There are many things I try or wish I could protect my children from. We are very cautious about many things they watch or hear. We keep a close eye on friendships they are making and places they go. Our desire is to help our children grow up having spent each day glorifying God and understanding how much we and God love them. But, we can not protect them from everything.
One thing I am hypersensitive about, is child abuse. Our family talks about appropriate touching, appropriate behaviors and watching out for each other, probably once every other week in some way. I want to be sure that all of our children know that they have the right to protect their body and that they should never fear telling someone if they feel someone else is not listening to the boundaries established.
As a former teacher and youth leader, I have seen and heard of way too many situations where children have been abused. This danger very seldom comes from a stranger or scary looking person as most people teach their children. People who are kind, who know how to make kids like them and who can even be part of their family, those are the ones who do most of the abusing. Neighbors, uncles, step-fathers, coaches, counselors and fathers or brothers of friends are more likely to be a danger to your children than the strange looking man at the park. When abuse comes from people you trust and have a relationship with, it is much harder to report, stop and feel comfortable telling someone.
My goal is not to scare our children, but to help them be aware of the situations they put themselves in. I am aware of girls who were abused: when a dad drove them home after they babysat his children; by brother's of friends at a sleepover; by relatives; by neighbors; even by their own friends. In each situation that I am aware of, the abuse continued several times and were not just one time events. I am so concerned that victims don't understand that they truly are victims and they need to get help. They are so often threatened and bullied into the abusive situation that they are not able to think clearly how to get the abuse to stop. All children need to know abuse is wrong and telling is right!
I was abused as a child by a family member and it divided the family when I testified against him in court. Many in the family believed me, while many in the family thought I made the whole series of events up. The family was essentially destroyed when the courts decided that he should serve several years in prison for his actions. This is a very common reaction and many children do not tell because they do not want to destroy their family....the abuser has made it clear that if the victim tells, the family will fall apart, and it will be the victims fault.
You may be wondering why I have felt the need to spend my day writing what seems to be a post much different than my norm. Well, a few nights ago my husband and I were watching a news program that was detailing a very disturbing situation of years of abuse to possibly hundreds of women and young girls, all under the disguise of bringing honor to God. I have seriously had trouble sleeping each night since and can't help but want to run to their side and help them see the truth. Running to their side is not a possibility at this time, but encouraging you to help your children avoid an abusive situation is something I can do.
Let me encourage you to think about my words carefully and decide how you might best speak to your children about abuse. You know your children and how best to communicate with them. In our family we use words like "private areas," "parts of our body that would be covered by a swimsuit," "intimacy that is meant for marriage," and "we don't keep secrets from each other." It breaks my heart to know that children are abused each and everyday. I pray that we would all have the courage to talk to our children, the insight to keep them from harmful situations and the wisdom to know when they are experiencing pain. And, may God please provide a way out of the abusive situation any child might find themselves in. Let's stop abuse, one child at a time!
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