Living Like A Christmas Card

'Tis the season for twinkling lights, singing carols, baking treats and making gifts. Now that I have a family of my own, this is really one of my favorite times of the year. However, it can become quite busy and somewhat overwhelming at the same time. I for one still have presents and cards to mail. The hustle and bustle of the last few weeks has left me with little or no time to complete the extra items I have added to my list. It seems that many I talk to are "stressed" this time of year, including me.

Then I heard it, someone say "Have you read the Christmas Cards you have received? What if we lived our lives like those cards, everyday?"

What an amazing concept! When I go read the Christmas Cards we have received,  I find messages of good news and great joy. There are messages encouraging us to spread the love and peace of Christ to everyone. Others talk about the need for us to seek the King each and everyday. Still others are filled with pictures of joy filled faces wanting to share the love and blessings God has given this past year.

I absolutely love our Christmas Card display and the wonderful messages we have received from friends. I think this year we might leave it up a bit longer, and incorporate it into our family devotions. We could re-read one card each night and then decide as a family how we can live out the message we have received.

What might we do to spread love and peace? How can we be sure to seek the King each and everyday? Can we live a life that shows the joy we have in Christ to those around us? I know we will have rough days, but if we remind ourselves of the great messages we have received maybe our Christmas celebration can last far into the New Year. After all, Christ was born for us each and everyday of the year, not just in December.

May you and your family have a blessed New Year and may you know each and everyday that Jesus Christ is the true reason for every season!

Your Children Are Amazing!

Can you remember back to the time your children were born? You held this infant in your arms and exclaimed, "he/she is amazing!" Look, she smiled. Look, he is holding his own bottle. Look, she is clapping. Oh, he said his first word. Everyday was filled with amazing adventures.

If you are anything like me, you may be finding things less amazing these days. I know that I am struggling with finding the amazement in being a taxi driver, short order cook, maid, tutor, event planner, cheerleader and all the other hats that moms are asked to wear each day. Because of my feelings, I have stopped seeing the amazement in our children. But, it occurred to me the other day that they are still amazing, I am just too distracted to notice.

Think about all the amazing things children do:
-some of them play instruments, that is amazing, can you still play an instrument?
-most of them sing songs, some of them even write their own songs as they go through their day....."I'm cleaning up my toys, cleaning up my toys and putting them in the bucket."
-they make or draw pictures for you on a regular basis; when was the last time you made a picture for someone just to tell them you love them?
-the majority of them work extremely hard on their homework; homework that doesn't look anything like the stuff we did, homework that manages to get more intense each year.
-most or all of your children are able to read. Just think about that, they can read. Reading is extremely difficult, it is amazing when a child can read.
-Chores....our children do chores everyday, it is not very often that I acknowledge them for it; I need to remember that these are all skills they are learning for their future, and they are doing an amazing job....even if it is not the way I would do it. :-)
-treating others with kindness and compassion; it is simply amazing how children learn to share, play nice and build friendships.
-not to mention the sports are children are involved in, the amount of time they spend practicing, preparing, playing and recovering while still completing their homework and other responsibilities is truly amazing
(I could keep going, but I am sure you have the idea)

Just looking at your children can lead you to see that they are amazing. They are God's amazing creations. They are accomplishing amazing tasks each and every day.

I would love to encourage you to tell your children today, that they are amazing. Tell them that you are proud of how hard they work, how they treat others with kindness and how much they help you. Even on the days when they seem to be driving you crazy, they are still amazing. One of my favorite movies has this quote, "When we look for the bad in people expecting to find it, we certainly will." I think that can also work in reverse. If we take the time to look for the good in our children, I am certain we will find it.....after all, they are simply amazing!

Our Children and Ferguson

The past few days have filled our home with many questions, feelings and worries. It is very strange to turn on the TV or listen to the news on the radio and hear about the violence, riots and protestors. It is not something we see everyday, thankfully.

As we have been reflecting on the situation, there are some topics that keep repeating themselves.  What have the discussions been like in your home? Here is a glimpse at ours:

"Aren't we suppose to listen to police officers?" Yes, yes you are. When a police officer is speaking to you and asks you to stop, you stop. When a police officer puts his lights on and wants you to pull over, you pull over. When a police officer asks you a question, you should answer it. (We will talk about getting a lawyer when they are older, but for now you should answer the question.)

"Isn't that somebody else's store?" Yes, yes it is. The building that those people just broke the windows to or have set on fire, it belongs to someone else. That building was bought with the owner's money, the supplies inside were bought with the owner's money and most likely the owner or his tenant has all of their personal items in the apartment upstairs. ......"I would be very sad if someone did that to my things. I think the owner is sad too." You are probably right dear.

"I thought there was only one race. Aren't we all just a different color of brown?"  Yes, yes we are. We are all humans made by an amazing God. We are only one race, just different shades of the same color. I don't know why more people don't see it the same way.

"Why are they so mad?" That is a difficult question to answer, because I don't know them personally. However, it seems to me that they are angry because they don't agree with the decision the grand jury made. "But, when I don't get my way, I'm not allowed to start things on fire and steal things." No, no you are not. It is hard for me to say why they think this is helping. It seems to me that more people might be willing to listen to them if they weren't breaking the law.

"I just don't understand, Mommy." I know, it is very difficult to understand. But, our daily life is very different from life in the inner city. Many people in the inner city have begun to feel almost hopeless. Many of them feel that their schools are not good, so their children won't ever get a good education. They are probably frustrated with the lack of jobs in their area and lack of opportunities for their children. I imagine that if I lived in the same circumstances, I might feel trapped and not really know how to express my frustration. If you start to feel like the whole world is against you, I bet you start to feel that the police are against you too. It doesn't really matter if it is true, because in extreme situations, your perception is your reality. We are very blessed to live where we are at!

"What can we do?" Well, I am not really sure what we can do for Ferguson. However, we certainly can do our part to keep others from feeling the same way. I think we should start by praying, praying for the police officers, praying for the people living in the cities in our country and praying that leaders will make decisions that help to unify not divide the country. We can also continue to help by serving those who might have needs they can't meet on their own. Finally, I think that it is important that we always remember that there is only ONE race. We need to remember that God made us all in His image and share that wonderful truth with all of our friends.

Although situations like the riots in Ferguson can be difficult to discuss, they can also be important opportunities for us to share the love Christ has for us and others with our children. May God be your guide as you continue to talk with your children about challenging situations.

Waiting For Mistakes

Today I am pleased to share with you a blog post that my husband has written for our church blog. I hope you enjoy his perspective and thoughts. Before you read on, let me ask you one question.....How is your 40 day prayer challenge going? Prayer is designed to help us align our hearts with God. I am excited about the things happening here in our local church, I hope your 40 day challenge is going well and that God is using you to bring Him glory in your congregation! Enjoy the post. 

