Loving Them Into Adulthood

I have been given a heart for kids, no really, I love kids. They don't have to be mine, I still love them and want to encourage them. I am that annoying person at the store talking to your children, we're having a full conversation and before you know it they will be inviting me over for dinner. :-) I am always noticing kids, watching them and thinking about them.....and I mean ALWAYS. It is a blessing most of the time, but it can also get me in trouble.

Something I have noticed recently is a large number of parents doing things for their children and/or taking responsibility for things their children are responsible for. I agree 100% with the understanding that we are only going to have our little ones for a short time. They will be grown before we know it and we will no longer have small footsteps to listen to. However, I don't think we should encourage our children to stop growing up and stay little just because they are "so cute." One of our primary jobs as parents is to prepare our children to do things on their own....we need to prepare them to live on their own and grow into responsible adults that can start their own healthy, loving family.

I find encouraging my children to "grow up" challenging sometimes. For example: when our son says "peas" instead of "please," it is very cute and does it really hurt anyone? well, yes, it actually hurts him and his natural speech development patterns; when our daughter works incredibly hard for something and is not able to achieve her goal, I don't want her to see the pains of growing up, I want to protect her and tell her everything is going to be ok; when someone leaves their "important item" they need at home, it is tough to decide whether to bale them out or let them learn more about responsibility. These are just some of the times when I want to ignore the opportunity I have the help our children grow and just keep them small, I want to put aside my responsibility to help them become the best person they can be and just hold them tight in my arms.

Recently I heard on the radio that the age of adolescence is now being defined as age 13-27. The speaker went on to explain how parents need to give their children more responsibility to help them make the journey from childhood to adulthood. I was floored. I still cannot believe that children are not leaving the adolescence stage until 27 years of age. What are they doing for over a decade in adolescence? That just seems crazy to me.

It is great to hold our kiddos tight in our arms, and I know without a doubt that an empty nest is hard and scary.... but is our holding them back helping THEM or is it just making US feel better? Watching our kiddos as they fail and correcting them when they make mistakes are difficult tasks, but in the end, our children will be stronger, more prepared adults because we loved them enough to teach them how to grow-up.

Let me encourage you today to take a new look at your relationship with your child. Are you making the tough choices and loving them into adulthood? Or, are you holding on a bit too tight? The transition might be a difficult one, but when your 24 year old is living on their own and not stuck in adolescence, you can look back and declare that it was worth it! You loved your children enough to love them into adults!

Giving Thanks For All Things

It is November, so many of the social media sites have people who are writing a different thing each day that they are thankful for. They write things like they are thankful for family, thankful for shelter, thankful for friends and thankful for specific things going on in their lives. I think it is great and have done it often myself.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of leading Children's Church at our congregation. The lesson happened to be on praying about everything. For one of the activities we took the alphabet and wrote down things we could pray to God about. The letter "A" paper looked like this: Anger, Apples, Animals, Adoration, Attitude, Aunts and America. We wanted to pray both for things we are thankful for and for items we need help with. I really liked this activity. It was great to see all the ideas the children could come up with for each letter.

After thinking about these two ideas, giving thanks each day and praying through the alphabet, I thought it would be a great idea for our family to combine the two ideas. Why don't we take time each day to thank God using a different letter of the alphabet to inspire us? This should help our children to focus on all the great blessings they have and to remember exactly whom those blessings come from. Now, I realize that we are 10 days behind, but there are only 26 letters in our alphabet and  maybe on some of the more challenging letters we can double up. I am excited to give it a try!

Let me encourage you to find fun, simple ways to help your child remember they can talk to God about anything and praise God for everything. I wonder what your family will be thankful for? We are going to display our "Thanks Alphabet" in our hall, hopefully that will help encourage others to give thanks for all things. Have a great day thank God!

Changing A Life

Have you ever watched a show with your family when on comes a commercial that shows children or animals in very desperate situations, and they need your help? It happens occasionally in our home. I generally ignore the commercials. Our family already sponsors some children and has two pets, so I just haven't felt the need to focus on these types of campaigns. What about you?

Recently, our family has entered the "foster care" world. It has been quite an adjustment for everyone, but it has also been a huge blessing. I had no idea how much I personally would grow because of two children that six months ago were basically strangers to me. I am thankful each day for the decision we made to invite them into our family. 

Since entering this new season, our eyes have been opened to so much that is going on around us each and everyday, but we never noticed. We have met or learned about many children in the "system" that are simply looking for a little hope. These are children below grade level in school because no one has ever cared enough to help them with their homework and make sure they are in school each day. These are children that are still having potty accidents at 10 years old because no one has ever taken the time to truly potty train them. These are children that have lived in 4 or 5 different homes just this year. These are children who have no idea what they want to be when they grow-up, because they can't see past tomorrow. These are children who have been abused and/ or experienced things that we can not even imagine. These are children who just want to be loved, know that they will receive three meals a day and be able to come home to the same place each day. 

