What Are The Complaints Saying?

"All you do is complain!"

These are the words that our oldest daughter said to me when we were driving home the other night. Ouch! I have been thinking about that statement ever since.  These are certainly not words I want my daughter to use to describe me. Here's the situation:

Our daughter is gifted (every mom knows that their daughter is gifted), and I of course want the best for her. She was at an activity this week and I arrived a bit early for pick-up to see how things were going. As I watched her, I noticed that she wasn't doing as well as she had done in previous years. Or, at least that was my parental opinion. When we got to the car, I asked her about the evening and how she felt things were progressing. After she had shared her thought I shared mine. I informed her that I didn't think she was trying her best and that her instructor was not pushing her to do her best. (but I used more words) I didn't think I was complaining, I thought I was showing her that I want the best for her. Obviously that is not what she heard.

When reflecting on the situation I can see that my high expectations for her are blocking me from cherishing her feelings. She likes her instructor. She likes where she participates in this activity. There is nothing immoral happening. My complaining/over correcting is making her feel like her choices are not good enough, that she is not good enough...... That makes me wonder how often I am "telling" my children that they are not good enough. I think it is important for them to always do their best, so how can I make sure "doing your best" doesn't turn into "you're not good enough?"

So, this week I am going to try to keep my complaints to myself. I am going to strive to focus my thoughts and curb my words to reflect what I am really trying to say. "I love you, I want the best for you." I am going to try to allow my child to lead me in these types of conversations by asking questions. "What do you think we can do to improve this situation?" "How can I help you to do your best?"

Although, I feel it is important for our children to know that they are sinners and fall short everyday. I also want them to know that they are great gifts, made in His image and are loved just the way they are. They are "good enough" for me! So, if you hear me complaining, please give me a gentle reminder of my new goal.