Romans 8:31

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

A few weeks ago, I was cutting the grass at our home. To me, cutting the grass is a mindless job that gives me around 3 hours of thinking and praying time. This particular day, I began to think about some conversations that I recently had with a friend of mine. As I thought about some of the things that this friend said, I started to feel like my friend was just waiting for people to make mistakes. It was like my friend wanted to catch them making those mistakes. It began to feel to me like my friend was not for these people but rather against them.

Now I have learned through the years that God usually brings events like this to my attention to show me my own actions. This time, God began to show me that there are times when I parent the same way my friend is acting. How often do my kids get the feeling that I’m just waiting for them to make a mistake so that I can discipline them. At times, I have even created an atmosphere in our home where finding their mistakes seemed like the goal.

Why am I sharing this with you today? First of all, I want my kids to know that my goal is always to help them make good choices. How much different would life be if my kids thought that I was for them, that I always want them to succeed? As we grow, we will quite often relate our relationship with our parents to our relationship with God. How much different would life be if we believed that God was for us and always wants what is best for us? Now let me make one thing clear, being for my kids does NOT mean that I just look the other way when they make mistakes. I love my kids, and that means that I try to use their mistakes as teaching moments and try to teach my kids to make better choices. I want my kids to understand that I have their best interest in mind.  I’m not against them, I’m for them.

In the same way, we need to remember that God is not against us, He is for us. Why would He have His One and Only Son die for people who He is against? Instead, God is the One “who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” He uses mistakes that we make to help teach us and change us because He knows that going down a different path will hurt us. When you love someone you don’t want to see them make choices that you know will eventually hurt them. God loves you, wants what is best for you, and always has your best interests in mind. He is not hovering over us waiting for us to make a mistake! He is walking with us, gently leading us and calling to us to follow His ways.

40 Day Church Prayer Challenge

I know there are plenty of 40 day challenges flying around our society these days, but I am being convicted to start a 40 day prayer challenge for the local church. I know we probably don’t go to the same church, but that doesn’t matter, I am convinced that each and every church can use some prayer. I just can’t help but feeling like the local church is under a great deal of pressure right now. It might be the recent legal action in Texas and Idaho, or maybe it is the financial struggles of our nation or maybe it is just an unrest in my soul. Whatever it might be, I am going to spend the next 40 days praying for our church, it’s leaders, members, guests and neighbors. I hope you will consider joining me! I know that your church, it’s leaders, members guests and neighbors will be blessed.

My plan is to start praying on November 1st and continue until December 10th. (You can certainly choose the dates that work best for you!) This will cover our church while everyone is preparing for the Christmas season, a season when many visitors will enter our doors, and many who don’t know Christ will be seeking to find some direction. It seems like the perfect time to make an impact for the Kingdom.

At first, I was attempting to find a different group of people to pray for each day of the challenge. Our church is fairly small, so I fell short and only came up with 27 groups to pray for. I have included the list just because it might help you come up with ideas of your own. I have decided that I will be using a 7 day rotation, this way I will be praying for each major group of people several times during the challenge. The rotation I will be using looks like this:

Day 1-Pastors and Ministers

Day 2-Boards and Committees

Day 3-Volunteers and Employees

Day 4-Members and Guests

Day 5-Outreach and Church Ministries

Day 6-Community Residence

Day 7-Christians throughout the world

I pray that you and your family will consider accepting my challenge to pray for your local church for the next 40 days. I am so excited to see what our churches will be inspired to do with this little bit of extra prayer, and how many souls we are going to be able to reach this Christmas season!

Prayer List Ideas:

1-Pastors

2-Ministers

3-Council or Board

4-Host Team

5-Lay Leaders

6-Choir or band

7-Behind the scenes (tech crew, altar guild, and such)

8-Sunday school teachers

9-Small group leaders

10-Youth volunteers

11-outreach ministries

12-nursery workers

13-cleaners and repair persons

14-Secretaries, Receptionists and Administrative assistants

15-Committees

16-Children

17-Youth

18-Singles

19-Marriages

20-Families

21-Seniors

22-Members or Regular attendees

23-Occasional attendees

24-Guests

25-Community members in our sphere

26-Community members in need

27-Christians all over the World

The End Of The Rope

This is a brutally honest post, a reflection on how I have been feeling the last several days. I pray that if you are feeling similar, that you will know you are not alone. May God be glorified in your home, and may your heart and mind be filled with Christ Jesus!

The end of the rope

How did I get here?

The rope seems so long, strong and endless

But here is the end, the end, the end

I am not quite sure what to do

Let go, hang on, climb up,  

How much strength do I have left?

How much longer can I stay right here?

I think I'm scared

It is just as hard to let go, as to climb back up

But I can't just stay here, 

I must do something, but what? 

My head knows what to do.

It tells me that there will be troubles in this world,

But Christ has overcome the world

My heart isn't listening

My heart is heavy and broken

Trapped by an all consuming weight 

It doesn't see the Joy or Love the head sees

I don't think it can see at all these days

My head is telling my heart to lay down the burden

It is talking about an easy yoke and a burden that's light.

My heart can't see, it can't see the easy yoke, it can't see

My heart can't see here at the end of the rope

I must do something, do something

The end of the rope is scary, I shouldn't look at the end

The beginning of the rope is too high, I'll never make it there

Where should I look, what should I do?

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes on a mid point

The mid point is still too high, I'm not strong enough to make it there

Fix my eyes, but fix my eyes where on the rope?

The rope is too challenging, I don't want to look at the rope

Fix my eyes, fix my eyes off the rope?

My mind is telling me to fix my eyes on Jesus

Fix my eyes on Jesus, not the rope?

Fixing my eyes on Him may help my heart see, even at the end of the rope, my heart might see

My head is right, fixing on Jesus does seem better

Fixing my eyes on Jesus hasn't changed that I am at the end of the rope

But now, I see Jesus at the end of the rope with me 

He is with me, He is lifting my heart

Fixing my eyes on Jesus, at the end of the rope, He helps my heart to see

He helps my heart to see at the end of the rope

My heart is still heavy, I am still a bit scared

But I know I am not alone at the end of my rope



*****It seems my words may have conveyed a sense of despair instead of the attitude of melancholy I intended. Please know that I am not suicidal or even depressed. I thought of sharing these words because so many people think that I and many others they see in church, don't have great struggles, or always have an easy life. We don't. We have high mountains and low valleys just like you. I know my words convey a sense of overwhelmed conditions, a place where I can not make it on my own. This however, is often the best place to be with your faith. I know without a doubt that God is holding me in His hand and guiding my steps. These are steps I could not take all on my own. When this struggle is over or when my heart is no longer heavy, I will be able to look back and know without a doubt that God is the one that brought me through this moment. I will know that He is working in my life and guiding me through, I will know because there is no way I could have made it through the struggle completely on my own. I will once again know without a doubt, that the God that is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, knows my name and cares for me! I pray that when these words ring true in your life, that you would also know how much He loves YOU!

