop to talk to Him, even though He already knows!

Can We Protect Our Kids?

There are many things I try or wish I could protect my children from. We are very cautious about many things they watch or hear. We keep a close eye on friendships they are making and places they go. Our desire is to help our children grow up having spent each day glorifying God and understanding how much we and God love them. But, we can not protect them from everything.

One thing I am hypersensitive about, is child abuse. Our family talks about appropriate touching, appropriate behaviors and watching out for each other, probably once every other week in some way. I want to be sure that all of our children know that they have the right to protect their body and that they should never fear telling someone if they feel someone else is not listening to the boundaries established.

As a former teacher and youth leader, I have seen and heard of way too many situations where children have been abused. This danger very seldom comes from a stranger or scary looking person as most people teach their children. People who are kind, who know how to make kids like them and who can even be part of their family, those are the ones who do most of the abusing. Neighbors, uncles, step-fathers, coaches, counselors and fathers or brothers of friends are more likely to be a danger to your children than the strange looking man at the park. When abuse comes from people you trust and have a relationship with, it is much harder to report, stop and feel comfortable telling someone.

My goal is not to scare our children, but to help them be aware of the situations they put themselves in. I am aware of girls who were abused: when a dad drove them home after they babysat his children; by brother's of friends at a sleepover; by relatives; by neighbors; even by their own friends. In each situation that I am aware of, the abuse continued several times and were not just one time events. I am so concerned that victims don't understand that they truly are victims and they need to get help. They are so often threatened and bullied into the abusive situation that they are not able to think clearly how to get the abuse to stop. All children need to know abuse is wrong and telling is right!

I was abused as a child by a family member and it divided the family when I testified against him in court. Many in the family believed me, while many in the family thought I made the whole series of events up. The family was essentially destroyed when the courts decided that he should serve several years in prison for his actions. This is a very common reaction and many children do not tell because they do not want to destroy their family....the abuser has made it clear that if the victim tells, the family will fall apart, and it will be the victims fault.

You may be wondering why I have felt the need to spend my day writing what seems to be a post much different than my norm. Well, a few nights ago my husband and I were watching a news program that was detailing a very disturbing situation of years of abuse to possibly hundreds of women and young girls, all under the disguise of bringing honor to God. I have seriously had trouble sleeping each night since and can't help but want to run to their side and help them see the truth. Running to their side is not a possibility at this time, but encouraging you to help your children avoid an abusive situation is something I can do.

Let me encourage you to think about my words carefully and decide how you might best speak to your children about abuse. You know your children and how best to communicate with them. In our family we use words like "private areas," "parts of our body that would be covered by a swimsuit," "intimacy that is meant for marriage," and "we don't keep secrets from each other." It breaks my heart to know that children are abused each and everyday. I pray that we would all have the courage to talk to our children, the insight to keep them from harmful situations and the wisdom to know when they are experiencing pain. And, may God please provide a way out of the abusive situation any child might find themselves in. Let's stop abuse, one child at a time!

Window of Frustration

It has occurred to me that I have a window of frustration. A time each day when my patience is thin, my energy low and my stress too high. This window seems to occur each day from about 4pm until 6pm.

This is the time of day when children are calling for help with their homework; when dinner is needing tending and preparing; when young ones that are too old for a nap show signs of needing a nap; when chores need to be completed; when youngsters need to be transported to or from events; and when everyone is anxiously awaiting the arrival of their father after his day at work. This is the time of day when I can turn from the helpful, understanding parent I desire to be.....and become a short tempered, demanding parent. Not a good time for anyone.

I am not happy with my window of frustration! It certainly isn't my child's fault that everything seems to happen at once. So, I have been trying to think of some proactive ideas to help us all make it through this time frame without any casualties. Here are some ideas we are trying, I would love to hear any ideas you have.....
     -have an activity area ready (play dough, drawing supplies, rice table, water colors)
     -have an outside activity ready (sidewalk chalk, bubbles, water table, sandbox)
     -have a homework table cleared and supplied with pencils, erasers and pencil sharpeners
     -ask an older child to help out at the homework table
     -allow children to help with dinner prep (making sure the kitchen is ready for extra hands, before the  
       4pm window starts)
     -utilize any down times during nap or throughout the day to help conquer tasks that can be
      completed before this window opens
     -encourage young readers to read to the dog or baby now and I will listen to them read at bedtime
     -limit the number of friends and extra activities during this window
     -pray about this time of day an my attitude

It certainly is not a perfect plan and there are days when the "mean mom" still shows her ugly face, but those days are becoming fewer and fewer. I know that I don't need to be a perfect mom, and I will always have struggles. However, my prayer is for our home to be a loving, joyfilled environment and a daily window of frustration does not fit into that description. I also desire to help my children see that they can work through even their toughest challenges, I certainly cannot teach them something I cannot do myself.

Let me encourage you to look at your day. Is there a window of frustration in your home? Maybe yours is in the morning getting ready for school, or at night when everyone is needing to get in bed, or a different time when your family is very busy. Please take a look at your day and how you might make that window of frustration a bit more positive and a better experience for everyone. It won't be easy, but you and your family are sure to be blessed. May God's love, joy and peace fill your days! 