I know what you are thinking, I thought the same things. We don't have enough money at this time to help....I know about not having enough money. We don't have the room for more children.....yep, we don't either. We don't have the time to take on anything else.....I'm with you, my plate is full. What about the safety and development of our own children.....this is a huge concern, but with monitors, boundaries and open conversations everyone can be on the same page. There is only so much that a person can do....this is very true, but through Christ's strength we can do so much more. 

Today, I am writing a post different than any other. Today, I am going to ask you to think about getting involved in the lives of others. Would you consider being a foster parent? Would you think about being a "Big Brother or Big Sister?" Would you consider sponsoring a child, not just for Christmas, but every month of the year? Getting involved in the foster system is easy, just contact your local county human services department. The organization Big Brothers and Big Sisters is a wonderful place to start to reach out to kids that are struggling. They match you up with a youth and the two of you get to know each other, go on adventures together and build a relationship that could last a lifetime. There are several organization where you can sponsor a child, we use Compassion International, but we also have first hand experience with World Vision, Children International and Children's Christian Concern Society. (I am sure there are many more great ministries out there)

Let me encourage you to take time to pray about how God might be leading you to touch the life of another child. I know that it may be a huge step for you and your family, but I also know that you will be blessed. God has something amazing in store for both you and the child(ren) you are going to share your life with! I'll be praying for you, and thanks for thinking about changing a life.

Making Disciples In Our Homes

At a Bible study recently, there was some talk about Matthew 28:19...(Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you.)  This is a very familiar verse and I have heard people speak on it countless times. However, this time the conversation struck me a bit differently. In the spirit of this verse (and because we love to serve) our family has been on mission trips, sponsor children in third world countries and have given money to several ministries. But, what about the disciples in my own home? Are we doing all we can to make disciples in our homes?

After thinking about Matthew 28:19 and 20 a bit longer, I began to think that I may have lost sight of my first calling, my family. Am I truly witnessing to my family the best that I can? Or, are my weaknesses and sinful nature drowning out any witness that I have? If I am not an affective witness to my own family, how can I be a witness to those outside my home?

I know way too many families, that I would consider to be wonderful Christian families, who are now struggling with their children and the choices they are making. These children have seen the hypocrisy. They see the "church mom" or the "church dad" and they see the "real mom or dad." The youngsters that I have talked to tell me that what they experience is all an act and that they want something real. They don't want to pretend to be something they are not and they don't want to be at a church where everyone is just pretending. I think the teens have a valid point. However, I think they are mistaken about one thing...I don't think their parents are pretending, I think they are just sinners. Their parents are just working hard everyday to do what is right, but everyday they fall short. Just like the rest of us.

So this makes me think that if I am going to consciously work at making disciples in my own home, (which I know is the work of the Holy Spirit, just hang with me a minute) I need to stop the hypocrisy in my home. I believe that our kids need to know that we struggle with sin everyday, and they will struggle with sin everyday, but that doesn't keep us from going to the cross each day and asking for forgiveness. That also doesn't keep us from wanting to allow the Holy Spirit to change our lives. Just because I am a sinner, my behavior is not excused. Just because God loves me just as I am, doesn't mean He doesn't want me to grow more like Him everyday. He also loves our kids just as they are, but He wants them to grow more like Him each day also. Most importantly, just because they are my kids, doesn't mean I shouldn't ask them for forgiveness when I sin against them.

Ultimately, it IS the work of the Holy Spirit in a person's life that draws them to Christ. But as a parent, I want to be sure to have a home where the Holy Spirit is free to do it's work and not hindered by my choices. Some things we can do to help our home be a great place to "plant our orchard" are:  praying for our children; helping them memorize Bible verses; letting them see us taking personal devotion time; having family devotion time; attending worship services; serving others and I am now adding help them see through the hypocrisy, so they too know what it means to be a disciple of Christ. Wow, that is a long list!

Let me encourage us all to wake up each day knowing that God has called us to minister in our home first. May the love that we have for Christ fill our homes and capture our children as the Holy Spirit works in their lives. May we each have the courage to work through the hypocrisy, allow our children to see our failures and use them to help us all grow closer to Christ and the plans He has for us all. This is not going to be easy, God bless and give strength to each one of us as we focus on making disciples in our homes!

Birthday With A Twist

I am not sure what your home is like, but our family does not have a shortage of stuff. We are blessed to have bins of toys in the playroom, shelves filled with books in the office and closets filled with clothes in each bedroom. I often think we have too much stuff.

A few years ago we decided that birthday time was one of the times of year when we accumulated more things then we needed. We started asking that friends not bring presents for the six birthdays we have in six weeks. Instead of gifts, we ask guests to help us help others with their needs.  This year we collected hats and gloves for the county homeless program, we filled four large bags with new supplies.   We also have thought of or have collected non-perishable foods, socks for foster kiddos, and school supplies. It is great to see how everyone really embraces the idea!

We also know people who have done similar things for their birthdays. Instead of having a typical party, they take their party and go work at the food pantry or a soup kitchen. There are also organizations like "Feed My Starving Children," that have work days for birthday parties. It really is a great way to celebrate and make a difference all at the same time.