Me No Like That!

With a family our size, it is extremely difficult to find meals, activities, or entertainment, that everyone will enjoy. Sometimes it is more than difficult, sometimes it is down right frustrating. I am certain that if you have two or more children, you know exactly what I am talking about. Some days that can't even agree on the show they are going to watch for quiet time. So begins the argument.

We have been spending a great deal of time lately looking at our choices. We are looking at how our choices affect others, how our choices affect us and what might be the best choice we can make. It is tough, it is tough to get them to look beyond what they WANT to what might be best. But, there is some amazing learning taking place. Let me try to explain.

In our home there is a time in the early morning when children can choose a show to watch. Typically the first person awake gets to pick the show. Well, the two year old isn't too fond of this idea. He ALWAYS wants to watch "Curious George," he thinks it should always be his pick. We have had plenty of disagreements over the morning shows. However, I am happy to say that after examining our decision making process we are now usually able to come up with some compromises that involve no loud voices and no tears. Using our words, we all talk about what we would like, then what we would accept, or if we are willing to complete a task during this show and then return to watch a show a bit later. We still have some rough mornings, but the majority of them see good compromises.

We also have troubles sharing toys or items we want to play with. Again the hardest person to work with is the two year old, as he feels all the toys are his. In these situations we have asked the older children to find their little brother a similar toy or find a way to include him in their activity. This strategy works often, but sometimes we hear the phrase, "me no like that!" At that point, the real negotiating begins. If trading, taking turns or finding a similar toy doesn't work, we now have made some activity boxes that can usually completely distract him. He soon forgets what his brother has and is overjoyed with is pan of field corn kernels and small construction trucks.

These days are tough days with the two year old and his "me no like that," attitude. However, as I have been trying to work through these situations with him, I can clearly see the same attitude being displayed by some of the older members of our family and even some of our friends. I am wondering how do you get to be 14 or 25 or even 40 and still have a "me no like that," attitude. Did we not emphasize compromise when we had fewer children?

Let me encourage you to spend sometime emphasizing the need to compromise with our toys, shows and family activities. In my opinion our world has way too many people that want what they want when they want it. I have seen it at the grocery store, at the playground and even at church. People replace their good manners for fairly selfish demands, and see absolutely nothing wrong with it. I know that none of us want our children to grow up to become the "scene makers" at the store. Let's all work on teaching our children polite ways to say "no" and effective ways to move past the "me no like that" attitudes, I think we will truly enjoy the benefits of this hard work.

What's Your Story?

We had the opportunity to spend some quality time together at a Family Retreat last weekend. It was really nice! Great time to spend canoeing on the lake, gathering around the campfire, playing kickball, collecting rocks, connecting with other families and worshiping God together. If you find a family camp or retreat near you, I highly recommend you make time for it.

One of our sessions at the retreat was about stories. Our children hear and read tons of stories as they grow. Most of these stories are fiction or not true. This is different than most of the history of our world. Up until the last few decades, most stories being told by a family where true (or at least based on a true event) and told by family members around the table or at family gatherings. The times together were spent sharing Bible stories, fishing stories, stories about silly things Uncle Jimmy did when he was little, stories about how Grandpa and Grandma fell in love, and stories about how "life" use to be. You could trust the people telling you the stories and knew that even if there was a bit of exaggeration included for effect, the meaning of the story was true and part of your family's uniqueness.

Our session on stories encouraged all of us to think of true situations in our lives where we knew God had been present and demonstrated His great love for us. It was really interesting to hear what the children thought of as a special blessing from God. Many of our children needed to think for several minutes, but having my husband and I share stories first really helped them. Here is some of what we shared with each other:
     -My husband shared about a time when we were trying to buy "the perfect house," only for us to loose it because of a technicality. If we would have bought that house, our lives would be completely different now. (different job, different coach, different dance center, different church, etc.) God had a plan and that house was not part of it, even though we thought it was perfect. We are so glad we didn't get "the perfect house" now.
     -I shared a story about a time when we were trying to take a trip. I had an agenda and we NEEDED to leave by a certain time in order to meet my agenda. Well, we didn't, we were several hours late. I was so frustrated! However, as we journeyed on our trip we came to a deadly multi-car accident. An accident we probably would have been a part of if we would have left on time. I have never been so thankful to be running late. God had a different plan and I am thankful.
     -Our children shared stories about their dance class, their ability to join our family, their friendships and our church.
It was really a wonderful session. It was great to have the children think about how God is working in their lives and hear them tell the story.

Ok, that was fun, but what is the point really? Well, in our society today it is often difficult to talk to others about Christ and His amazing love. We often hear things like, "that is great if you want to believe that, but I don't believe in God;" or "you can't prove that their is a God;" or "God is just a myth, He isn't real." There are many things that people say about God and our faith. They even have research and science to back up their arguments. Many feel there is nothing we can say to people like this that will help them see the love of Christ. However, our session shared with us that NO ONE can argue with your story. Your story is true and it happen to you, so there is really nothing they can say to disqualify your statements. It is a great way to help others see the amazing things God is doing in the world around them. Stories are a great tool that God can use to help others learn about Him.

I think that we should think about our stories a couple of times a year, thinking of new stories each time. This will help our own children see the great things God is doing in their lives. It will help grow their faith and help them be prepared to share their stories with others. God is calling us to impact the world for His Kingdom, and now we can do that one story at a time.

Strong Marriage, Strong Family

I know that this is a blog about parenting, and not so much about marriage, but I believe that the first step to a strong family is a strong marriage. We have been blessed with over 20 years of marriage and have had our fair share of mistakes, but as Sarah Groves says in one of her songs..."life with you is half as hard and twice as good." I pray that your marriage is filled with love and joy, please allow me to share some things we have learned from our own mistakes, misconceptions or experiences.

1- He is not the same person I married. Personally, I feel one of the biggest misconceptions is that people aren't suppose to change. We see it in the media around us all the time, and unfortunately some of our friends have even started believing it. When I hear the phrase, "he is not the same person I married," I say "Praise God!" I am so thankful that my husband is not the same young, inexperienced, impatient man that I walked down the aisle with over two decades ago. Every year, every challenge, every new child, brings both of us a new perspective and a new understanding of how to best raise this family God has blessed us with. If we are completely honest with ourselves, we are not the same person either. As we both take time to seek Christ and grow in our relationship with Him, we will change. Our prayer is that we will become more like Christ and that our love for each other will grow stronger each and everyday.