How We Remember

Today is September 11th. In the United States, this is a day when we remember a great tragedy that hit our country. Nearly 3,000 people died on this day in 2001. I remember the events well, where I was, what I was doing and who I was with.

Although we only had one child at the time of this horrible event, we feel it is very important for our children to know what happened and remember this day. Children of different ages know different things about the days events, with the older children having actually watched the news coverage from the day and seen the events unfold before their eyes. However, we don't need our children to relive the events each year, no need to dwell on the negative.

We choose to remember this day in a more positive way. We choose to remember that everyday police, firefighters and emergency workers put their lives in danger to keep us safe. Although the emergency personnel in our area might never have been in New York, they are brave and making sacrifices just the same. So, each 9-11 our family makes cards and bakes treats for the emergency workers in our community. It is nothing fancy, just some heartfelt creations from a family and their children.

Each year after we make the treats we personally deliver them to our local centers. In our current community we have one fire house and one police station, so we have also started taking treats to our emergency room workers. (Other communities that we have lived in have had several fire houses and so we just took treats to all of the houses and did not include the police or hospital workers, whatever works best for our family and for our town.) With each delivery we say "Thank You" and wish them a great day. Sometimes we take a tour, sometimes we just move on to the next delivery.

Although this is a really simple thing to do with the children, it is something they look forward to and talk about for weeks. I let them decide what types of cakes, how they should be decorated and which one goes where. It is truly a fun day that helps us remember those that serve our community all year round.

Let me encourage you to think of ways that you can help your children understand the importance of remembering those that sacrifice for us each and everyday. May God truly bless your family and may His arms completely engulf those who lost someone on this day in 2001. 

They Aren't Going To Change Me

The phrase "they aren't going to change me," actually makes me sad. It makes me sad because we have decided before a situation even begins that we are not going to fully engage in the circumstances. If we are truly committed, 100% to a situation, we can't help but be changed. The people in our life our meant to encourage, mold, teach, lead and inspire us. How can we not be changed?

I hear this phrase most often from parents expecting their first child or parents with young children. They have decided that they are happy with their lives and they are not going to allow some kid to change the things they like and how they act. Now I know, that many are just inexperienced and once they begin parenting they will see how foolish this concept is. However, they are still many that work extremely hard to make sure that their favorite type of lifestyle does not change. But why?

I can not even imagine not allowing my children to change me. They have made me a better person in so many ways. I am extremely thankful for all the lessons they teach me every week. As we grow together, they have taught me to be more patient.....doing things on their own is very important and can sometimes take ten times longer than if mom does it for them; they have taught me sacrifice.....my heart longs to see the needs of my child met before my own; they have taught me humility......nothing humbles me faster than hearing a negative phrase that I routinely say, come from my little ones own mouth;  they have taught me that I am stronger than I thought.....they have given me many opportunities to push myself beyond what I thought was possible and accomplish greater things. I am a much happier, much healthier, much more productive and much better person because I have allowed my children to change me. It is something I will never regret.

I am not suggesting that you shouldn't have a "girls night out," or that you shouldn't still play in the softball league on Tuesday nights. However, I am suggesting that you look at your week and see on average how much time you spend with your child and how much time they spend away from you.  God has truly only given them to you for a short time. And the amount of time you have with them before they begin to ask for time on their own is even shorter....just a few short years to devote to those little ones and establish great habits.

I will admit, I am clearly more involved in my children's lives today then I was when we only had one child. With each precious blessing came a more deliberate effort by my husband and I to dedicate time to our children. We have always felt that it is extremely important for our children to learn a love for family. That love starts with us and the choices we make. We choose to let our amazing children (amazing because of what God is doing in their lives) change us.

Let me encourage you to take a look at whether or not your children are changing you, and how you might devote yourself to their development more each day. They will be gone before you know it.

Everyday Wonder

As the school year begins and summer ends we often find ourselves falling into a weekly routine. I love routines and knowing what will happen next, but sometimes we can let the routine get the best of us.

I was reading some quotes by Abraham Joshua Heschel, a Jewish leader of the 20th century. It seems to me that he had great insight. One of the ideas he emphasized was embracing the wonder of every day. He believed that we should wake each day to see the wonder of God and the amazing things He has planned for us. He spoke about seeing the marvel in the little things around us, in the day to day routine activities.

I love this notion. I love putting the world aside and taking a moment to thank God for the amazing sunrise He has provided. I love gazing into my toddler's eyes and remember the miracle of His creation. I love that making lunch for my family can be a time of wonder, memory making and praise. I love that doing wash can remind me of how Jesus washes me clean and gives me a fresh start each and every time I ask. I especially love the evenings when we sit as a family breaking bread and sharing the memories of our day. Oh, the wonder of it all!

I don't believe that our days are meant to be routine sweat and labor. I truly believe that each day is meant to be seen as a gift. Each day could be the last day that you are able to do__________. Then what? Are we wasting the blessings of each day and missing the wonder of His plan? When you think about loved ones that you have lost, what do you remember....it's the little things, right?

Let me encourage us all to stop not just once, twice or even three times, but let us stop ourselves hundreds of times a day and remember the wonder of that moment. No matter what the moment....good, bad, beautiful, ugly....let us remember it is a gift. The wonder of each moment throughout our days is a gift from God, a reflection of His unending love and an opportunity to share His amazing grace.