Birthdays are a special time in our home. We love celebrating a new year with our kiddos. There are special dinners, homemade cakes, presents from family and fun activities. However, we also want our children to remember how blessed they truly are. It is important for them to be thankful for their circumstances and take a moment to brighten the day of someone who may not be as blessed.

Let me encourage you to take time to celebrate the birth of each member of your family, for they are precious! Let me also encourage you to think of ways that your family can bless others, it doesn't need to be something big, any type of help is a blessing. What type of twist can you add to your birthdays this year?

Spinning Out of Control

There are days when the events, activities and situations seem to start our lives spinning out of control. Sometimes it is simply because the calendar just got too jammed with commitments, sometimes it is because of illness, sometimes it is because of a child's decision making, sometimes it is because of work and sometimes it is because of more than one of these developments.

When my days start spinning out of control there are many things that seem to fall to the side ...my personal devotion time, any personal time, individual cuddle time with each child, housework....pretty much anything that is not "screaming" for attention. I am discovering that by allowing some things to go without attention, my days can regain some calmness. However, I am also discovering that their are somethings that when not given attention, cause my days to begin spiraling even more out of control.

I remember an article that I read several years ago about how God gives me enough time each day for the items that He desires for me to complete. The key to finishing these tasks each day is doing my best to make my "to do" list, match what God has planned for me to do today. I find this idea easier said than done, but something clearly stated in scripture: "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:3

What I am learning is that not being deliberate about my devotion time, doesn't work. My devotion time is too important to skip and it is one of those items that helps keep my day from spinning. My children are also learning that my devotion time is a very important time to me, they know that interrupting this time is not wise. Only serious situations should call mom from her devotions. (Most days my devotions are complete before they awake, but sometimes there is an early riser or two)

Another commonly pushed aside area that I need to intentionally focus on, is individual contact time. On days that seem busier than any before, I must make sure to spend at least a few moments with each child. It can be as simple as rubbing their back as I look over their shoulder at their homework, eating next to them at the table or reading them a book. No matter what it is, both of us will have a better day if we are able to connect on a personal level.

Recently I posted on how my ability to juggle seven kiddos comes from the strength that Christ gives me. Since that post, the number of days that seem to overwhelm me have greatly outnumbered the "ordinary" days. (God sense of humor) I still know that my strength comes from Christ, but I also know that I am really good at committing to more than I should. I am great at establishing my plans before committing them to the Lord.

Let me encourage you to commit your plans to the Lord, to rely on Christ's strength, and to be intentional about you devotion time. There will still be days that seem to spin away from us, just hold on and remember to focus on what is truly important.

Helping Children Be Budget Minded

Fall in our home brings birthday season. We are blessed to have 6 birthdays in 6 weeks. It gets a bit crazy at times, but we do truly enjoy this season of celebration.

I am sure you can imagine how expensive this time could become when seven children are all trying to purchase birthday presents for their siblings. It can be quite the task. We have developed a system, however, that seems to work great for our family. It provides each child with the opportunity to choose a gift for each sibling and develop their money managing skills at the same time. A win-win for our whole family.

Here is what we do, if you like it, maybe you can start something similar in your home....

First, we establish a budget, it is usually $2 per child; meaning everyone gets $2 for each person's gift. (thus depending on the child they get between  $10 and $12 to spend for others) In our last community there was a church that had a ginormous rummage sale each September. We would use this event as our shopping venue, it was great. Where we live currently, our town has a community wide rummage sale during the same time frame. We are able to use this event for our shopping now a days. It is much more difficult to find items this way, so at the end of the day we head to the local thrift store to help fill in any gaps that are left.

I really enjoy this way of celebrating! It is amazing how many things a child can find for $2 or less. Each child is responsible for finding their own gifts to give (ok, I helped the 18 month old). Every child knows their budget and is able to move within their budget to fill their list. For example, if they find the "perfect" present for one of their siblings but it is $3, they know that they need to spend only $1.50 on two of their other siblings. The majority of the time, they have money left over at the end of the day. They were able to find gifts for everyone for less than their budget. No one is allowed to exceed their budget.

If a child is about to go over budget, they can suggest an item they found be purchased by someone else. This gets them all looking for great ideas for each other. There are always lots of suggestions and "look at this" being tossed about. However, the ultimate decision lands with each child. They need to be comfortable with the gift they select, comfortable with their budget and know that their sibling will truly enjoy what they purchased.

Our shopping day is one of my favorite days of the year. It brings me great joy to see everyone helping each other and truly thinking about what the other person wants. I love that they are learning to manage money and make wise choices with the resources that they have. But, most of all I love that I can give my kiddos the opportunity to bless each other. I can't wait to do it all over again next year!

This is just one thing that we do to provide our children with an opportunity to manage money. Maybe this won't work for your family, so let me encourage you to find something that will. In today's culture, people are having more money problems than in the past. It amazes me how much money people make and they still aren't able to pay their bills, or they make choices that make it very challenging to pay their bills. I don't want my children to face unnecessary financial struggles because they never learned how to manage their money. Let us all help our children to know that money is just an asset to be used wisely, not something that controls us; and that we don't need lots of money to have fun and bless others.