2-Intimacy is important. I know that we all know this, however, I truly think we forget how important it is. Let me share a truly personal story....As most of you know, we have seven children and I homeschool most of them. I am sure you can imagine that their are many days when I am beyond tired. I know you have been there. You and I have spent the day teaching, driving, coaching, cleaning, cooking and managing a very busy household. There are literally days when I want nothing more than to collapse on the floor at 7pm. Unfortunately, my overcommitted days leave me with little or no energy for intimacy. But what is worse is that this exhausted attitude of mine has left my husband with the feeling that I am no longer interested in him. We had a rough patch awhile back, my husband actually confessed that sometimes I make him feel like he has the plague. Ouch! The man I love and desire to spend the rest of my life with just told me I treat him like he has a horrible disease. Not what I was hoping for! I know that we are not alone. There are far too many couples that have exhausted wives and husbands that feel like they are disease covered.

This is a tough issue, but it is extremely important, especially to our husbands! After my husband shared with me his feelings of disease infestation, I really needed to do some tough thinking. I was trying to think of ways to rectify this situation. My husband is the most important human in my life, I need to treat him that way. Are there things I could remove from my schedule? Could I adjust my sleeping pattern? Is there someplace we can send the kids for a night? What can I change that will make a long term difference in our relationship?

After much thought, I knew that my work load was not going to decrease. So, I needed to look at other things I could do to show my husband that I was still interested in him and that he doesn't have a disease. I decided to change my sleeping pattern to match his a little bit more and to change what I wear at night. Now, I am not talking a large investment at Victoria Secret, but definitely something a bit nicer than the normal t-shirt and sweats. :-) Go ahead and try something out of the ordinary....oversized button up shirts for easy accessibility; no panties; no pjs at all; put a nightlight in your room for some inexpensive "mood lighting;" get creative. :-) Just by thinking of some new ideas you are demonstrating to your husband that you love him and desire for him to know how important he really is.

3- Fight with dignity. To be completely honest, my husband and I hardly ever fight. We may disagree, but we rarely have a time when we are both seriously beyond angry. I think the main reason this happens is because we are able to disagree with dignity. We don't allow our small discussions to turn into name calling, screaming, dragging up every little thing, arguments. We love and respect each other enough to know that the other person isn't crazy and must have a valid point. Just because we disagree, doesn't mean we can't try to see the other person's point of view. This has taken some time, but I believe it is vitally important to fight with dignity. There is absolutely no reason to heap insults at the one person you love the most. You are spending the rest of your life with this man, don't say anything that you will regret!

4- Pray for your spouse. I know that our job as moms is all consuming and critically important, but I also know that our husband's jobs are just as important. Their jobs inside the home and outside our home are both stressful and time consuming. Our husbands need our prayers. You know what is needed most in your family, take time each week to pray specifically for the needs of your husband. Many times we have no idea what stresses they are feeling. Your prayers are especially needed when you are fighting or riding through a rough time in your marriage. The devil loves to divide our marriages, don't let him get a foothold!

5- Be proud to love your husband! This is different then the discussion in number two. Here, I want to encourage you to love your husband in front of your children and the world. Be sure to kiss and hug him good-bye and/or hello. Be proud to hold his hand or sit with his arm around you. Don't be afraid to give his rump a pinch when he bends over in front of you to get something. Enjoy each other! Enjoy being in a loving marriage relationship. Help your children to see how awesome a loving marriage relationship can be, they aren't going to see this in the media. Our children are often "embarrassed" by us and our love for each other. I put embarrassed in quotations, because I don't believe for a minute that they are truly embarrassed (we aren't that crazy), but I believe that they are happy to know that their parents love each other fully.

I truly pray that your marriage is a wonderful experience. I pray that it is strong and filled with much joy and love. I pray that your family is blessed by the relationship you and your husband have. No matter how long you have been married, let me encourage you to look at your family and see if there is one or two things you can do to bring more strength and vibrance to your marriage. I know that you agree with me that a strong marriage is the first step to a strong family.



*I am in no way asking anyone to be accepting of domestic abuse. If you are in an abusive marriage, please seek help immediately. You are a precious child of God and deserve to be treated as such. I come from a childhood home of domestic abuse and know the difficulty it brings. Please, for the sake of your children and your life, get help today. My prayers are with you!

Words of Wisdom

There are many times that I look at our children and just want to tell them everything all at once. I want to tell them they are "fearfully and wonderfully made." I want to tell them that God has great plans for their life and so they should trust Him and not stray from the path He has laid out for them. I want to tell them that people can be very mean, but that doesn't make them right. They should never allow people to make them feel less valuable than they really are. I want to tell them so much! But so many times I can't.

I can't have a 90 minute discussion with most of our children. Take our two year old, for example, I am blessed if I can get a 2 minute discussion in with him. Our six year old is barely sitting still long enough for us to snuggle and chat for 20 minutes. Even our 13 year old needs to be "in the mood" to have a long quality conversation. Sometimes I worry that I haven't shared all that I feel God is leading me to tell them, and they are growing so fast.

Well, many years ago I started a journal for each child. I try to write in them once every couple of months. I write whatever Bible verse is on my heart that day. I write the characteristics I see them developing as they grow. I write about a hard situation they faced recently and how I hope they will consider handling those situations in the future. I write about all the things I hope they will never question as they grow up, all the things I want to tell them in a long 90 minute chat but never get the chance.

We also use the books as a place for our family and friends to write their favorite verses or words of advice. It has been wonderful. Not only are our children going to receive a book filled with the words I have been praying about for their lives, but they are also getting a book filled with the wisdom and advice of their family and friends.

I know that our children will face some very tough times in their teens and twenties. They will most likely not want to come to me for advice. They may not even want to tell anyone in our family what they are struggling with. My prayer is that the words in these books will guide them through even their toughest days. That even though they may not want to ask my opinion, they can turn the pages and hear my voice in their life and know that I and many others love them and care about them deeply.

Our oldest child will be reaching a great milestone in the next month. As part of our celebration, we will be giving her the book written for her. I am very excited to see how the years of wisdom from so many faithful people will feed into her future.

I want to encourage you to write to your children. You may not want to start a journal, or write more than one or two letters, and that is perfectly fine. However, please take the time to write them at least once. Tell them how amazing they are, how much you love them and how much Jesus cares for them and their future. Tell them some of your favorite Bible verses and why they impact you so much. Tell them why your faith is so important and why you want them to develop their own faith. Tell them whatever is on your heart.

I pray that you and I are around to see our children grow to be grandparents, but if God has other plans, we know that our children will have hand written letters. Letters from us that will be a continual reminder to them of their worth and what an awesome blessing they are in our lives. Our days our short, may the Words of Wisdom that God leads us to write to our children sustain them even when we are no longer walking on this earth.

I would love to hear what your favorite verses are, or what topics you choose to write to your children about!

Laugh, Cry or Scream

I was chatting with a new mom at church this week. Her newborn was expressing her discontent with the current situation. Mom was either rocking too slowly, not holding the pacifier right or standing in the wrong room. :-) You know how newborns are, sometimes it is extremely difficult to figure out what they really want. Honestly, I think there are times the newborn doesn't even know what they really want themselves. Anyway, I was asking how things were going with this wonderful new blessing. She smiled and said, "well, we basically have three choices: laugh, cry or scream. I have done them all." I love it!!

This young mom just summed up most of parenting. We often feel we have only three choices: laugh, cry or scream, when situations jump into our days. And, I think there are some situations that warrant two of them or maybe even all three. Take for example the time when the potty training 2 year old sneaks into a different room to pooh in his pants. Only to be discovered a few moments later with pooh smeared all over his legs and stomach. Seriously, what do you do? Is screaming really going to help either of you at that exact moment? Or when a toy was left on the floor only to have an older sibling whom is reading while walking, trip. This trip causes the book to go flying from their hands and directly into Great-Grandma's heirloom vase, sending it crashing to the floor. Again, what is a parent to do?

I know personally, I find myself jumping right to the screaming choice way too often. Especially on those days when sleep was scarce or there is some issue preoccupying my mind. Then, I become even more frustrated because I have lost MY self-control. It can become a vicious cycle.

In many of the books I read, it talks about the example we set for our children. Screaming is not an example I want to be setting. On days when the situations seem to be hitting me faster than I can deal with them, I need to remember to stop, pray, and ask for God's guidance. I would also like to suggest that we have a forth option, we can laugh, cry, scream or teach. I know I, need to remember that every wrong choice or misbehavior is NOT a question of my authority or an act of disobedience. Sometimes misbehavior is just forgetting, sometimes it is an instance of never knowing and sometimes it is just frustration taking over. Personally, I am trying to work on teaching behavior more. Each and every situation is a chance for us to teach our children. We teach them how to react, how to respond, how to carry themselves and how they might respond differently in the future.

Let's visit my home for a moment. What do we see? Well there is the two year old that has decided to scream at the top of his lungs because his brother has the toy he wants. So after I make a face because the scream hurt my ears, I have the chance to kneel down and remind him to use his words. It would also be a great chance for him to practice exactly what to say a few times. This situation is also a chance for me to talk to his brother about sharing, trading and taking turns. Maybe he can find a toy that is just like the one he has for his little brother. This is a teaching moment. One that I will probably repeat twenty times before they both start to get the hang of it. One that I will need to work hard not to get frustrated with as I am repeating the same thing over and over. These little conversations are very important and all though it seems like we don't have enough time and that the children should have learned by now, it is my job to do my best to teach them how best to behave. 

There are many situations that we face in our family today that lead me to the "cry" or "scream" reactions because I didn't take the time to have the teaching conversations earlier. I now see the short, repetitive conversations that seem so frustrating when they are little, turn into long even more frustrating conversations when they are older. I am slowly learning that these small teaching moments are vitally important. So important, that I need to be intentional about teaching and allow other things to wait. 

Let me encourage you to stop whatever you are doing and take the time to have a great teaching conversation with your little ones. I am challenging myself this month to do more laughing and teaching than screaming and crying, will you join me?

Proverbs Living

Many times when our lives are filled with busyness, I find myself with little time to sit quietly and read the scriptures. I know how vital reading the Word is to my daily life, so on those busy days I try to read a Proverb or two. A long time ago, I had a leader in my life show me that there is a Proverb written for each day of the month. So, since today is the 26th, I would read chapter 26 of Proverbs. It seems that no matter how many times I read Proverbs, there is always some new gem of wisdom that I find. Especially when raising so many little blessings.

The other day I was reading Proverbs 15. I was amazed at how many wonderful verses there were to help our children grow in the love and wisdom of Christ. It seemed to me that almost the whole chapter was devoted to how we want to discipline our children and how we want them to respond to our discipline. I read scriptures written hundreds or even thousands of years ago, and they fit the exact circumstance that we need in our home today......what an awesome God we serve.

Let's look at 15:1 for a moment: "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Wow, isn't that true. When we give or receive a harsh word the simple discussion we were having turns into a heated debate. Most likely an unnecessary heated debate. How different would our exchange have been if one or both of us could have maintained a soft answer? This is also seen is verse 18.

Now jump to 15:5, 15:10 and 15:32.  When we read these, we have verses that may help our children to understand the importance of listening to their parent's input. Many young people, especially teens feel the need to do the complete opposite of what their parent told them. These verses could help them see the foolishness in that. All teens need to work on becoming more independent and making their own choices, but that can be done while respectfully considering what their father or mother has said. Doing the complete opposite is a bit extreme. Helping teens to see they can make their own choice while still obeying their parents is a very important step in growing up.

Verses 2, 7 and 28 talk about holding our tongues and thinking before we speak. I know that is something we discuss all the time in our home. Just because you think it, doesn't mean it is wise for you to say it. Imagine how different our homes and lives would be if people chose to hold their tongues more often. I desire for our children to be like verse 7 and to spread knowledge not folly. An acronym I am sure you have heard of is THINK. Is what you are saying: T- true; H- helpful; I- important; N- necessary; and K- kind? I try to have our children say yes to at least 4 of the letters before they start spewing crazy details. Please, don't misunderstand me, this doesn't apply to every little thing the children are going to tell me; I love hearing about their day or an idea they have, but this is helpful when they are explaining an argument or are about to tattle or when they are just being mean to one of their siblings.

As you can see, reading a Proverb a day can be a great resource when raising your family. Let me encourage you to revisit the Proverbs if it has been awhile since you have read them. You never know what gem you will find to help you and your children live this blessed life you have been given.

End Of Detour

I had an opportunity recently to attend a women's/mom's mini retreat while our children were attending a local Vacation Bible School. It was very nice to spend five mornings with moms just sharing, encouraging and learning more about Christ. I made some new friends and connected with some old ones. There were many tasks that could have been completed at home in the time I spent at this retreat, but it was really great for my heart to rest with these ladies.

One day between speakers we were chatting at our table. A friend next to me was explaining how the road leading from her home to her work was now under construction and there was now a detour attempting to direct her on a new route. She continued to explain how her trip went the very first time she took the detour. I still remember the laughter in her voice as she detailed for us the way she entered the detour's first turn just to be greeted by a sign that read "End of Detour." "What?" she said, "how can this be the end of the detour? I just started and I am no where near where I want to be going!" It was quite comical, our whole table got a good laugh from the story.

How many times has God placed us on a journey where the detour ended, and we were no where near where we thought we were going? How many times have I thought this journey was just beginning, and there in front of me was an "End of Detour" sign? Honestly, I think this has happened hundreds of times during my life.

Here are some of the "end of detour" signs that have jumped into my path just when I thought a new journey was beginning, not ending. Let's start when Jim and I got married, I was sure we were at the beginning of a wonderful time and soon we would have some wonderful little ones to help make our family complete......God certainly had different plans and those six years waiting for children seemed like an extremely long time to wait at a detour. Or, what about the time we moved to a new state to start working in a new ministry just to have the leadership change and our help be no longer needed.....really, why did we move all this way just to be unemployed and only weeks from living on the streets? My heart still aches for the time when we excitedly told our family and friends we were expecting another blessing, just to be faced with a miscarriage days later. I for one can say that I don't always appreciate these "end of detour" signs.

 Here is the tough part for me: when I reach a detour I am frustrated that I can't go the way I want to, and when I look down the path I want to take and see no reason for the detour it frustrates me even more. My very thoughts are, "Clearly there is really nothing wrong with this road, this detour is just a waste of my time!" Guess what happens when I refuse to take the detour and continue past the road closed sign. I find the road really is closed, and now I am stuck with little or no room to turn around, and I end up on the exact detour I was trying to avoid. Seriously, what was I thinking? Do I really think that I know better then the designer of this plan? Well, yes, sometimes I think I do. It is completely foolish, I know! But this sinful being wants what she wants and is not fond of detours. (Wow, now I sound like my five year old) However, when I truly look at these situations and the many more I didn't list, I can see the loving hand of God leading and directing our family.

I LOVE our journey, I love where God has taken us and the sometimes painful lessons He has taught us. It really is amazing to me. He clearly knows what we need before we even know we need it. God knew our marriage wasn't ready for children and we had many steps to complete before we were really ready to grow our family. He knew He was going to bless us beyond measure with seven children, I just needed to be patient. God also knew that another ministry down the road is where we needed to be. He used the first ministry to put us in the right spot, but I truly believe the entire reason we moved was for the second ministry and ultimately, for our current ministry. He knew the skills we would need to obtain and the trials we would need to grow through. 

I clearly don't know more than the designer of this path! Even though my life seems to be filled with too many "end of detour" signs, I know that God is in control. I may not be anywhere near where I thought I was going, that doesn't matter to me, just as long as I am exactly where God wants me to be.

I pray that no matter where you are in your journey, whether it is driving smoothly down the road, covering some rough terrain or stopped at a detour, that you are exactly where God wants you to be. If you are unsure, let me encourage you to take time to pray and read the Bible. I am positive that God has some great plans for you and your family!

It Starts With Me

"It starts with me." I hate those words, and I really dislike the word hate. But, I really hate those words. There are days like today that I need to embrace those words and pray for a brighter tomorrow.

Today was one of those days. A day that was filled with too much whining, too much tattling, too many toys on the floor, too much laundry in the basket, too many commitments on the calendar and too little food left from the last trip to the grocery store to make a good dinner. Today was one of those days when the frustrations of the day built upon each other and compounded until this mommy explodes and everyone gets yelled at whether they needed it or not. 

I know that if I want my children to use kind words, I need to model that behavior and use my kind words. I know that if I want our children to control their temper, then I need to control mine. I know, really. I have read more parenting books than the average person, I have more children than the average person, I have worked with more children than the average person.....I know. I truly know what is expected of me and what I SHOULD be doing. I know, it starts with me. So, why is it so hard to do what I know?

It starts with me. It starts with me in the Word. It starts with me allowing myself to be filled by Him. I need to allow my heart to be changed and my life transformed to become more like Christ, so that when I am dealing with our children He shines through to them. I want my children to see much less of my sinful being and much more of Christ and the love and grace He has to offer them. 

Today was a personal failure. Today my children saw the worst side of their mom. But, today is also a day when I can model repentance and ask forgiveness for my poor behavior. Today is a day when my children see that I am not perfect, and I don't expect them to be either. Although I may have failed today, I need to allow Jesus to turn this day around and show these precious blessings that He has given me, that they are loved. Even when I am mad or frustrated, I love them and He loves them. 

Tomorrow is a new day, and I pray that it starts with me sharing the love, joy and peace of Christ with every word I say! 

Driving The Bus, Or Along For The Ride?

I was listening to a speaker recently who stated that "church is not like riding on a bus. You are not meant to sit back passively while one person does all the work." Of course I loved this, and think that it is so true. However, I think this is true of a family as well. Too many times I meet with a mom and she feels like she is driving the bus while everyone else is just riding along, she feels like she is doing everything on her own. I often think that this is because our society seems to be pushing a "super mom" complex. 

I am not sure where this super mom complex came from, but it sure is prevalent and comes in many different forms. From talking with friends and other moms I meet, you are not doing an adequate job at being a mom unless you:

-grow your own produce (preferably organic)

-make your own bread and baked goods from scratch (preferably from grain you ground yourself)

-have all your children potty trained by the age of two and a half (using proper scientific terms of course)

-have children can read chapter books by age six

-have children are taking A.P. Courses by their sophomore year and at least four by their senior year
-have children who play an instrument and speak a foreign language fluently

The list is long, and I am sure you have your own criteria that has been thrown at you by the "super" mom arena. I encourage you to walk away from the super mom agenda and pray that God is leading you in a way that is best for you and your family. Who really cares what everyone else is doing? If God wanted all families to be the same, He would have made everyone with the same mom. I heard once, that when humans make ice they make a bunch of identical cubes, but when God makes ice He makes intricate snowflakes that are beautiful, varied and unique. The same goes for your family!

I must admit, that I can get caught up in this race for mom perfection at times also. It hits me when our schedule becomes too full and our family is eating strange meals in the car instead of homemade meals at home. I look at myself and think, "if I was more organized I would be able to juggle all of these needs and still make a great homemade meal. But I failed, and now we are eating thrown together cheese quesidillas from the toaster oven." I look at our children and think, "they deserve better." I have successfully fallen into the super mom trap.

What I have found, is that when I feel like I am driving the bus and everyone else is just along for the ride, it might actually be my fault. The majority of the time I have managed to put on my "super mom" cape and have taken too much on myself. I have found that it is essential for me to involve my family, so they don't feel like they are just along for the ride and I don't burn out. I have found that our children are really great at helping when our schedule looks like it is going to explode. They enjoy feeling needed and love the positive reinforcement that comes from accomplishing an important task.

When things seem to be getting too busy for me, I have found that making a very detailed list is extremely helpful for our family. I make the list very detailed and filled with necessary activities that only take 5 or 10 minutes to complete. If it takes longer than that, I divide it into two tasks. When I am positive the list is complete I count up the tasks needing attention. I then divide the list by the number of people able to help. For example, if there are 17 things on the list and 6 people are helping, the youngest child picks 2 tasks and everyone else picks 3 tasks. Then you get moving.
Now because the list is made up of things that can be completed in 10 minutes, we are getting 17 things done in 30 minutes or less. (there is always a treat or small prize waiting for those who finish by the 30 minute deadline) I am amazed at what we can accomplish!

You may have noticed that I said the children "pick" their tasks. This is an essential step! When I allow the children to choose the things from the list they are going to help with, they are a great deal more willing to help. I always choose last. To be completely honest, these 17 things on the list are all things I could do, and the children are helping me a great deal, so I am happy to take the left over chores that no one else wants. I love any little thing that helps my children become willing to help!

Spending a few minutes getting my detailed list ready, usually gives me hours to spend with my family or accomplishing whatever our overloaded schedule is asking for. Although I may have started the day feeling like I was driving the bus and everyone else was just along for the ride, I have ended the day remembering that we are a family that loves and supports one another and that there is no need for a "super mom" cape today.

May God bless your day as you try to juggle the many tasks your schedule is throwing at you! I pray that you will enjoy having your whole family help you and not feel like you are "driving the bus."

That's A Keeper!

We did a great deal of fishing on our recent vacation. It was wonderful! Many of the children really got into fishing and have found a new hobby. We were able to keep many of the fish the children caught. However, there was a limit on some of the lakes we were at and so some of the fish needed to be put back into the lake. The children learned the term, "that's a keeper."

That's a keeper is a cute phrase when fishing, but not when dealing with our little ones. We have one child, in particular, that is continually questioning their worth. It seems to me that they are asking themselves if they are a keeper. To be completely honest with you, I am running out of ideas for how to help them see the truth. They are a precious child of God. They are valuable because God made them that way! We tell them this all the time, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in.

I have seen the destruction that girls and boys do to themselves when they don't think they are valuable. My classrooms and youth groups have always had a few children that are so broken they see themselves as worthless. It is so sad! 

Here is my fear.... if we can not get all of our children to understand that they are a precious gift from God, I know that we will be in for a very long journey. I have seen these feelings of unworthiness lead to addictions with drugs, alcohol, gambling and/or sexual intimacy. These are not roads I want our children to experience. I know that God has a better plan for their lives. It is imperative that we help our children to see that they are valuable, precious and loved.   

I wonder if our society hasn't hurt our children with all of their emphasis on self-esteem. What do our children learn when they play games where no one ever wins? What are they learning when everyone is rewarded the same no matter how hard some try? Sure it is hard to see your child upset when they loose or don't get picked for a certain team, but those are situations we can learn from. These are situations where are children get to learn more about themselves. 

When I was younger, I learned that I could NOT play softball. It wasn't fun knowing that I wasn't good at something, but it encouraged me to try something else and find something I am good at, truly good at. I discovered a real talent that many others didn't have. This real talent helped me see God's plan for my life and gave me hope for my future. 

A recent example from our family comes from our second child. She seems to constantly be comparing herself to her older sister. Her older sister is always better at everything, or so she tells me. I literally spent five minutes talking to her the other day and listing all the things that she could do better than her sister. She hadn't thought of any of them. You know why?  Because they aren't things her sister does. She was comparing herself directly to her sister. It took someone from the outside to show her the unique gifts she has. Her sister doesn't play an instrument, isn't nearly as patient as she is and plays a completely different sport. Most outsiders wouldn't even think of comparing the two because they are too different. It's like apples and oranges.

One of my goals is to find the one thing that each one of our children excels at and then invest in that child in their gifted area. While providing opportunities for the child to grow and develop, we are praying that God will guide us in a way that will help our children prepare for what He has in store for them. My child may be the most amazing artist in the world, but our desire is that she would use this gift to bring glory and honor to Christ. After all, He is the one that gave her the gift. My hope and prayer is that when our children see how God has blessed them and given them the ability to bless other, they will always know that they are worth keeping.

I believe we all have a strong desire to know that we are "a keeper."  But, I also believe that if we try to find our value or worth outside of Christ and His desires for our life, we will always be searching for something or someone else to make us feel important. No matter who you are or who your children are, God made you precious, valuable and worthy! He has great plans for your life and the lives of your children. Don't let anything or anyone tell you any differently!

Frivolous Prayers

I went to a Christian University, I took the theology courses, have a Christian education degree and have been to many conferences and studies. I KNOW that prayer is all about aligning our hearts with God, and not bending His will to ours. However, I also know that God is my Heavenly Father and He cares about our needs and even many of our wants. He knows the hairs on our heads and when we seek Him, He will give us the desires of our heart.

I have had many people with advanced degrees and more blog followers than I, tell me that prayer is about changing our hearts and advancing the Kingdom, not about my personal little needs. We should be using our prayer time to focus on the least, the needy and the oppressed. I don't disagree, I do pray for these things also.  I do not presume to know more than these scholars, I can just tell you what I have experienced in my life. I know that God hears my prayers and somehow He even hears what those more educated than I, would call frivolous prayers.

Our family does not have the resources to take many vacations or elaborate trips. However, God always provides in amazing ways and it is important to us as a family to spend special times together whenever possible.  A short time ago our family was blessed with the opportunity to take a week and head to the north woods. We were given a cabin on the lake for a week of outdoor fun. Everyone had been looking forward to it for months.

As the time came to pack and prepare I began watching the weather forecasts for the time and place we were heading. I kid you not, every time I checked, the websites said it would rain everyday of our vacation. I was becoming discouraged. We all packed plenty of clothes to last us these cold rainy days. I began to pray daily for our trip. I prayed for safe travel, great bonding time and for no rain to fall between the hours of ten in the morning and six in the evening. I knew it was a long shot, but I figured I would ask. 

Each day on our trip when we awoke the weather man said it was going to rain sometime during the day. One day they were even calling for severe weather in the afternoon. You may choose not to believe me, but I am telling you that it never rained between the hours of ten and six. It was completely amazing. My uncle, whose cabin we were using, even laughed at me when I told him it wouldn't rain between ten and six. He looked at the sky, shrugged his shoulders and chuckled. But, I was right, it didn't rain until much later. It rained almost every day of our trip, sometimes in the early morning and sometimes in the late evening, but never when we were out having fun.

I know what the skeptics are going to say, but I firmly believe that God provided for our family. We had an amazing time kayaking, swimming, boating and fishing. The mosquitos were heavy, but most days there was a nice breeze that helped to reduce their population in our area.  Each of our seven children got to have special adventures and we made many memories as a family. I seriously could not have asked for a better vacation. I am so thankful to God for His loving hand in our lives. I can almost not believe it myself. What an incredible blessing He gave us!

Our children pray frivolous prayers all the time, I do not discourage them. For example, at our previous home there was a store that would box their donuts and discount them in the evenings. One time I was at the store with one of our youngsters, as we are walking in she asked if we could get donuts. Now it wasn't on my list and we certainly didn't need them, but I told her if they were boxed and discounted that we could get some. The bakery was almost the first thing in the store. We approached the counter and saw that the donuts had not yet been boxed. She was very disappointed. So I told her we would get all the items on our list and then swing by the bakery section one more time before checking out. She was very pessimistic. I suggested that she pray about it. She did. Guess what, when we swung by the second time, there were donuts. It is an extremely simple pray, but it sure helped her faith. 

Frivolous prayers can also be a great way to show that God has something better planned for them. But, you need to remember the prayer so that several days later when a different answer comes you can point out how God worked the situation for their good. For example, one child of ours prayed for a specific coach and she did not get that coach. However, it is clear now that this coach she has is exactly what she needed. She has excelled in just a few weeks. Be sure to point these things out and take the time to talk about how God is working in her life, or she may never see it. 

Let me encourage you to pray even the prayers that seem frivolous. If it is not a completely selfish ambition and God can be glorified in the situation, I truly believe that He hears us and cares about us enough to answer. Never underestimate the power of a sincere, heartfelt prayer!

After writing this, I was reminded that it did rain on Sunday between ten and six. However, we had gone to an early dinner with Grammy and Grampy. We were inside a restaurant having a great time with our family. We were about an hour from the cabin, I don't know if it was raining there or not. My guess is that it wasn't. :-) 

Taking Life for Granted

Today our guest pastor told us of his oldest granddaughter that was born not breathing, no pulse. She was only expected to live a year and now is 14 years old. She has many challenges that she faces everyday and communicates mostly by blinking her eyes....twice for "yes" and once for "no." I began to cry right in the middle of his sermon.

You see, we have a daughter that was born not breathing, no pulse. Eight and a half years ago, our daughter Halie was born. I remember it like it was yesterday. We had gone in for a test, they didn't like what they saw and we needed to induce labor. After what seemed to be a normal labor she was born. Then it happened......the midwife's face changed expressions, the nurse moved very quickly, buttons were pushed, alarms were sounded, the room filled with professions and I laid in my bed and watched as our newborn daughter was poked, prodded and air was artificially pumped into her body.

The midwife came over to explain that our daughter had been born not breathing and with no pulse. She regained a pulse within the first minute, but she still wasn't breathing on her own. The midwife continued to move back and forth between me and our newborn. It was over 10 minutes. I only know this because as the professions are performing CPR, they yell out the time. Those were the longest 10 minutes of my life.

My husband and I spent those ten minutes praying. Praying together, praying individually, just praying. Praying that no matter what, God would be glorified. After all, He created Halie, she was really not our child, but His. After 10 minutes, she did start breathing on her own and then was taken to the NICU for tests and attention.

Until today's sermon, I never realized how different our lives could be. You see our Halie shows no signs of those first minutes of her life. She has no special needs, she is a happy and healthy eight year old. We have been blessed with a perfect little girl and I have taken that for granted. I have forgotten the true miracle she really is. The miracle that each and everyone of our children are.

You may not have had a traumatic birth experience or extreme situation with your child, but I know you know someone who has. You have heard their stories and have maybe even held their hand as they walked through it. Let me encourage you to hug your precious little one a bit closer today. Let me also encourage you to try and cherish each day that we have together. Let us not take the lives we have been given for granted.

Tonight as I get ready to head to bed and close my day with prayer, I remember the pastor and his family, and any family that I know that is living with a child that has been diagnosed with special needs. May we all truly realize how precious and amazing their lives are!

A Conscious Whisper

As most of you know, we have seven children and we homeschool most of them. This makes for a very active and many times very loud home. Up until recently it didn't really bother me, this is just how it is when you have seven children. However, I think I was simply making an excuse for myself. When I sat back and just listened, I noticed some bad habits that our family had gotten into which clearly made our home louder.

First, is the intense need for everyone in our family to sing and/or play an instrument. I actually love all the Praise music that fills our home, but our children need to remember that the bands on the radio and the worship band at church have microphones. We don't need to be as loud as the last Skillet concert when we are playing at home. We are now asking that all "band" concerts take place in 2 specific area of the home. 

The second thing I noticed was the strange "need" to make senseless noises. When sitting and observing the family, it came to my attention that almost every person makes senseless noise as they move about the house. Some are humming, some are clicking, and other are just making sounds. I have made an effort to point out these noises to the family in hopes of trying to make them aware of the decibel levels in our home. 

The habit that really concerned me was the yelling. I don't mean yelling like when a child misbehaves or when you are angry and raise your voice, (that is a whole different conversation) I mean just talking really loud. It seems like we all have gotten in the habit of yelling to communicate. Sometimes we are yelling to be heard over other noise, sometimes because we are looking for someone and yell their name, other times it just seems to be the way we talk. 

My husband is the one who actually pointed this out. He had worked very late or early depending on how you look at this, and he was trying to sleep when the rest of us were awake. After an hour or so, he came out of our room and asked me what all the yelling was about. What yelling? I had know idea what he was talking about, there had been no fights or misbehavior. That is when I started to listen. We yell a lot! It is a scary thought, but I honestly believe that I have unknowingly conditioned my children not to listen to me unless I raise my voice.

So, we have challenged ourselves and our children to be more conscious of the volume. Like anything we are going to work on, it starts with me. When I hear the children start yelling or raise their voices, I try to intentionally lower mine. I have found that most of the time, that simple response reminds them to lower their voice. We have also started asking, "can you hear me?" When asked in a softer voice, it is a great reminder to an excited child that has forgotten how loudly they are speaking. My favorite response though is the whisper. I love how quietly whispering instructions or whispering in a conversation can greatly alter a moment. I have also learned that by whispering a special surprise, I am training the children to listen to my voice. They are learning to respond to my voice no matter how loud it may be.

Maybe your home is a nice quiet home of three, that is great! But, if you find your home being just a bit too loud or if you find that yelling has become the preferred mode of communication, let me encourage you to try and step back and whisper. God tells us throughout His Word that He speaks to His people with a still small voice or a quiet whisper. My prayer is that by helping our children lower their volume and listen for our small voices, they will also learn to quiet themselves and hear the voice of God as He continues to work on their lives.

May God truly bless your week as you and your children make a conscious effort to whisper!